Friday College Girls Sledding

All morning long I've had various random funny ideas pop into my head and then disappear before I could write them down. Now it's afternoon, I have my editor open to write them down and the funny ideas are gone. I'm sure you are thrilled to read that I am writing this post without the funny ideas instead of just waiting for them to return, eh? Yes, I am a bastard like that.


I have made a new blog buddy. She's a crazy brunette hottie who gets more blog hits and comments in 5 minutes than I get all week. I try to tell myself it's because of affirmative action, but I secretly suspect its because she's funny and good-looking at the same time, whereas I'm a naked guy on a toilet beside the road, which is just sort of odd.


People keep trying to talk to me first thing in the morning and subtly ask me to do things for them without flat out asking. Subtlety doesn't work on me when half my brain is still unconscious. You have to just say what you mean, like a man, instead of farting around with hints, like a woman. No offense meant to women, but any of you who are married surely must have discovered this about men by now. Hints in the morning, unless they are about sex, get you nowhere.



There are college girls in skin-tight jeans sledding along the sloped sides of bridges and elevated highways here today. They have Barbie pink sleds and cute boots and are giggling and causing car accidents among men and lesbians driving past on the still-icy roadways. I know this because I just got back from lunch and nearly had a wreck while trying to take a photo. I did not get the photo, but I also did not have a wreck. It was neither or both, but apparently one without the other was not an option. Although, if I hadn't had a meeting I was supposed to be at, I would have stopped the car and got out to take a proper photo. I am a photographer, after all, so I can do things like that, even if I was only using my cell phone camera.


"What is the gender of your baby?"
"Whatever I want it to be on any given day."

During lunch I had a long and semi-interesting conversation with a guy about the misuses of the English language and influence of political correctness as they both relate to the word "gender." Gender does not mean the same as biological sex, if you didn't know, although in these feminist times it has been forcibly interchanged with it by lesbian English teachers at ivy league colleges for purely political reasons. How we got on this topic, I have no idea. But we did, and as you know I definitely have opinions on this subject, so I let them fly. He also has opinions, although they were more off-the-cuff theories about where this might have come from and what might have been in the past, but he did no research and so many of his assumptions were based on what we are told today, as opposed to the actual verifiable facts of history minus the influence of political correctness/feminist rewriting of the recorded past. In the end, neither of us cared enough to get heated about it and so we both shorted our waiter's tip for giving shitty service and left with a feeling of satisfaction that we had done the right thing, as this was not the first time we had eaten at this restaurant and received shitty service from this particular waiter. It was also not the first time we'd had a funky conversation about weird shit while eating there. What's up with that?



So there is lots of shit going on in the news that doesn't interest me much, and yet I'm about to quickly skim over some of it for no good reason.


A crazy man, and I don't mean bullshit crazy like Lorena Bobbit or Mary Winker who were just bitches and not the same as crazy, shot and killed a federal judge and attempted to kill a Congresswoman out in Arizona a few days ago. Since random events happening in the farthest corners of the United States are reported in far away countries like Australia even though they are of little importance to Australians, I will assume you all heard about this. Also, an Aussie on the internet was flat out going off on the need for gun control because of this woman being shot and we had an argument, so I know our shitty networks are reporting our news in other countries who should not even care about them because this guy was quoting CNN like it was the Gospel. Anyway, our White House and Democratic media were reporting that Sarah Palin had shot these people and not some crazy Marxist at all. They even went so far as to interrupt the latest episodes of Modern Family and Cougar Town just so Obama could make a political campaign speech basically saying that all non-Democrats should tone down their political rhetoric even as his own remains highly inflammatory and his supporters booed, at a funeral mind you, the Republican Governor of the state in which the shooting occurred when she got up to speak. And somewhere in Washington, I'm sure, Republican House Speaker John Boehner, wearing his favorite pink tie, broke down and cried. If there's one thing the Democratic Party has consistently stood for it is inflammatory rhetoric and open hatred of anyone who disagrees. If there is one thing the Republican Party has consistently stood for it is not really standing for anything with any real conviction and repeatedly offering up presidential candidates like Bob Dole, John McCain or the ever-tearful John Boehner, none of whom inspire much of anything in any non-Democrat, let alone inflammatory rhetoric. Meanwhile, everyone who ever knew the shooter has consistently reported that he is indeed quite insane and always has been, yet even so, prior to his shooting at political figures he has never been dealt with in any way by anyone who might have had the power to defuse the threat he posed. Shades of mass murderer and crazed shooter Amy Bishop can't help but emerge here, along with the Muslim jihad terrorist who shot and killed soldiers at Ft Hood in Texas and the crazed shooter at Virgina Tech, whom everyone knew to be insane and feared long before anything terrible ever happened.


