Sunday, January 18, 2009

Thoughts from My Ass

I need to write a new post, but I'm sick and don't feel terribly inspired. There are plenty of things I could write about, but I don't feel much like writing about any of them. I'm not sure why. Anyway, I guess I'm going to write about things I don't feel inspired to write about, things I couldn't care less about. For example ...

Obama's giant, most-expensive-ever, inauguration.


Ka-Ching!

I've been aware for quite some time that moron ex-hippies from the baby boomer generation think that if a man is black, he must be noble and good and better than you. Also, if he's gay or an American Indian or a Middle Eastern terrorist or homeless. Anyway, to the ex-hippies of the Woodstock generation, being a black man gives you an instant free pass. You can spout off all the stupidity and racism you want and they'll applaud you for it.

Still, why so much hoopla over the inaguration of Obama? He hasn't done anything of note, other than being right smack in the middle of the sub-prime mortage crisis that robbed the entire world in one fell swoop, that is. I mean, I know people tend to love a Bonnie and Clyde type, a criminal who gets away with the cash in a blaze of gunfire and glory, but the fact is there wasn't any gunfire and glory. So what's the deal here?

Is it because he's half-black? Is that all it is? Because it sure as hell looks that way to me, and I can't help but think that if this is why so many people are swooning over this Chicago mafia politician, then they're all racists. And I mean that with all my heart. If you think a man is better suited to lead because he's blacker than you are then you are a racist. If your sole reason for being excited about Barack Obama becoming president is the color of his skin, then you, sir or madam, are a flaming bigoted racist. Yes sir, it's true.

I say this because, first of all, anyone who doesn't like him is automatically accused of racism. And secondly, because no one raising their hands and chanting "Amen, brother Obama, Amen and praise Jesus" has produced one single example of something worthwhile that Obama has done to explain their trust in him. The man was in the Senate for all of 4 years and this is the sum total of his entire career. So what did he do in those 4 years? What groundbreaking legislation did he sponsor? What leadership role did he play?

None. Zip. Zero. Zilch.

Before I go on, let me point out that liking him or having voted for him is not the same thing as swooning over him or going to his inaguaration and peeing yourself with excitement over him. There's a difference and I am fully aware of that.

Now, getting back to the point, having grown up in several big Baptist churches, I've seen my share of charismatic flim-flam men who come into town, whip the old ladies into an orgasmic frenzy of "hallelujah"s with empty rhetoric and an even emptier suit, and then disappeared with wads of cash. Also, whenever anyone wants to run for the position of City Prosecutor, he always makes a sudden appearence at the largest and most influential Baptist church in town, where he shakes lots of hands and smiles at lots of easily influenced old ladies. He suddenly 'finds Jesus' just long enough to get elected, after which he is never seen in church again. So when I say I am familiar with bullshitters I want you to know that I mean it. And Obama, with his sing-song speeches that point out supposed problems and yet never seem to offer any concrete solutions of any kind, he's a bullshitter.

Yes, it's true. And the worst part is, he's not even that good at it. I've seen better many times over. But he's black, you see, or half-black. And he talks extremely white. And he wears a massively expensive suit. Women just eat that shit up. So every time he cat-walks up onstage to bullshit an audience with a very white voice, the women are all swooning and soaking their panties before he even opens his mouth. And when he speaks, saying absolutely nothing, they swoon over his deep voice and the melodic way he bounces his words around.

I realize that his hand-picked opponent, John McCain, was his exact opposite, a poor speaker with zero charisma and a penchant for lousy, cheap suits. I know that in an Oprah Winfrey Nation like America has become, there was no way in hell that a faded old flag-waver like John McCain was ever going to beat a Southern Baptist televangelist like Barack Obama. It didn't make one bit of difference what either of them actually said in their speeches. It didn't make one bit of difference if one of them is tied to hate groups who promote racism. In fact, it wouldn't have made any difference if Obama had punched his wife dead in the face on national television and told her to get in the kitchen and bake him some pie. The women would still swoon over him and vote for him in record numbers. And somehow his punching of his wife would be twisted around and spun in such a way as to portray it as manly and macho and good. You know it would.

