By Tresckow
OK. So it had to happen eventually. Some touchy feely school banned tag. Reread that, please. Banned tag. TAG! What in the bloody hell for? Yes, I said bloody hell. That in itself is a long story.
Back to the subject at hand. Banning tag. You whining, tofu eating, overly sensitive, corn lickers! You managed to ban a playground game that has been around since George Washington was vandalizing his father's property. Nice going fuzznuts. It's tag! Holy shit, look out, you may be IT!
Hide and seek will be banned, because it's too much like stalking.
Dodge ball will be kicked to the curb because the kids with weak throwing arms and poor accuracy are having self esteem issues (not to mention the pummeling they take).
Capture the flag will be regarded as a paramilitary exercise. In an effort to make all the participants feel special EVERYONE will get their own flag. Everyone is a winner!!
Where the hell does it end? We are breeding a nation of pussies I swear. As soon as they replaced the mix of wood chips and rocks below the swings and jungle gyms with allergy safe foam rubber mats is when we started going downhill.
The school was quoted as saying: "It causes a lot of conflict on the playground," said Cindy Fesgen, assistant principal of the Discovery Canyon Campus school. "
NO SHIT? Playground conflicts? At school? I don't believe you. Liars! No, wait. It's a fucking playground. There is supposed to be conflict. You're right. Let's wait for the kids to grow up and have their first lesson in conflict in college. Why slowly expose the kids to the fact that there is conflict in the world in a controlled environment with relatively minor and harmless issues. "You took my Legos!"
Better yet, do away with physical activities all together and stick with the drug dealing that typically goes on in most school playgrounds. I hate you.
There is an obesity epidemic in the US. I'm serious. In my day there were maybe two fat kids in a class. I mean FAT. Wash yourself with a rag on a stick, fat. Of course there were some overweight kids too. But, holy shit on a lawnmower, it was by no means acceptable. You're kid is fat. Why? The others are fit. Why? Football, track, basketball, running from the police, etc. Where do children learn that physical activity is a good thing? If you said "their parents" you are wrong. Parents don't want to be bothered with little things like teaching values, morals, or life lessons. That's what television and public schools are for. No. Kids learn a lot of these lessons when they are young in school. Now, they are learning to sit there, shut up, and don't play competitive games, because it will make someone feel bad.
Kids are FAT, not PHAT. Instead of getting the fat ones up to the level of the not so fat (there are relatively few "thin" kids anymore) we are quite content to keep everyone on the same fat ass level. It's ok to be a hostess pie eating fat ass mother chucker. I respect your feelings. Fuck you!
I hate this article and mind set so much I taste bile. If and when I have children I am simply going to keep it real. No lying. "Son/daughter. Your classmates are assholes. Do not be an asshole. Little assholes turn into grown up assholes who beget more assholes."
You can find the original shit enducing article here in Forbes: http://www.forbes.com/feed
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