Perspective

What do world leaders do when they are in meetings with all the other world leaders and find themselves with the unavoidable need to fart? Do they just rip one and say "I am important. I can do that." Or do they hurriedly excuse themselves and run to fart out in the hall, like my mom in church? I'll bet Russia's PM, Putin, just rips it loud and proud. I'll bet Obama farts in the hall, like a girl. I'll bet Sarkozy of France and whatsherface of Germany both slide them out as quietly as they can, but otherwise don't care if anyone smells it. I'm not sure what to think Gilliard of Australia might do. I guess it depends on how drunk she is at the time, eh?


I farted

There has been yet another reported instance of a man being shot in the genitals by a cop with a Taser and having his entire genitalia totally destroyed by it. Salaad Mahamed was already in prison and was laying on the floor on his back when they shot him directly in the testicles, literally spearing one of his testicles like a spear gun through a fish and destroying it, before the 50,000 volts ripped through him and fried all the nerves in his entire groin area, leaving him totally impotent and incontinent, like so many of the other men who have been shot in the genitals with a Taser before him. So now, because a guard didn't like the way he was laying on the floor, he is partially castrated, totally impotent, and has to wear diapers for the rest of his life. You would think, with a clearly cruel and evil torturous thing like this being done to him by authorities, he must have been heavily armed and quite dangerous, right? But no, he had no weapons and was not violent, just like all the other men who police have shot in the balls with Tasers and emasculated. And just a year ago, Taser International sent out revised instructions on how to properly use their guns, instructing police to "shoot low" and target the groin area as much as possible. And this for a weapon that is used almost exclusively on unarmed, non-violent men! It is an absolute outrage.



One thing I have learned over the years, and apparently this is unusual for a guy to know, is that girls will gladly accept photos of a man's bare ass, but when it comes to junk shots there is really just no one wanting to see that. I have seen far too many girls get a text message, look at their phone, make a face of disgust, and then hit 'delete' before telling me that some random guy just sent them a picture of his junk in various phases of sexual excitement. I have never sent one out myself and I never will. I'd like to think that somewhere a hot girl is sad about that, but I know better.


Happy to use it, but they don't want to see it.


As long as the Canadian government is banning old rock songs which a tiny minority find offensive (Dire Straights - Money for Nothing) I'd like to know if they might go ahead and ban all the old late '70s, early '80s disco songs which truly were disgusting, like everything by KC and the Sunshine Band, for example. I think as long as such dramatic and blatant censorship is going to be used it might as well benefit all of us rather than merely a tiny influential but wealthy few. Ban disco. In fact, ban everything that even remotely sounds like disco. In fact, if any episodes of an old show called "Solid Gold" still exist, ban every single song that was ever performed on that show.


Disco - it still sucks

Apparently there is some controversy over the fact that 'they' have changed the Zodiac, resulting in people having new "star signs." My new star sign is Superfreakius. I'm Rick James, bitch!

Police Officer Uses Taser On 10-Year-Old Groin-Kicking Girl

Something tells me I'm gonna have a bad day

OZARK, Ark. -- Ozark police said they were called to a home where a mother asked for help with her unruly child, but the 10-year-old's father said he's outraged at the force police used against his daughter.

"I would like to say Ozark police Tased this little girl right here. Ten years old and [they] shot electricity through her body, and I want to know how the heck in God's green earth can they get away with this," said the girl's father, Anthony Medlock.

Medlock said his daughter was at her mother's house when Ozark police Officer Dustin Bradshaw shocked her in the back with a Taser and arrested her.

"If you can't pick the kid up and take her to your car, handcuff her, then I don't think you need to be an officer," Medlock said.