Just like it did when Paula Jones filed suit against President Bill Clinton for sexual harassment and all the feminist hate groups suddenly didn't have a problem with blatant sexual harassment. No, they defended him and said they LOVE a good sexual harassment.

Still, all these people talking about how 'historic' this particular inaguration is just makes me wonder if everyone has forgotten that Bill Clinton was already decreed the "first black president" by the black political lobby some 8 years ago. You can't take that back. What's done is done. Clinton was the first black president. Obama is just the first president with a black wife.



Get in the kitchen and bake me some pie!

Jennifer Lopez and her husband, Whatshisface, are apparently having huge fights. According to the grocery store tabloids, they are getting physical now.

Wasn't Jennifer Lopez in some misandric film where her ex-husband stalked her and abused her so she studied Krav Maga and murdered him? So what's the problem here? Clearly she's not in any danger. If anyone is, it's him. He has no chance in a fight against her, plus not having any legal rights or protections either. He's doubly screwed. If she's beating him, no matter what he does or doesn't do, he's going to prison for it. So there really isn't much to say about this, is there? Is there just so little going on, what with the world in a gigantic financial crisis and the governor of Illinois being impeached and all, that there is nothing better to talk about? Really? J Lo?

Who cares?


Madonna and Guy Ritchie divorce turns ug ... ZZZZZ. Oh sorry, did I doze off? I guess it's because I DON'T CARE.


Sean Penn makes film about gay political activist named Harvey Milk. The film is guaranteed to win tons of awards for being so uber politically correct, and yet not be seen by anyone because it's not about anything that anyone really wants to see, much like most of the movies coming out of Hollywood these days.


Israel is fighting with Hezbolla in Gaza and people are dying.

Really? Doesn't this shit happen like every other day? Why are we suddenly going gung ho against Israel for shooting at terrorists when this shit is happening all the time? Is there nothing else? No financial crisis sweeping the globe? No "first half-black president with hugely expensive inauguration" or anything? I can't even try to care here.



Holy Mother of God!

A fashion designer in Chile has dressed up some of his models as the Virgin Mary. Some of his models are not wearing a lot of clothes and some of them have some serious tits. So Catholics are upset. I understand that if someone attacks your faith you have a right and even an obligation to be offended, but I don't see what the offense is here. How do we know if Mary was busty or not? She might have been stacked like a brick shithouse. Granted, history indicates she was probably between 12 and 14 years of age at the time Jesus was born, but even so, there have been cases of girls younger than that developing bodies that would make Hugh Hefner blush. It's possible. What's all the hubub, bub?


Russia cuts off flow of natural gas to Ukraine and Europe, accusing the Ukraine of ... blah blah blah. Who gives a shit what Russia accuses the Ukraine of doing? You know it's bullshit because it came from Russia. Remember Russia? They're the same country that tried to murder the president of Ukraine by poisoning him. He still has the scarred face to prove it. Any time Russia fucks with anyone they always follow up their attacks with a lot of accusations. It's the standard behavior of a sociopath. To me, all their accusations are just like a distant barking dog. I might shoot him or I might just roll over and go back to sleep.


Yes, yes, I know. Somewhere in all of this is something that you do care about. And you probably think that I should, too. But I just don't. I can't. I don't know how to explain why. I just don't. It's after midnight, it's Monday, and I've been sick all weekend. I don't care about much of any of the shit I'm seeing in the news lately. The shit I care about is mostly not being reported or talked about with any real attempt to make it clear. The shit I care about is being quickly hidden behind a giant inauguration, a bunch of misdirection, and a quick as lightning impeachment. Oh, and there's a stolen election in Minnesota affecting the U.S. Senate to talk about, too, but you won't be hearing about it. Nope. I mean, how could that possibly matter?


Mister Soros bought me a Senate seat!


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