If you know an address I can use to contact Blogger.com that they actually respond to, or a phone number, or someone I can punch in the face, please let me know.
Kat Parker - she's cool
I've been out of town the last few days. I went to Atlanta to visit CNN. I was planning to talk to my favorite new TV reporter and syndicated columnist, Kathleen Parker, because Kathleen long ago encouraged me to become a writer and I always appreciated that. In case you couldn't tell, I never got much encouragement in my life, especially not from my parents, so when a great writer like Kathleen Parker encouraged me to write I was extremely flattered. She has her own show now on CNN, Parker Spitzer, and I want all you guys to watch it. Yes, I realize I'm encouraging you to watch something on CNN despite not liking much of anything about CNN, but in this case I'm making an exception. Kathleen is worth it.
Anyway, it turns out that Kathleen isn't based out of Atlanta. She's in New York and sometimes D.C., so I didn't get to see her. Instead, Nancy Grace was there doing her news thing on live TV. Nancy is a bit of a male-basher. If you've read my blog for any length of time then you know how I feel about male-bashers. I wanted to slap her in the face. Actually, come to think of it, a woman I was with actually brought the whole idea up when she said, "My husband hates her. He'd like to slap her across the face."
So there I was. And there Nancy Grace was. And I had a powerful urge to do some slapping. But she was on TV and the cameras were rolling and it was all being broadcast live. And it occurred to me that if I ran onto the set and wacked her on live TV that might make it hard to mount a defense in court later seeing as the entire country, the entire world even, would see me do it. Also, there were guards with weapons around and I think they could sense what I was thinking about doing because they moved closer to me. So anyway, I didn't slap Nancy Grace.
Jane Velez Mitchell wasn't there at the time, either, or my urge to slap might've overpowered my awareness that I would surely be caught and arrested. I went right past her desk and had to suppress the urge to drop my pants and pee in her chair.
I spent several hours hanging around CNN. It was raining outside and there were tornadoes all around. Some homeless woman had slipped inside and was hitting me up for cigarettes while moaning about how she had hurt her ankle. Glamorous it was not. But what a huge building it was! And I know this because I went literally everywhere in that place. And it took all night.
As long as I'm blogging this, I might as well tell you, I'm trying to upload images of the CNN building and I can't. Do you know why I can't? Neither do I. I have to say, over the past year or more I have become more than a little sick and tired of having my fucking time wasted by piece of shit computers and the fucking internet and how damn long it takes to do any little fucking thing involving a computer and the internet just in general. I don't even like to check my email anymore, let alone blog, because of how fucking much time it takes. I actually dread trying to put together a new blog post these days, especially since I let Blogger sucker me into adopting the new editor they were pushing. I had hoped the new editor would make things easier and faster, but no, as usual the latest change to the existing technology is a giant fucking step back, making it harder and taking more of my valuable time to do what I used to be able to do in half the time.
I have grown to HATE computers. In fact, since I obtained a feature-laden cell phone and an iPod, my life has become a nightmare of technological problems. I can't make a call half the time because my fucking phone is frozen up and nobody seems to know why. Oh, it takes photos and videos and lets me listen to music and surf the net, that is, when its working. But half the time it isn't working. Half the time it's making me curse and scream and want to throw it out the fucking window. And don't even get me started on the trouble I've had with the latest and 'greatest' Apple software for the iPod. I had no trouble loading all sorts of music onto an iPod I bought for the Mrs years ago, but now that I have my own and had to download the latest software for it, nothing is easy. It's a huge pain in my ass and I have absolutely no patience for it anymore. I have given more than enough of my life to machines only to have them waste most of that time for me. And I am sick and damn tired of it.
Computer generated weather report
So, just to sum up, my blog has been hacked by fucking asshats from China or some such place. I did not get to talk with uber-cool Kathleen Parker. I did not punch Nancy Grace in the face, although I could have. I did not punch Jane Velez Mitchell in the face, if only because she wasn't there at the time. I have grown to hate slow computers just in general. I hate my cell phone because it is a piece of shit. And I haven't got even one song on my iPod because the version of the software that Apple keeps telling me to download is a fucking nightmare and I am just not that interested in the latest technology or the latest version of something that used to be simple to use but isn't anymore. If it isn't simple and it doesn't work intuitively then I have better things to do with my time.
And so do you. Why do we put up with this shit? I remember when I had to sit and wait for the damn modem to actually dial and connect. And then every blog was so slow to load. These days that's not the problem. The problem is that it won't load at all. Instead I get some stupid error, but without any specific error message. Or else I can't comment and have no idea why. Or it wants me to log in over and over again for no fucking reason. Or the browser crashes right in the middle of what I'm doing. Or the computer can't get online at all because the phone company is fucked up. Or the computer has a virus. Or the computer has been hacked. Or the computer is just a piece of shit in general. Or Windows is fucking with me and pissing me off. It's always something.
And meanwhile, I have a stack of good books sitting on the table next to me just waiting for me to give them some of my time. Every single day I find myself increasingly willing to just leave the computer powered off and pick up one of those books.
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