Medlock said his daughter does show signs of having emotional issues, but she "doesn't deserve to be treated like a dog. She's not a tiger."

According to a police report, the officer was called to the home by the mother and witnessed the child kicking and screaming.

The officer's statement said the girl's mother, Kelly Hamlert, told him to use a Taser on her if he needed to.

The officer did shock the girl after she kicked him in the groin.


Look what they taught me at school
"He had no other choice. He had to get the child under control," said Ozark police Chief Jim Noggle.

Noggle said the officer shocked the girl for about a second.

Ozark police said it is their policy to use a Taser on someone who is a threat to others, no matter their age.

Noggle said simply restraining the child could be harmful.

"Well, if he tried to restrain her, he might hurt her by restraining her. If you grab somebody, you can slip an arm out of joint. They can slip from you and fall on the ground," Noggle said.

"I don't know what kind of policy it is. I don't think it's right," Medlock said.

Medlock said this is not the first time the girl's mother has called police to take her daughter to a juvenile facility. He said he will now try to get custody of his daughter.

"She just wants somebody to love her, and I do," he said.

40/29 News checked with several other police agencies about their taser policies. The Fort Smith Police Department said it will only uses a Taser on a person 14 years old or older if they are a threat to someone.

Fort Smith Police said it's usually the discretion of each police department to make their own policies on using a Taser.

Noggle said no action is being taken against the Ozark officer who used the Taser on the girl, and he said her case will go before the juvenile court system.


Now we're both riding the Pain Train

---

OK, so this happened not far from Memphis just the other day. What do you think?

Is he a bad cop for Tazing her? What was he supposed to do once his balls were busted and he could hardly stand up or defend himself anymore? What would you have done if you were the cop?

Are her parents shitheads for raising a daughter that behaves like a wild animal and then calling the cops on her?

Are her parents shitheads for teaching her to use sexual violence at such a young age? How old should a child be before they're taught to use sexual violence? How young is too young to be taught that kind of viciousness?

What if she had kicked him in the throat or gouged his eyes instead, both being techniques often taught alongside groin assault? Would that change your opinion?

Should she be congratulated for being a strong, independent girl and fighting back in the exact way almost all American girls are taught these days?

Is she just a punk bitch diva in need of a serious beating to adjust her attitude? Should he have Tazed her longer or more times to teach her a lesson?

Do you think the cop used amazing restraint considering he had a gun and could have just gone off on her and shot her after what she did to him? Or is he just a psycho who should be fired for Tazing a 10-year-old girl?

I'm not going to offer an opinion on this story. I just want your opinion.

Misandric Monday - Hatred Without Limits

Today I came face-to-face with a horrible reality that I simply cannot comprehend. I had raised an issue over on PukeBook, a short statement commenting on the absurdity of our soldiers being crucified for frightening and generally humiliating "enemy combatants" in a college fraternity-like manner, while our own American police officers are literally sexually torturing American citizens with stun guns and Tasers, sometimes to the point of agonizing death, with total impunity.

Several female commenters responded with amusement, telling me about the latest American movie to depict the torture of a man with a Taser as humorous entertainment. They said it was "hilarious." I responded by simply pointing out that this is not just a joke. It is really happening, and often involves torture of the genitals. They didn't care. One woman said she wants to see men "Tasered in the balls until they blow."

After this, I met a female friend for drinks out at a favorite place of hers. I mentioned someone telling me there is a funny movie featuring men being Tasered by the police. She knew immediately what film I was talking about.

"That's "The Hangover" and it's hilarious. These guys have been arrested and it's take your kid to work day or something. So there's this fat kid and one of the guys had been really mean to him. So the cop is telling them about the Taser and offering to show them how it works. Then he says "You can try it if you want. You can Taser one of these men in the nuts." Then the fat kid says "I want to Taser HIM in the nuts" and points to the guy who was mean to him. Then he shoots him in the nuts with both of the things that stick to you and is hurting him really bad, shocking his nuts, you know. The guy falls down and is lying there hurt really, really bad. It was soooo funny."

