In a surprising turn of events, beloved Afghani Mystic, Sheik Fark Feik Mohammad, makes a stunning admission. Sheik Fark Feik confesses to being involved in a swap of his Casio Cassette Player, circa 1983, with Osma Bin Laden, and his collection of 8 Track tapes and Fisher Price, 8 Track Player, circa 1974. The community leader and long time Taliban associate made the following statement: "My apologies go out to the Peace Keepers of the World, and especially the people of the United States, for not coming forth with this information earlier. I am a changed man, and sadly enough I have Bin Laden and his collection of Classic Rock 8 Tracks to thank for it," explained the Sheik. The Sheik has been suffering from lung cancer, which he apparently contracted due to excessive marijuana abuse over the last decade. "I was introduced to the musings of Fleetwood Mac, Nils Lofgren, Peter Paul and Mary, Cream, and Richie Havens. This music changed my life, and led to the exploration of hallucinogenic drugs, and the daily use of marijuana. The drugs changed the relationships between me and all of my wives. The last years of my life were a re-birth, and I wouldn't change a thing. My only regret is that I did not come forth with this information earlier, because sadly, I feel it could have led to Osama Bin Laden's capture. I denounce my past hatred for the west, and travel now back to the earth from which I came." An emotional Sheik Fark Feik went on to explain that Bin Laden was desperate to make this trade because he knew that technology was changing rapidly, and he would need better recording equipment in order to make contact with the outside world once he burrowed into his hide out, in eastern Afghanistan's, Tora Bora Region. Sheik Fark Feik told us that he wasn't interested in the music or Fisher Price 8 track player as much as he was in helping out Bin Laden. However, he did admit that he was a fan of The Antiques Road Show, so it did cross his mind that if they happened to come to Kabul, he might be able to cash in on the collection, and player due to their age. So he made the trade. "It was only a matter of time before I put on Peter, Paul, and Mary's Greatest Hits," said the Sheik. He expressed having extreme curiosity for the album because it seemed to be the hardest part of the collection for Bin Laden to let go. Apparently Bin Laden wept as he began to sing the lyrics to, Old Stewball, and then ran off into the hills singing the lyrics of, Lemon Tree. "Lemon tree very pretty, and the lemon flower is sweet, but the fruit of the poor lemon is impossible to eat, lemon tree...he went on like this, you know. And I could hear him well into the hills, so I had to see for myself." The Sheik laughed to himself. "And did I ever see", he said proudly.
The Sheik decided to come forth with his admission because of Bin Laden's most recent calls to jihad concerning Isreal's occupation of the Gaza Strip, and the newly appointed President of Somalia, Sheik Sharif Sheik Ahmed. Upon hearing this recording, Sheik Fark Feik recounts, "I was listening to, Sleepy Time, by Cream and having sex with all of my wives. I told you we all get along really well now-even though I am sick I can still please my women. So there we were and here comes Bin Ladens voice over the internet. Yes, I have internet now. I know it's crazy. I even spend a lot of my time on my Facebook. It's a great way to keep up with old friends," said the Sheik. "I heard him, and I couldn't let it go on any longer, so I've come clean", an impassioned Sheik Fark explained. He concluded by wishing the world the best in finding him, and offering to be of assistance in any way possible, as long as he was promised some medical marijuana if the Obama administration ended up legalizing the drug. His dealer had apparently done quite well, and decided to move to Crete with his earnings. Sheik Fark Feik worried that if he continued to go without his pot the music might leave him forever, and he didn't want to die with the music still in him.
After leaving Afghanistan, we continued to pull back the layers on this relationship between the two men. We were able to uncover a connection between Roger De la Soul, and Al Qaida, for the funding of his latest social networking site, Pick on a Foreigner. It is now believed that Sheik Fark Feik made the introduction between Al Qaida operatives and De la Soul as recent as 2006. With this knowledge, we can only guess as to how genuine Sheik Fark Feik was in his confessions. Was it the cleansing of his soul he was after, or just some sympathy, attention, and hopefully some weed for a sexually underperforming Sheik dying of cancer. Who knows. But hey, atleast we know Bin Laden digs our tunes.
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