Save Our Souls, the Brooklyn based Watchdog group, has launched a new division this week, The Divison of Unnecessary Broadcast Television, also known by its suspect acronym, DOUBT. The division will be headed by former YO Network Executive, Ted Sledge, who is known to have an eye for unworthy broadcasting due to his 10 years of experience producing it, and jamming it down the throats of the American people… unnecessarily.
DOUBT, a non-profit organization that is being backed by trust fund artist and occasional didgeridoo player, Graham Loveland of Bushwick, New York, will be a force to be reckoned in the new media. Loveland has a background in idol time, which rivals that of most Prisoners of War. He is said to spend mostly every waking hour watching the news while smoking marijuana and refusing to eat take out burritos his girlfriend brings to him. His experience in complaining may also help, but he is banking on his years on the debate team in high school to propel him to the top.
“I’m over it. If I have to watch Bo Obama attempting to take a dump on the White House lawn for a solid 26 minutes, I think I’m going to take my own life,” said an impassioned Loveland. “I mean I want to know what in the hell is going on in the world, but cheerleading with the CNN anchors that the stool of a Portuguese Water Dog is excreted from its canine sphincter is where I draw the line.”
Apparently Loveland was not bothered by the coverage of Anna Nicole Smith’s death, or the Gossip Girls Rolling Stones Magazine cover, which he proudly displayed on his $750 coffee table made from recycled lumber. Graham is a fickle audience, but he is an audience, and an audience with money nonetheless.
“There will come a time when the world will watch stuff that matters on the TV, and on the Internet. That time is not so far away,” said Graham.
Ted Sledge will be lobbying in Washington for DOUBT effective immediately. His first order of business will be to try and divert the attention away from Bo’s shit, and get to the bottom of the Economic shit that is concerning most.
“I’m ready to do what I have to. I’m ready to do my job. I’m no stranger to culture- poisoning programming. After all, I was the brains behind, ‘Don’t Hate Me Because I’m Filthy Rich’, and ‘Fuck OFF: I’m Hot and You’re Not,” stated Sledge. “I can play with the decision makers in D.C. I’m ready to go.”
Loveland will be waiting by his television in tight jeans and a half-shirt sporting an irreverent phrase or an 80’s punk band album cover. He hopes to change the world. He hopes that sitting on his couch sadly, and paying someone else to do his bidding will bring him satisfaction and contentment. At commercial breaks, he will softly play his didgeridoo.
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