As I sat there looking into the eyes of this woman, a woman I have been friends with for 5 years or more, I began to feel sick to my stomach. Hearing her describe a man being so horrifically tortured, and for so little reason, and to say that it was "hilarious" bothered me more than I can explain. Realizing that the women on PukeBook had been talking about this same scene, but never mentioned that the reason they liked it so much was because a man was tortured in his testicles, upset me even more. All the women thought it was funny. More than just funny, they thought it was "hilarious."

Apparently my face revealed how I felt about what she had just described to me, because she stopped smiling and said "I guess it was kind of mean. He was on the floor hurt really bad." I excused myself and went to the bathroom. I felt as if I was literally going to throw up. It wasn't simply the horrific nature of the described scene that upset me. It wasn't the fact that I have seen endless videos of this being done to real men in the real world. It was the utter glee of the women at seeing a man treated this way. In fact, it was the fact that all the women absolutely loved seeing a man abused so badly that upset me even more than the description of the scene itself. I had seen this same hatred from women at karate tournaments in years past whenever any male combatant fell to the floor screaming and holding his crushed testicles. The women in the stands would go berserk, screaming and cheering with an animal blood-lust in their eyes, openly expressing an inexplicable hatred of a man or boy they didn't know and clearly didn't see as a fellow human being.


Earlier this morning, while researching a future blog post, I ran across a long, detailed article about the Mary Winkler murder trial. On page 17 is an interview with the jury foreman. He said the jury was stacked unfairly based on sex from the beginning, with 10 women and only 2 men, and that 9 of the 10 women did not care about the facts of the case at all, or about any pretense of justice. They cared only that the murderous woman claimed he treated her badly sometimes, and evidence or no evidence, that was good enough for them. They were going to just let her go, free and clear, with a total acquittal. To hell with the man she shot in the back with a shotgun at close range, blowing a huge hole in his spine and several vital organs, before leaving him there on the floor choking in his own blood for 20 minutes before he finally died. To hell with the daughter who witnessed the cold-blooded murder of her father and testified that he did not abuse her mother and that she feared and despised her mother and did not wish to ever see her again. To hell with law and justice. To hell with equal protection under the law. To hell with any laws at all. Men are not human beings and do not deserve to live.


In men's movies, at least in years past, it was the villains of the film who would kidnap the hero's girlfriend or sister, rape her, and then let her go. He never tortured her or ripped her vagina apart. He never stabbed her ovaries with barbed spears before frying them with high voltage. The most evil of guy-movie villains would simply force himself upon her, making her have sex with him. Then he'd let her go home to tell her boyfriend or brother, so that he'd be upset and fight with the villain.

And it was certainly never the hero who did this to a woman.

The reason this scenario was used so frequently in guy-movies was because it always elicited the same response for the mostly-male audience. Men and boys were enraged at the idea of a woman being sexually abused or tortured. In fact, men are so enraged by it that to my knowledge no film has ever shown a woman being sexually abused or tortured to elicit a response of laughter from any of the males in the audience. It has always been a given that male audiences will not laugh at such a horrible thing. The male reaction to abuse of females has always been the same - rage.

And apparently, the female reaction to the most horrific of sexual tortures or even mutilations of males elicits the same response in almost all females - laughter, celebration, orgasmic jubilation.

The horror associated with the reality that American police officers, and increasingly American citizens, are shooting men in the testicles with sharpened bullets that spear the scrotum before frying the testicles with 50,000 volts for however long the torturer feels like holding the trigger down, is bad enough. But the horror associated with the reality that women are so consumed with seemingly limitless hatred of all males, no matter how young or old, complete stranger or their own husband, brother, father, or son, is heartbreaking to me.


Why? Why are women so filled with hatred of males that absolutely nothing is too cruel or evil when done to males, in the opinions of females, including castration and murder? And why is this pathological hatred considered acceptable by anyone? What is so wrong between men and women that men are willing to simply accept a hatred by women that would be violently condemned and even criminalized in anyone else? Has it always been this way or is this a relatively recent phenomenon?

But most importantly, just WHY????

Grinning Monkey Monday

This message brought to you by the U.S. Department of Justice
and Taser International

Taser International has killed more men over the weekend. They are throwing a big old party to celebrate their status as the only company in America more deadly than either Smith & Wesson or Mattel, and yet less accountable than Hillary Clinton. Thanks to Taser International, cops are being instructed to torture American males in ways that guards from Abu Ghraib aren't even allowed to do, and we're all getting to watch it on YouTube before 'someone' quickly yanks it down, only to have a new one pop up by the next day.

