Labor Day

Today is Labor Day here in the United States. It's ironically named because it's a day we take off from work, so no labor. Well, theoretically no labor. I worked my ass off in the yard, so I guess that means I ignored Labor Day and didn't observe it. Oh well, I've always been a bit of a rebel.

What would you make of a person who forms their opinions of others based on appearances, say how well dressed they are and how the hold themselves, you know, like how confident they appear? Would you say this is a good way to go? I worked at a Big Alabama Bank once where the only people who got promoted were pretentious fucks who went deep into debt for a Lexus and a Rolex and the right GQ outfit. They had a lot of styling gel in their hair and all the confidence in the world (some say narcissism, but management says confidence) and yet it was based entirely upon illusion and bullshit. In fact, it's not unusual to see a well-dressed and excessively confident person in Memphis driving around in a leased BMW while living in a $60,000 house that belongs to their grandmama. The appearance they carry with them in their leased luxury automobile is all there is to them. There isn't anything more. But by God they sure LOOK good, don't they, what with all the gold jewelry hanging off of them and sometimes in their mouth.

I think you can take any philosophy too far. Take my father for example. He grew up around a lot of petty, white trash people who were prone to jealousy. As a result, he believed that you should never show any sign of your wealth at all. You should dress very ordinary, drive a very old and boring car with no flash whatever, and essentially do all that you can to become invisible. He once said to me that the best way to live is not to have a lot of nice things, but to not want anything. He made a lot of money in his lifetime. But he died without spending a nickel of it on anything fun. So what good did it do him?

On the other hand, I knew a girl who was blonde and beautiful and sexy as hell. She partied her ass off for her entire life. She made the most of her assets and it paid well for her. Men threw themselves and their money at her for as long as she lived. The thing is, she didn't live long. She partied 'till she dropped, and when she dropped that was it. Party over. It was a tragic thing, but there are those who say that they believe this is the way to go. She lived her every second to its' fullest and died before she got old and unattractive.

Speaking of contrasting philosophies, Barack Obama and the Democratic National Convention was all you could find on television all fucking week long last week. I swear it looked just like a televised religious revival service complete with shiny televangelists, altar calls, and passing the plate for donations. The only difference was that people were getting high in the pews and not caring if anyone knew about it rather than waiting until after the service when no one was looking. I think the Democratic National Convention is perhaps the best example we have today of the old Roman orgies. I'm telling you, any red-blooded male wanting to get laid can't ask for an easier place to get some than at the Democratic National Convention. Democrat girls are like a boxing match with an armless man - no matter what happens you know somebody's gonna be hittin' that all night long. Say what you want to about the philosophy of the Democrats, but they sure know how to party. In fact, even though the cameras are off and the whole spectacle technically ended last week, the orgy itself is still going on, I guarantee it.

Now it's time for the Republican National Convention. The Democrats' big "What Would Jesus Do" event ran all of last week, but the Republicans don't go quite that long. They just can't stay up that late anymore. There's kids to put to bed and reruns of Matlock to watch on TV before going to sleep. They have their daily routines and they don't like to mess with them even for a big political to-do. They were supposed to go four days in Minneapolis, the most boring city in the world. But they've changed their plans. A hurricane is coming, although nowhere near Minneapolis, and the Republicans have announced that they're going to cut it short and head home early just in case it gets a little windy up there or something. The truth is, they're all really glad for any excuse to cut it short. Can you imagine listening to four days of boring political speeches while totally sober? There isn't going to be any wild drunken orgies at the RNC. No one is going to sneak in a flask of vodka. Sure as hell no one is going to be passing doobies around. And there won't be anyone getting laid. They just want a few nice speeches and then head home to bed. To sleep.

In the news last week was a story about how both the Democrats and the Republicans have failed to submit their paperwork for their presidential candidates to be on the ballots in November in the state of Texas. The only party that submitted in time was the Libertarian Party, the penniless party. It'll be interesting to see if Texas stands by its' rules and refuses to allow McCain and Obama on the ballot. They always say "Don't Mess With Texas". Now let's see if they really mean it.

I've come to a point in my life where I don't know anymore what I believe. Or perhaps it's simply that I no longer care? I guess if I were to be totally honest I'd have to admit that I don't know which it is. Perhaps I still believe exactly as I always did, but no longer believe that it matters what I think. I just don't know. I told a friend that I skipped watching the Democratic National Convention on television in order to watch Hannah Montana. I said it as if it were a joke, but the truth is I really did. And it isn't as if I'm a big Hannah Montana fan. It's simply that Obama and Biden and the rest of Party of PC were on every other channel and I was left with little choice.

If you're curious, Hannah and her brother (who the fuck styles the guys' hair on that show?) were put on restriction for fighting and were both going to miss parties that they wanted to go to (the DNC?) so they snuck out and borrowed a friends truck. But it was foggy and they ran off the road and ended up hanging over a cliff. When they climbed out of the truck they discovered that it was just a tiny little 2 foot drop-off and they had been scared for nothing. Oh those wacky writers at Disney!

Anyway, this week I should benefit from the incredible bias of our television networks in blatantly preferring the Democrats over the Republicans because I know that most of the channels that ran the Democratic National Convention ad nauseam last week won't do the same for the Republicans this week. In fact, unless I were to actually flip channels looking for The Republican National Convention I doubt I'll even notice that it's going on.

I think the two major political parties must share more information than people might think. All year long I had been getting piles and piles of mail from both parties asking me for money and wanting me to join some fucking stupid causes like global warming and global feminism and shit. Well, one day I got a wild hair up my ass and decided to type a reply expressing my feelings of late (pissed off), but I only wrote a reply to one of the two parties relating to their specific actions of the past 15 years. I was too lazy to write a second one specifically aimed at the other party. So I printed off about 10 copies of my letter detailing exactly why I want to encourage the 'leaders' of that party to go fuck themselves and I stuffed them into the envelopes they so thoughtfully supplied me with. Then I mailed them off.

Since then, I haven't been receiving donation requests from EITHER party. It's as if a miracle occurred or something. Suddenly my mail is much more manageable. I've been really shocked, mostly because I was pretty sure no one was reading ANYTHING I wrote to them.

So anyway, if you live in the United States and you've been getting way too much political bullshit letters in your mailbox I'd like to encourage you to write a long, detailed letter to one or both of the major political parties explaining exactly why you want them to fuck off and how they should go about doing it. Then send it to them. Not only will the sudden decrease in political mailings bring you greater peace of mind, but also you'll be saving billions and billions of trees that would otherwise have been killed in order to make the paper that was being used to harass the shit out of you. So you see, it's good for the environment!


Fuck off, politicians!