I’ve always thought that just before God kicked Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden, right after he told Eve that he was going to make childbirth suck for her, he pulled Adam aside and said “And you, you want to let her lead you around by your penis, do you? Allow me to give you something worse for her to lead you by” and then he made Adam’s testicles drop out of his abdomen where they damn well belonged, and just hang by nerves and skin, swinging like two exposed kidneys and just as sensitive to pain.
After God left, Adam said “I am fucked.” And it was not good.
For whatever reason, God chose not to include this important little detail in the Bible. Men for thousands of years have been asking “why why why?” only to get no answer. But you notice, even Jesus, with all they did to him, was never hurt down there. Apparently he was willing to go to the cross for us, but when it came to having his nuts bashed in and nailed to the cross like the Romans did to so many other men*, much like modern cops do with their Tasers, he said “no fucking way.”
Well OK, he probably didn't use those EXACT words.
* Yes, the Romans did on occasion actually nail men's genitals to the cross along with their hands and feet. I shit you not. We are becoming more like them every day.
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