(MP) – Bill O’Riley, host of the O’Riley Factor on the Fox News Network has become well known for his emotional outbursts, and his inflated sense of self. So it comes as no surprise to learn that Bill is blaming it on tight underwear and Kenny G.
It seems that O’Riley who was partial to wearing boxers for most of his adult life, has revealed that his wife, Public Relations Executive and former girlfriend of Flavor Flav, Mauren McPhilmy, began purchasing BVD briefs for him in the mid 90’s, because she found the fit more aesthetically pleasing. Around the same time, Mrs O’Riley also became a huge fan of Smooth Jazz Heavy Kenny G, and would demand that Bill dance through the house slowly wearing only his tight BVD briefs and black business socks as the musings of the whimsical Kenny filled their home. Emasculated and humiliated Bill began to take it out on co-workers and even super market check out girls.
“Bill is a little bitch. He always comes in here buying his little granola bars and whatever else. I bet he likes wearing those tight underwear. Probably likes Kenny G too,” said Amber White, Manager of the Food Emporium Grocery Store in Manhattan. “He even yelled at me once because we were out of sour patch kids. Freak. ”
In an on camera breakdown, even more shocking than the well known, “We’ll do it Live”, video that has been ubiquitous on the internet, O’Riley let loose on Noam Chomsky in front of his other guest London Marriot: "hey look, you think you’ve got it so tough, huh? My penis is slammed into my pants like a pancake, and I can’t get the Andrea Bocelli and Kenny G concert in Tuscany out of my god damned head. Spend some time in my pants pal. Let’s go to commercial.”
After the commercial break, he apologized to Chomsky, Marriot and the American People for his bad manners.
I'm sorry what can I say. I know I'm an asshole. It's hard. I'm trying to please my wife sexually, and at the same time losing my way. I'm not a rapper. I don't like smooth jazz. I like long walks, country music and porn. I'm a regular guy...really I am. It's just tough..." After a weighted silence in which O'Riley sat still staring down the camera, he took off his microphone and exited the sound stage.
We are unsure if Mr. O’Riley will continue his pursuit of a career in journalism, but we can only hope his wife allows him to listen to cooler music, and that finds the right fit downstairs.
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