Just when you thought it was safe to go out in Red Bank, along came “The Perfect 10’s”.
"Being pretty isn’t easy. Being pretty, smart, effective in the workplace, and a great girlfriend while maintaining a level of hotness that most people would call a “10” is nearly unheard of,” said Susan Teledonkiss, a 37 year old former Prom Queen and unofficial Cougar-in-Denial. A self-proclaimed singer, songwriter, scientist, cat owner, and employee of the month at Barbizon Beauty School since they started the program in January, humility comes to Teledonkiss effortlessly. “It takes dedication. You might not make a lot of friends being a Perfect 10, but that's just what life is like when you're hot and...like really, really smart. You know what I mean? I don’t get lonely though, because a lot of times I’d rather hang out with myself than someone less attractive, and not as smart. But sometimes a girl needs to know that there are others out there like her, and it’s OK to be perfect. So, I decided to start a club where I could find Perfect Girls just like me.”
The candidate search for The Perfect 10’s Club brought Susan to Buena Sera, in Red Bank New Jersey. Buena Sera is a much-heralded Italian Restaurant with red velvet chairs, plush leather barstools, dark mahogany tables, and elaborate chandeliers. It prides itself on being super sexy. The bar at Buena Sera is well known for its large collection of cougars, men with great hair, and an array of rich cologne and perfume that could rival a night on the town in Milan.
As I arrived at Buena Sera to meet Susan, I was greeted by a portly gentlemen with a thick nose, multicolored tight sweater, a great tan, and an heir of superiority that one would expect to receive in such a super sexy environment. When I asked where I might find Miss Teledonkiss he pointed upstairs to the bar area.
Susan was sitting at the corner of the bar wearing a tight, red, low-cut dress advertising the upper regions of her areola . With her platinum blonde from-the-bottle look, and her steely blue eyes, she sat sipping a vodka cranberry. She seemed to enjoy sharing her fairly-new silicone filled breasts with the bar crowd…so I joined her.
“I came in and sat down, ordered my drink, and he just gave it to me. Didn’t ask for money or anything,” Susan giggled, referring to the bartender “it’s fun being me.”
As we sat at the bar, Susan scoped the area for potential cohorts of hotness. Her stealth approach was reminiscent of a lone wolf quietly looking down upon a room of lesser beasts. The sipping and staring lasted quite some time.
“Not much going on here tonight. Looks like I’m the hottest one in the room…again.”
As I looked around the room, there were plenty of smiling women with firm fitness club physiques enjoying their drinks, and laughing with friends. Sure they were a bit older, but most likely former prom queens themselves. So I decided to ask Susan why she thought these women were unworthy of joining in her quest for a Club of Aryan Smoke Stacks.
She began pointing out the imperfection in each of the individuals mingling in the bar area,” too fat…weird face…just eewww,” and so on. It looked like she wasn’t going to find any pals at Buena Sera, so I paid for my drink...Susan put on her coat, and I proceeded to walk her out.
“Excusme… excusme… SirI” I turned around to see that it was the bartender calling out to me. “Yes”, I said.
“The drink. Aren’t you going to pay for it?
“I thought I did”
“No. I meant the one for the lady”
I looked at Susan, and she immediately stormed over to the bar in a huff, and paid for her lone vodka cranberry. Turning from the bar she walked past me, brushed her hair off her shoulders and descended the staircase to the door. I guess she was headed over to another Red Bank hot spot in search of free drinks and hot friends.
When I caught up with Susan via email the following day, she apologized profusely in regards to her abrupt exit. "I don't usually do things like that. It's just like really, really hard sometimes when people give you mixed signals like that bartender. He only made me pay for that drink because you showed up. It's not your fault or anything :) Guys are just weird like that. So do you plan on doing a follow up story on "The Perfect 10's"? I've taken my cause to the internet and am beginning to meet a lot of women who are just like me. We're even looking into starting our own social networking site with the help of entrepreneur, Roger de la Soul. Wish me luck :)."
We wish Susan the best in her cyber search for women who can't let go of their glory days. Hopefully she'll find all the validation she's ever needed to continue living her life as one of The Worlds "Perfect 10's".
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