We are the President
ABC News is pushing the wage gap myth again. It's bullshit, but you wouldn't know it if you rely on the mainstream media or Democratic Party for your information. Apparently female supremacists can't do math, but the economists at the Independent Women's Forum can, which is why they never get invited to be interviewed for these blatantly political propaganda stories which always run at election time.
A hockey coach stopped a runaway Belgian horse by making like Mike Tyson and biting its' ear. Soon he'll be charged with cruelty to animals, a felony, but at least he saved lives. If he's lucky he'll get the judge that Mary Winkler had and perhaps only serve 67 days in an exclusive Memphis hotel rather than do any actual jailtime.
In the true spirit of Grrl Power!, a gang of rowdy teenage biotches had to be tackled and mauled by the police in order to stop their knock-down, drag-out brawl at Chuck E Cheese. No word yet as to whether Hillary Clinton will celebrate this glorious display of feminist achievement in her next speech. It was Hillary, after all, who created the sexist Girl Power! program.
In another fine example of Girl Power! in action, a jealous bitch in Indonesia, named Umidah Setu, tried to cut off her husband's penis because she thought he might be cheating, but she wasn't sure. The victim of the vicious sexual attack had to drive himself to the hospital on a scooter in order to get help. She was sentenced to a whopping 6 months in jail for her crime. Apparently a lack of adequate punishment for violent female sex offenders is a universal thing and not just an American thing. yay, so excited. Apparently Mrs. Setu felt inspired by Carrie Underwood's hit song "Before He Cheats", about a woman destroying a man's truck with a knife and bat because she thinks he might be cheating, but doesn't actually know for sure whether he is or not.
A man bought a smoker at an auction and found a human leg inside. I wasn't even aware that you could buy smokers, but since you can, I'd like to enter a bid for Carmen Electra.
Black American racists are demanding that Egypt declare that King Tut was a negro and are infuriated that Egypt's experts are refusing to do so. Egypt has responded by 'calling bullshit' and has indicated that they don't care if L.A. is burned down and filled with riots, just so long as the idiots leave Cairo alone.
Stalin bad, freedom good
Former Soviet Union President Mikhail Gorbachev warned Russians on Wednesday of the risk of a rebirth of Stalinism. Apparently someone with considerable power and influence in Russia has been encouraging the myth that Stalin was a great leader who did not hurt people much. The Russian media has been promoting the myth that Stalin was a man with a conscience who sought a relationship with God in his last days. President Putin has openly praised Stalin, and insisted that the Nazis were far worse by virtue of merely being socialists who killed a mere 6 million and not pure communists, as Stalin was, who killed over 100 million. The newest government-authored and mandated history books for Russian schools label Stalin as "the most successful leader of the USSR." Putin also insists that "Russian women only make 77 cents for every dollar Russian men make" and promises that he will put an end to this by creating new legislation penalizing working Russian males and promoting female supremacy through male obliteration via labor camps and daily executions. Close friend and ally Hillary Clinton was on hand to applaud his remarks.
A fire hydrant in Oregon was painted as the American flag, but had to be repainted after local genuises observed that dogs were peeing on it. Who could have predicted such a thing?
A man in Ohio, with the unfortunate name of Rodney Rogers, has been living in a house while his friends built it. Apparently he expected them to sell it to him when they were done. When they refused to do so, he reacted as any rational American would and cut the house in two at chest level all the way around with a power saw, rendering it completely useless. He has not been jailed and is free on bond. What a pal. Go Buckeyes!
A British man, excited to have acquired a quality German car, was caught driving the Porsche 911 Turbo at an amazing 172 miles per hour in Oxfordshire, where a police traffic camera caught him on video. That's 277 kilometers per hour to the rest of you. In addition to awarding him jail time for his amazing feat, the police have also awarded him the new high speed automobile record, previously held by a Scottish car dealer who was caught doing 156 mph (251 kph) in 2003. Mr. Tim Brady, the new record holder, was not the actual owner of the car, but merely a delivery driver for a luxury car dealership, which has chosen to no longer employ him despite his brave efforts to prove the amazing capabilities of one of their finest and most popular automobiles. The British court has also banned him from driving anything more powerful than a bicycle on their roads for the next 3 years. Much to his disappointment, he is not the all-time fastest British driver. This record belongs to a Mister Daniel Nicks, a motorcyclist who strapped a camcorder to his helmet and filmed himself doing 175 mph in December 2000. After he crashed and was sewn back together, he was also ticketed and given the coveted "fastest driver" award. This award may be forfeited at any time, though, as soon as police catch an unknown motorcyclist who videoed himself going 176 mph and posted his remarkable feat on the internet.
Cheerioooooh shit!
Some animal activists in Austria are fighting in court to get a chimp legally declared to be a person. Apparently they feel that with people treating one another as badly as they do these days, perhaps chimps would make better people than actual people do? Or it may just be that they are all stoned out of their minds. Who can really say? Either way, the Austrian courts in the city of Wiener Neustadt are having none of it and have effectively told the idiots to "get stuffed."
Mutter? Vater?
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