Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Tucker Carlson on Boston Whalers, Boat Shoes, and Kissing John Stewart's Ass

After a long afternoon of cleaning the Barnacles off his Boston Whaler, we caught up with Tucker Carlson and his top siders, in the stairwell of the Dublin House, in Red Bank New Jersey. Carlson said he was there to for a pint and some of their famous Shepards Pie. But we can't be sure seeing that there was a Young Republicans luncheon being held in the second floor dining room. Regardless of his reasons for his Dublin House patronage, Carlson expressed some anger when we asked him about his angel investment into Bobby's Ballet. It seemed to be pulled at the last minute by Carlson and long time local Mortgage Brokering heavyweight, Bingham Coolidge. In response to our inquiries as to why the bottom fell out, Carlson muttered before ascending the staircase, "Why don't you ask that partisan hack John Stewart? Mr. Jackson seems to be kissing his ass these days, just like everybody else." His random reply has us asking a lot of questions. Is Bobby Jackson, former Marine Special Forces Operative, being hired out by John Stewart and possibly Stephen Colbert, to take out some AIG executives? Or, was Tucker just a bit too salty after one too many pre-lunch Guiness at the Dublin House Bar. We can't be sure. the only thing we can be sure of is that Carlson did make a hard left into the dining room where the Young Republicans were doing a lot more than tee-totaling. As we took a peak through the partially closed doors we could see two quite small (it is unclear whether they were indeed midgets or dwarves) leprechaun-esque female strippers dancing on a pile of corn beef as they dowsed themselves with beer. We thought to ourselves, what a waste of food and drink, not too mention, a waste of talented short strippers. It is uncertain how the rest of the afternoon played out in this small Red Bank Bar, but we can sleep soundly knowing that money was being spent in a local pub, even if it was by the Young Republicans.

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