Showing posts with label joke. Show all posts
Showing posts with label joke. Show all posts

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Amazing Elephant Tale

bull elephant

In 1972, Joe Miller was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Tulsa Junior College .

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Joe approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Joe worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

The elephant turned to Joe, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Joe stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Joe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Thirty years later, Joe was walking through the Tulsa Zoo with His family. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Joe and his Family were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Joe, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1972, Joe could not help wondering if this was the same elephant. Joe summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Joe's legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.






Friday, January 11, 2008

Cannibal Restaurant

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu...

+ Tourist: $5
+ Broiled Missionary: $10.00
+ Fried Explorer: $15.00
+ Baked Democrat or Grilled Republican: $100.00

The cannibal called the cook over and asked,

'Why such a price difference for the politicians?'

The cook replied, "Have you ever tried to clean one?

They're so full of shit, it takes all morning."




* Emailed to me by Stacy the Peanut Queen

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Top 10 - No Black NASCAR Drivers


I'm a figment of your imagination

David Letterman's Top 10 reasons why there are no black NASCAR drivers:

# 10 - Have to sit upright while driving.
# 9 - Pistol won't stay under front seat.
# 8 - Engine noise drowns out the rap music!
# 7 - Pit crew can't work on car while holding up pants at the same time.
# 6 - They keep trying to carjack Dale Earnhardt Jr.
# 5 - Police cars on track interfere with race.
# 4 - No passenger seat for the Ho.
# 3 - No Cadillac's approved for competition.
# 2 - When they crash their cars, they bail out & run.

AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON WHY THERE ARE NO BLACK NASCAR DRIVERS . . .

#1 -They can't wear their helmets sideways.

hip hop
Sup wit dat?

Monday, October 29, 2007

If Women Controlled The World

bowling
Bowling

cars
Choosing a new car

mouse compact
Computer accessories

parking
Parking lots

speedometer
Speedometer

tools
All the tools she'll ever need

toilet seat
Toilet seats

toilet paper
Toilet paper

any key
Computer keyboards

nut crush
Ow


*Courtesy of Amber

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Monday, September 24, 2007

Because It's Monday

1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?

Unique Up on It.


2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?

Tame Way, Unique Up On It.


3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?

They Take The Psycho Path


4. How Do You Get Holy Water?

You Boil The Hell Out Of It.


5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?

Dam!


6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting on the Ice too long?

Polaroid's


7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?

A Stick


8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?

Nacho Cheese.


9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?

Subordinate Clauses.


10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?

Quattro Sinko.


11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?

Spoiled Milk.


12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?

Frostbite.


13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?

A Nervous Wreck.


14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?

Anyone Can Roast Beef. Can you pea soup?


15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?

Right Where You Left Him.


16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?

Because They Have Big Fingers.


17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?

Because It Scares the Dog


18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?

Sanka.


19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover?

The location of the dirt bag.


20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?

Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.


21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?

A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!

A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.


22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?

Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer