So, considering the earthquakes, floods, wars, revolutions, earthquakes combined with floods creating iPad shortages, all of which have happened in the first quarter of 2011 alone, I can hardly pretend to have any excitement in my life worth blogging about. Nevertheless, as this is my blog, I have a certain obligation to publish the various random stupidity that comprise the thoughts in my mind in hopes that someone somewhere might find it useful and/or entertaining. So here goes:
Libya
Why the hell are we invading Libya? Didn't all the Obama supporters demand that we "stop the war" and get out of every foreign country we were sending our military to? Didn't Joe Biden insist that he was going to make it his top priority to impeach President Bush if we invaded Iran for any reason? And now here we are, without Congressional approval, invading Libya. And no one has the slightest inkling as to why we're there at all. Maybe they have a stash of rare iPad 2s or something?
The Economy
White House representatives, that is to say, the Press, keep repeating over and over that the American economy is in full scale recovery and everything is super duper awesome thanks to Obama. Yet, much like the Republican primaries where no one could figure out who voted for McCain, no one in the real world can find any signs of this mythical 'recovery' that is supposedly happening all around us. Housing sales are the lowest they've ever recorded them as being. House prices have taken a 10-year step backwards in time, much like our 10-year-dead stock market. The death of the housing market means bad things for our economy, not just today, but for the next several years. The claims that unemployment is down are not matched by the reality currently being experienced by 1 out of every 4 American workers, especially the male workers. Obama's war on fuel has driven the cost of gas and home heating through the roof, adding fuel to the fire that is the daily misery of the unemployed, the underemployed, and the underpaid in America. Meanwhile, he claims its not his no-drilling policies, but the oil companies who are to blame because they aren't pulling oil from stones where no oil exists even as he blocks them from pulling oil from the deposits where we know oil does exist. "Hope and change", post-election, has since been shortened to "Denial."
My Life
Fuck my life. I need to sell something, take the money, and go fly to a beach somewhere all by myself to just sit and stare at the waves while I try to decide what I want to do for the remainder of my existence. It's clear that I will never have what I wanted, so perhaps its time I threw off everything and everyone associated with what I had wanted and form a new plan and a new life?
Charlie Sheen
Charlie Sheen gets high, locks a porn star prostitute in a closet, snorts a suitcase full of cocaine, shows up late for work, goes to rehab, has 5 kids with 3 hot women, owns several mansions, has a net worth of $89 million, gets fired from his show, goes bonkers all over the TV and internet, and gets rewarded with offers to do shows on 2 different networks for his trouble. My life, compared to his, can't even be called a life. I live the life of a fruit fly compared to Charlie Sheen's life. I'm dead already in the time it takes Charlie Sheen to find 2 new hot girls to move in with and later sue him for millions per month in child support and alimony, plus a house. He will probably die soon, but on his tombstone they will print the word "WINNING" in big block letters. On my tombstone they will probably misspell my name and get the dates wrong, making it appear that I died before I was born or some such stupidity. And it will be oddly appropriate.
Chickenshit Americans
Americans have been wanting to hear that the sky is falling for as long as I can remember. Bullshit tales of how the world is ending and we're all going to die seem to be the best selling load of shit on TV, in movies, in our headlines and in books and magazines all across the country. It seems that the more comfortable and wealthy Americans are, the more they want to hear that a flaming rock is going to fall from the sky and crush them dead. We have all the oil we need to power our country located within our own borders, yet we refuse to allow anyone to get it. Thus, we have a great need for nuclear power. But we are scared of it because something might happen - what, we don't even know - but just the possibility that anything at all might go wrong paralyzes our country into not using an energy source that countries like France and Russia have been using successfully for years and years. We freak out because Japan has some cracks in a nuclear plant that is old, antiquated and, oh by the way, was hit by a combination of the biggest fucking earthquake anyone can remember and a giant tidal wave that washed entire populations of cities out to sea. Yet still we expect that nothing is supposed to go wrong in any way with a nuclear plant after a disaster like that?! We have entire refineries blowing the fuck up in places like Texas, without even having earthquakes and tsunamis to blame for the disaster, and yet we don't mind this at all. A giant ball of fire is something we can see as it engulfs us and turns us into toast. So we're good with that. But nuclear power is something most Americans don't understand, so they fear it. We fear nuclear power, even though the French are man enough for it, but we don't fear placing our lives in the hands of lunatics like Gadhafy and Chavez, the idiot dictator who just declared that capitalism destroyed life on Mars. When did Americans become this stupid? Was it before or after Oprah?
I have been sitting down at this computer week after week, night after night, for hours at a time, trying to take the ideas in my head and put them down here for my blog. Night after night something prevents me from completing a single post. Either the CPU is spinning at 100 percent for no damn reason, or the web browser is giving me fits, or Google just won't seem to find what I'm searching for even though I had it earlier that same day, or I'm distracted by something while I'm trying to write. It's always something. So this time I'm trying to just sit here and fling out whatever is in my head with less documentation, less Googling for supporting data or photos, and a willingness to kill any process, even if it's the damn virus scanner, that gets in my way. Look out, Blog, because I'm mad as hell and I'm not gonna take it anymore! Fucking PC! Fucking Microsoft! Fucking Google! AAAAAAUUUUGHHH!!!
OK, I feel better. And now, as I calm myself, something has just popped up on the television that has both captured my attention and inspired me about what I want to write. Shazaam!
Tyra Banks
In the past I have slammed on Tyra Banks for various things she has said and done, such as when she said she was a domestic violence victim because she once dated a guy who put her down and made her feel bad with the things he said. But today I found out that she has done something that deserves as much praise as I can come up with. So I'm going to eat my words and all the bad things I've said about her. Apparently in October of last year, Tyra did an entire show on male victims of domestic abuse. She had women on who admit to beating on their men whenever they feel like it and she had men who had been abused or were still being abused. That may not seem like a big deal considering that everyone with a TV show has done this with abused women, but the feminist backlash against her for acknowledging abused men, which our very own President, Vice President, U.S. Senate, Federal Law, Department of Justice, Supreme Court, and all the politically correct colleges and universities, refuse to allow anyone to discuss or acknowledge in any way, is huge. I take it all back, every bad thing I said. I will even get on my knees and kiss her ass if she wants me to. This was really cool of her to do.
Mary J Blige, one week after opening a women's only "domestic violence shelter" in New York, because American law only recognizes women as victims, violently shoved a man aside and punched her husband in the face at a party in front of hundreds of witnesses in a fit of "I own you" jealous rage. She then began screaming at her Domestic Violence Victim husband that he had better not "Chris Brown" her and hit her back, somehow missing the irony in the fact that she is the Chris Brown of their relationship. Unless Rihanna threw the first punch, too. Whatever the case, New York's DV Police and DV Prosecutor have made absolutely no effort to arrest her, and have not even issued a warrant for her arrest. No one is holding their breath waiting for the arrest, though, as Elin Woods has similarly not been arrested or charged. And then there's the injustice of husband-murderer Mary Winkler, and countless others just like her, still burning fresh in everyone's mind.
After the apparent hypocrisy of the husband battering incident began circulating on the internet, Mary J's rep began insisting that it was all a lie and she had only slapped him. Then, realizing that slapping him was still domestic violence, the story changed again and it was insisted that Mary J was very nobly trying to stop a fight between her husband and her brother.
Despite New York being at the heart of the misandric feminist capital of the world, the mandatory arrest for domestic violence, mandatory prosecution to the fullest extent of the law, feminist holy land, no attempt has been made to arrest Mary J. Blige. No charges have been filed or pursued by the Prosecutor's office. Nothing at all has been done about this.
Not one of Mary J. Blige's sponsors has dropped her as their representative despite the fact that she is a violent spouse abuser and worst kind of hypocrite.
