Kim Jong Crispies: A Breakfast Cereal To Be Reckoned With

(MP)- As if it isn't difficult enough to pick out a breakfast cereal at the supermarket, the decision just became that much more complicated with the addition of Kim Jong Krispies: the official morning meal of North Korea.

With a powerful dictator as its namesake, the Kim Jong Krispies brand has been finding its way onto shelves across Europe and North America.

“We intend to raise this violation of the Cereal Council resolution, if this continues, in our supermarkets,” Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton said Wednesday. “This provocative action in violation of the WCO (World Cereal Orginization) mandate will not go unnoticed, and there will be consequences.”

“There has to be a better way for cereal proprietors to be able to share the marketplace, and that includes Sociopathic Dictators,” said Shannon Bonfonsis, Director of Marketing for the General Mills Corporation, and Secretary General of the WCO. "Strong arming brands off the shelves, and at the same time isolating yourself from the Cereal conversation is not helping anyone."

The main concern for members of the WCO is the positioning of Kim Jong Krispies on the shelves. In a deal struck with the Wal-Mart Corporation, Kim Jong’s brand was able to secure real estate on the second shelf up from the bottom, which is approximately 39 inches in height, and also the average height of a four year old child.

“This is a cereal…in attractive packaging …with professional graphics, and vibrant hues of color represented on both the front, and back of the box. The cereal itself is yet again bright in color, and is in the shape of a Nuclear War Head. We have reason to believe that this will be very appealing to children between the ages of three and seven,” explained Philip Wentworth COO and Brand Director for the Kelloggs Corporation. “I mean it’s got a good chance of blowing Frosted Flakes right off the map.”

The big question on the minds of the WCO members is, how did Wal-Mart allow such a gross violation of WCO standards to occur?

"Amber Waves has been on shelf two since the inception of the WCO. Now, we’re on five. We’re losing our grip on creating healthy children. Shop Rite, Food Town, Super Food Town and Pathmark are all in compliance. Frankly, the Food Town stores are refusing to carry the Kim Jong brand at all, and Shop Rite has only agreed to carry a limited supply through the end of the school year. The only issue has been Wal-Mart. We are all really shocked,” said Abner Greensteen, Spokesperson for the Granola Miles Group, (creator of the Amber Waves cereal series).

Bruce Thistlewaite, Public Relations Director for Wal-Mart declined to comment from Wal-Mart headquarters in Bentonville, Arkansas yesterday .

Greensteen is worried that we are sending the wrong message to our children by making communism, nuclear war, and cereal rich in sugar and preservatives, a part of our morning routine. But as long as Kim Jong Krispies keep flying off shelf number two, another truck from Bentonville will be on its way to deliver fresh morning missiles to America’s children.