The Ultimate Saint Patrick's Day Movie

By Roode

Dear soon to be drunk off your asses celebrators of Saint Patrick's Day,

Sure, there is a plethora of movies for Christmas, New Years, Halloween, and Arbor Day. What is out there in Net Flix's already bloated DVD hole for Saint Paddy's Day?

This Leprechaun horror shit doesn't count.

What is there? Nothing. There's nothing for nobody, no how. That's it. Pack it in. This shit is done.

Wait.

Or is it?

Shit yes! Of course. THE official movie of Saint Patrick's day!

"Now you've lost it, Roode. What the hell are you smoking now?" you're saying to your monitor. Hear me out. The only thing we really associate with Saint Patrick's Day is getting pissed drunk and vomiting all over our best friend's sister. That and herds of drunken Irishmen punching each other in the face.

Oh yea. That fucker's loaded.

But, after all that Guinness, whiskey, and vomit, you're left with an empty feeling. Well, that and the taste of vomit and socks. Don't ask me how you got the taste of socks in your mouth. You're better off not knowing.

What can fill that hole? Violence! Violence and Williem DeFoe in drag. Violence, Williem DeFoe in drag, and MORE VIOLENCE! That's it! That's what this made up drunken holiday is missing. Saint Patrick's Day just hasn't had enough gun violence until this point.

Ahhh... this is what was missing.

OK, so you don't get the connection between The Boondock Saints and Saint Patrick's Day. What the hell is wrong with you? The connection is strong...strong like bull (in a weak sense). The entire movie begins on Saint Patrick's Day. One of the first full scenes you see is a drunken bar fight between a bunch of loaded Irishmen and angry Russians. If that isn't Saint Patrick's Day, I don't know what is!

"Hey! It's Saint Paddy's Day. Let's go kill some mobsters."

This is where it's at, friends. You have guns, cigarettes, alcohol, death by toilet, Willem DeFoe in drag and David Della Rocco. Oh yea, and a tenuous connection to Saint Patrick's Day. You don't need anything else. Trust me. Roode knows.

So, in closing (if I ever really opened), The Boondock Saints is THE movie for Saint Patrick's Day. There are Irish accents... that lends some legitimacy to it, right? OK, there're Americans using Irish accents, but you have to give me some leeway here. Oh yea, and a sequel is coming out sometime this year. It's not on Saint Patrick's Day, but close enough. It might be close to Christmas, which would make it THE Christmas movie.

If all that wasn't enough to PROVE BEYOND A SHADOW OF A DOUBT that The Boondock Saints is THE Saint Patrick's Day movie, maybe a little something by the way of Ron Jeremy will sweeten the deal.

Oh yea... that's it...Ron Jeremy..

Sincerely,
Roode

P.S.: This Roode note in no way shape or form is due to lifting the idea from Adel while secretly stealing her copy of The Boondock Saints while she wasn't looking.