Monserrate
New York Democrat state senator, Hiram Monserrate, dragged his girlfriend through a lobby before throwing her to the floor. He was quickly arrested for domestic violence even though he and the woman do not have a domestic relationship. The National Organization for Women and the Democratic Party called for his immediate resignation, no trial needed. Since then, he has been convicted. “The Senate chamber is no place for those who inflict violence on women,” said Senator Brian X. Foley, a Suffolk County Democrat. “For the sake of the New York State Senate, I sincerely hope Senator Monserrate will heed my call and resign immediately. The consequence of his refusal to do so will be a forced expulsion from the Senate.” New York is, on the other hand, just the place for violence against men. Just ask Mary J. Blige.
Charlie Sheen and his wife, Brooke Mueller, were recently doing cocaine all night long and into the early morning hours when, predictably, they started going apeshit crazy and beating on each other. At some point, Mr. Sheen is alleged to have pulled a knife and threatened Brooke with it, which is a felony. Police arrived and arrested Charlie for domestic violence. The couple was believed to be divorcing at this point. A judge ordered them to stay away from each other until Charlie's trial has concluded.
Several of Mr. Sheen's sponsors, including Haynes underwear, have dropped him as their spokesman as a result of his arrest.
So good together. So bad together
Rumor has it that Brooke was anxious to get back together as quickly as possible and the couple were seen together at a restaurant just this week.
One day you'll cheat on me And I'll take a 9 iron to your face
Tiger Woods' infidelity to his wife, Elin, is widely known, as is his car accident after she confronted him about it. What is not as well known is that Elin Woods is alleged to have nailed Tiger in the face with the golf club that she chased him out of the house and smashed the windows of his Cadillac Escalde with, breaking 2 teeth and his cheek. The reason Tiger crashed, lay on the ground in near unconciousness, and was not available to speak with police for several days after, is because Elin hurt him so badly that he had to be taken to a surgeon and was trying to hide the extent of the damage. To put it bluntly, she nearly took his head off. Elin has not been arrested or charged with domestic violence, as the police never got a chance to see what had happened and the Woods' attorneys circled the wagons as quickly as possible.
Apparently in response to female anger at Tiger Woods for cheating on his wife, and despite the fact that he is a victim of domestic violence, several of Tiger Woods' sponsors have dropped him as their spokesman.
Those French fuckers
The French government has just made it a criminal domestic-violence-related offense for a man to shout at or insult his wife. The law is expected to cover every kind of insult including repeated rude remarks about a partner's appearance. I am not making this up. In standard feminist fashion, words have been redefined in order to make them mean things which they do not mean, but which make cherished dogma seemingly truthful and sane. France has deemed it "psychological violence" for a man to criticize or insult his wife. The fact that there simply is no "violence" involved is irrelevant. The dogma is all that matters. Oh sure, the law is written to say that it goes both ways. A wife can also be arrested and charged for the same offense. But as Mary J Blige has reminded us, that isn't how its going to work.
You gonna Chris Brown me?
Mary J Blige and other celebrities including 50 Cent, Timbaland, Wyclef Jean, actor Tyler Perry have all been accused of ordering steroids or human growth hormone from doctors and pharmacists. Blige is vehemently denying ever having used a performance-enhancing drug. Albany County District Attorney David Soares named all of the above celebrities who are named in the investigation. Mary J's representative, now quite accustomed to issuing denials, insists that Mary J. Blige has never taken steroids and is simply naturally very thickly muscled like a bodybuilder or football player.
Perhaps the steroids might explain the uncontrolled rage that resulted in her punching her husband dead in the face in front of a crowd of witnesses and then screaming hysterically at him issuing a challenge to hit her back like Chris Brown?
But, of course, she never took any steroids and also never hit anyone. She's an angel, just like Mary Winkler.
Mary Mary quite contrary
You know what? I think I'm going to write Tyra Banks a letter saying "thanks" for having the courage to do that episode on her show. I hear the show is ending soon. It seems almost a shame it's ending now that I've discovered that she really does sometimes have something important to say. Maybe I'll send her some flowers, too.
