I have made a new blog buddy. She's a crazy brunette hottie who gets more blog hits and comments in 5 minutes than I get all week. I try to tell myself it's because of affirmative action, but I secretly suspect its because she's funny and good-looking at the same time, whereas I'm a naked guy on a toilet beside the road, which is just sort of odd.
People keep trying to talk to me first thing in the morning and subtly ask me to do things for them without flat out asking. Subtlety doesn't work on me when half my brain is still unconscious. You have to just say what you mean, like a man, instead of farting around with hints, like a woman. No offense meant to women, but any of you who are married surely must have discovered this about men by now. Hints in the morning, unless they are about sex, get you nowhere.
There are college girls in skin-tight jeans sledding along the sloped sides of bridges and elevated highways here today. They have Barbie pink sleds and cute boots and are giggling and causing car accidents among men and lesbians driving past on the still-icy roadways. I know this because I just got back from lunch and nearly had a wreck while trying to take a photo. I did not get the photo, but I also did not have a wreck. It was neither or both, but apparently one without the other was not an option. Although, if I hadn't had a meeting I was supposed to be at, I would have stopped the car and got out to take a proper photo. I am a photographer, after all, so I can do things like that, even if I was only using my cell phone camera.
"What is the gender of your baby?"
"Whatever I want it to be on any given day."
During lunch I had a long and semi-interesting conversation with a guy about the misuses of the English language and influence of political correctness as they both relate to the word "gender." Gender does not mean the same as biological sex, if you didn't know, although in these feminist times it has been forcibly interchanged with it by lesbian English teachers at ivy league colleges for purely political reasons. How we got on this topic, I have no idea. But we did, and as you know I definitely have opinions on this subject, so I let them fly. He also has opinions, although they were more off-the-cuff theories about where this might have come from and what might have been in the past, but he did no research and so many of his assumptions were based on what we are told today, as opposed to the actual verifiable facts of history minus the influence of political correctness/feminist rewriting of the recorded past. In the end, neither of us cared enough to get heated about it and so we both shorted our waiter's tip for giving shitty service and left with a feeling of satisfaction that we had done the right thing, as this was not the first time we had eaten at this restaurant and received shitty service from this particular waiter. It was also not the first time we'd had a funky conversation about weird shit while eating there. What's up with that?
So there is lots of shit going on in the news that doesn't interest me much, and yet I'm about to quickly skim over some of it for no good reason.
A crazy man, and I don't mean bullshit crazy like Lorena Bobbit or Mary Winker who were just bitches and not the same as crazy, shot and killed a federal judge and attempted to kill a Congresswoman out in Arizona a few days ago. Since random events happening in the farthest corners of the United States are reported in far away countries like Australia even though they are of little importance to Australians, I will assume you all heard about this. Also, an Aussie on the internet was flat out going off on the need for gun control because of this woman being shot and we had an argument, so I know our shitty networks are reporting our news in other countries who should not even care about them because this guy was quoting CNN like it was the Gospel. Anyway, our White House and Democratic media were reporting that Sarah Palin had shot these people and not some crazy Marxist at all. They even went so far as to interrupt the latest episodes of Modern Family and Cougar Town just so Obama could make a political campaign speech basically saying that all non-Democrats should tone down their political rhetoric even as his own remains highly inflammatory and his supporters booed, at a funeral mind you, the Republican Governor of the state in which the shooting occurred when she got up to speak. And somewhere in Washington, I'm sure, Republican House Speaker John Boehner, wearing his favorite pink tie, broke down and cried. If there's one thing the Democratic Party has consistently stood for it is inflammatory rhetoric and open hatred of anyone who disagrees. If there is one thing the Republican Party has consistently stood for it is not really standing for anything with any real conviction and repeatedly offering up presidential candidates like Bob Dole, John McCain or the ever-tearful John Boehner, none of whom inspire much of anything in any non-Democrat, let alone inflammatory rhetoric. Meanwhile, everyone who ever knew the shooter has consistently reported that he is indeed quite insane and always has been, yet even so, prior to his shooting at political figures he has never been dealt with in any way by anyone who might have had the power to defuse the threat he posed. Shades of mass murderer and crazed shooter Amy Bishop can't help but emerge here, along with the Muslim jihad terrorist who shot and killed soldiers at Ft Hood in Texas and the crazed shooter at Virgina Tech, whom everyone knew to be insane and feared long before anything terrible ever happened.
Perspective
What do world leaders do when they are in meetings with all the other world leaders and find themselves with the unavoidable need to fart? Do they just rip one and say "I am important. I can do that." Or do they hurriedly excuse themselves and run to fart out in the hall, like my mom in church? I'll bet Russia's PM, Putin, just rips it loud and proud. I'll bet Obama farts in the hall, like a girl. I'll bet Sarkozy of France and whatsherface of Germany both slide them out as quietly as they can, but otherwise don't care if anyone smells it. I'm not sure what to think Gilliard of Australia might do. I guess it depends on how drunk she is at the time, eh?
I farted
There has been yet another reported instance of a man being shot in the genitals by a cop with a Taser and having his entire genitalia totally destroyed by it. Salaad Mahamed was already in prison and was laying on the floor on his back when they shot him directly in the testicles, literally spearing one of his testicles like a spear gun through a fish and destroying it, before the 50,000 volts ripped through him and fried all the nerves in his entire groin area, leaving him totally impotent and incontinent, like so many of the other men who have been shot in the genitals with a Taser before him. So now, because a guard didn't like the way he was laying on the floor, he is partially castrated, totally impotent, and has to wear diapers for the rest of his life. You would think, with a clearly cruel and evil torturous thing like this being done to him by authorities, he must have been heavily armed and quite dangerous, right? But no, he had no weapons and was not violent, just like all the other men who police have shot in the balls with Tasers and emasculated. And just a year ago, Taser International sent out revised instructions on how to properly use their guns, instructing police to "shoot low" and target the groin area as much as possible. And this for a weapon that is used almost exclusively on unarmed, non-violent men! It is an absolute outrage.
One thing I have learned over the years, and apparently this is unusual for a guy to know, is that girls will gladly accept photos of a man's bare ass, but when it comes to junk shots there is really just no one wanting to see that. I have seen far too many girls get a text message, look at their phone, make a face of disgust, and then hit 'delete' before telling me that some random guy just sent them a picture of his junk in various phases of sexual excitement. I have never sent one out myself and I never will. I'd like to think that somewhere a hot girl is sad about that, but I know better.
Happy to use it, but they don't want to see it.
As long as the Canadian government is banning old rock songs which a tiny minority find offensive (Dire Straights - Money for Nothing) I'd like to know if they might go ahead and ban all the old late '70s, early '80s disco songs which truly were disgusting, like everything by KC and the Sunshine Band, for example. I think as long as such dramatic and blatant censorship is going to be used it might as well benefit all of us rather than merely a tiny influential but wealthy few. Ban disco. In fact, ban everything that even remotely sounds like disco. In fact, if any episodes of an old show called "Solid Gold" still exist, ban every single song that was ever performed on that show.
Disco - it still sucks
Apparently there is some controversy over the fact that 'they' have changed the Zodiac, resulting in people having new "star signs." My new star sign is Superfreakius. I'm Rick James, bitch!
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