Don't Taze Me, Bro - OW OW!!!

So, some college student at a Florida University was arrested and Tasered yesterday. The video is all over the place. They're playing the audio from it on the radio while they argue about whether it was justified or abuse. I'm watching the video and trying to draw out my own reaction here.

Hey, it doesn't look like they attacked his testicles, so I'm pretty much not getting wound up on this one.

Yeah, everyone knows I'm not a huge fan of Taser International, the manufacturer of the Tom Swift Electric Rifle, especially after they redesigned the weapon to fire a dart into the genitals as often as possible.

And everyone knows I'm not a fan of the feminists' shoving women into the police force via quotas, forcing them to reduce the size and strength requirements for officers just so they could have their feminized dream army.

And many of us remember that the feminization of the police is why they then started teaching them to use sexual assault and castration as a tool for apprehending ordinary citizens, because most police women are smaller than most men. Also, when a rather manish woman with short hair starts ordering a man around as if she's his daddy it usually incites a response of resistance and resentment in the man. In many women, too, actually.

Hey, when reality doesn't fit your politicized fantasy, just resort to sexual torture. Can't get your square peg to fit in that round hole? Don't admit you were wrong. Just get a bigger hammer. Sure. Whatever.

But all in all, what is my reaction to this video? Since I probably should say something, I'll say this:

the guy should have shut up and gone along as soon as the first cop put her hand on him and said, "let's go." Everything after that was a big mistake. And certainly once he was on the ground, no way should he have rolled over, exposing his groin by the way, and said "don't Taze me, bro!"

I mean, really, did he ACTUALLY call the cop 'bro'?

Idiot.

So, I nearly hit a doe, a buck, and a bitch in a minivan this morning.

I shouldn't say that. I don't know if she was a bitch. I just know she wasn't a very good driver. But it was early and maybe she was tired? I know I was. I still am. I'm dragging lower than Dolly Parton's original breasts. I wonder who her plastic surgeon is? I wonder if they installed straps under her skin to help hold those puppies up? If they didn't then someone needs to invent this. Maybe I could do it? I could be rich - the guy who invented under-the-skin boob straps. I'll bet there's a big market for this, especially in California, where real breasts are rarer than a complete set of testicles in Congress.

I wonder if my coworkers would notice if I made a pot of triple strength coffee? I mean, just add a little extra sugar and cream and you're good to go, right?

I drink it black, so I really wouldn't know.


Chelsea Handler
Last night on Chelsea Handler's talk show 'Chelsea Lately', she said "they say once you go black, you never go back. I went black for a while. I came running back. That was too much pain for me."

That cracked my shit up.

So, I'm thinking of emailing her and telling her I'd do her. Who knows, maybe she'll email back and say, "come on over!" Yeah, 'cause you just never know until you try.

Yes you do. That's not gonna happen.


Kim
Chelsea's guest was model Kim Kardashian, the girl with the big bootay. Chelsea asked her if her bootay was real or was the result of butt implants, as rampant rumors claim. Kim responded that her butt is all real, and that she's had it since she was about 12.

Chelsea said, "well, I don't guess there's a lot of girls that young going around getting implants."

Kim started to say "you'd be surprised" but then stopped herself.

They used to refer to California's Silicon Valley. They still do, only now it has nothing to do with software.

I was supposed to be reading last night, but I ended up watching "Beauty and the Geek" instead. There are two women on there that just blow me away, named Natalie and Amanda. Natalie is possibly the most beautiful woman I've ever seen.


Natalie and Amanda
In contrast to that, one of the geeks, Joshua, is perhaps the geekiest geek of all time. I honestly think he could have been the inspiration for Jerry Lewis' famous geek character if only he had been born at the right time. I can hear this guy shouting, "oh Deeeeeeeeean, pretty laaaaaaaay-dee!" Poor guy, he picked the dumbest of the beauties to be his partner. He's as good as out of there already.


Joshua
After that show, "Girls Next Door" came on and I am ashamed to admit that I watched it. I love Kendra, but I couldn't care less about the other two. Kendra you could play soccer with all day and fuck all night. The others, I guess you'd take them shopping? Who can say what they do all day? Whatever it is, I'll bet it's boring and pink and has a stupid bow on it.


Kendra
Now keep in mind, this is just my reaction after seeing one episode. I don't know much of anything about any of the girls. Maybe I would like the other two better if I did? Hugh seemed older than dirt. The man could barely get up off the couch without a walker. I envy him having a hot 20-year-old in his stable. Hell, I envy him having a stable at all, but good Lord, he's old.


Dick and Daniele
I heard on the radio that Dick the dick won Big Brother this season. I saw a grand total of one episode and I didn't like Dick or the other dick that he schemed with at all. But Dick had his daughter to shield him, which I would think gave him a huge advantage over everyone else. I loved his daughter, but he was a skeeze.

So anyway, I have to poop and this post is about as random a collection of my random and useless thoughts as you could ask for. So there you go.

Other News Stories That Caught My Eye Today

OJ Simpson's Bail set at $125000 - Maybe he's just really desperate for attention and maybe there's some wild anti-OJ conspiracy going on here. The bottom line is - I don't care.

Nebraska state senator sues God - ever wondered if you elected a moron or a lunatic? Here's a pretty strong indicator. This jackass hates God and Christians and presumably Jews, although he lacks the balls to answer about the Jew part, and he wants to make a big statement to all the world about it. Listen up, bro, we don't care about your problems with The Almighty. Get over it. Or go to hell. Whatever.

"Dead" man wakes up under autopsy knife - I haven't read this one, but it sure doesn't sound very pleasant. I mean, how bad would this suck? Clearly the guy was already having a rough time, and then he wakes up to find them carving him like a turkey.

Forklift removes 900-pound man from home - I guess the Scooter Store didn't have one in his size?

Seattle trolley line has acronym: SLUT - well, now EVERYBODY'S gonna want to ride.

British woman gets 20 years for "honor killing" - this is the difference between a woman killing a man and a woman killing a woman. She killed a woman and got 20 years, as opposed to the 67 days she would have gotten had she killed her husband. Take note, boys and girls, this may be on the test.

Eyes Can't Resist Beautiful People - the feminists are going to shit over this one. That whole 'sexual harassment via ogling' thing flies in the face of reality. Then again, so does ... nevermind.

Elderly at highest risk for suicide - I thought males between the ages of 14 and 25 were at the highest risk for suicide, especially considering they account for roughlly 80 percent of them? Oh wait, the woman the Clintons appointed to run the CDC, whom Bush mysteriously left in charge, says that this is not a problem. But when the number of girls in the same age range committing suicide rose from about 4 to 14 she declared it an "epidemic" and sounded the alarm. So I guess I can see how a little money from the AARP into her back pocket might result in this new declaration less than a month after she claimed there was that epidemic of suicides among girls. Yeah, second verse, same as the first. Everybody sing along.

Cannabis is catch of the day for Irish trawler - I'm guessing these guys won't be home from 'fishing' for several weeks after this. They'll be found out there, floating aimlessly without anyone at the helm, everyone laying about on the deck just smiling and staring into the distance. Ah, the sailor's life is the life for me!

EBay stops sale of Belgium - oh thank God! We almost lost this European treasure to some wealthy software developer in Sacramento.

By the way, for those of you who don't know, today is International Talk Like A Pirate Day.