Meanwhile, Taser International's lawyers maintain the official position that their high voltage sexual torture device is nothing more than a big electric fluffy pillow, safe for sorority girls to use while wearing lingerie and making porn videos.

So anyway, same ole same ole. Nothing will be done about any of this, except when Taser's engineers can come up with yet another way to package it and increase it's deadliness, at which point a new marketing campaign will commence, almost certainly to be colored pink and aimed exclusively at women.

"Not happy with your boyfriend's Christmas present to you? You can fry his genitals from 100 feet away and videotape it at the same time with the new Pink GrrlPower Electric Rifle from Taser International! Small enough to fit in your purse, yet big enough to torture a full grown man's genitals for a whopping 30 seconds - long enough to stop his heart and drown him in his own vomit for YOUR ENTERTAINMENT!"

So enough about that. Men are dying. Same as every other day. The difference with Taser is simply that the men are dying screaming while people stand around videoing the whole thing. It's sort of like the Roman arenas, only we're all watching it from our homes instead of gathered together in large crowds where other people can see us and possibly make us feel bad.



Holy Flying Shingles, Batman!
The damned weather has blown half the roof off of my workshop at my brand new house. And by brand new, I mean brand new to me. The damned shop is 2 stories tall and I only have a 6 foot step ladder. This means borrowing a coworker's 32 foot ladder, which I have done, and then using it to climb up and see how many of the shingles are still up there, but not nailed down anymore.

I found all but one of the errant shingles, and mostly nailed them back down. Some nails were missing, you see, and there is NO HARDWARE STORE OF ANY KIND in The Boondocks. Yes, I discovered this when I needed roofing nails and a shingle to finish the job. The nearest Home Depot or Lowes is about 30 miles away.

So, while I was in Lowes, I decided to price this ladder I've borrowed so that I can buy one of my very own for the next time this happens.

It's $300 - DAY-UM!

By the time I got home, it was dark outside. So, I have the supplies, but the job isn't finished.



New Memphismobile
On Sunday, I had to drive all the way to Middle Tennessee to see My Middle Sister. I bought her big-assed truck and drove it back to my home in The Boondocks, just outside of Memphrica. Now I have a new Memphismobile, complete with big shiny brush guard, fog lights, four-wheel-drive, and the distinct odor of dog inside.

My Wife's reaction? "How soon are you getting rid of the Bananawagon?"

As if to answer her question, I hit 'PLAY' on the answering machine and found a message from a guy who wants to buy the Bananawagon. The timing was amazing.



New Zealand is the Place You Oughta Be
While I was visiting my Middle Sister, I casually mentioned something to her husband about my desire to move to Australia. Interestingly, he responded that he had been contemplating the same thing, and had on occasion discussed it with other men at work. One of his former coworkers had done extensive research on the subject, and concluded that New Zealand was perhaps an even better destination than Australia. And so, he sold everything he had, packed up, and moved there.

So there you have it - members of my own family are telling me to move to New Zealand and become a big old All Blacks fan. I used to know a beautiful Australian girl who lived in Kansas City, worked for the Kansas City Chiefs, and quit her job there to move to New Zealand and work for the All Blacks. I wonder if she likes it there? I've completely lost touch with her (she's dumped me like a bad habit).


Kentucky Fried Sicken
On the trip out to see My Sister, we stopped at a Kentucky Fried Chicken, somewhere just past Kingdom Come. It was an interesting place, to say the least. First, when I went into the men's bathroom to pee, I practically skated in on their slick floor. It was so slick, while I was standing in front of the toilet peeing, I slid from the toilet over towards the sink. This happened several times, as I stoped mid-stream and shuffled myself back to the toilet. I finally decided that if the workers at KFC didn't care about their health rating enough to even clean their floors, then I didn't care either. The next time I skated, I'm ashamed to say, I didn't stop peeing. So, I strung a stream of piss from the toilet to the sink, as I had grown tired of the interruption. The floor was so nasty that you couldn't even tell my pee was there. Seriously.

And yet, we ordered food and ate there anyway.

And I got sick.

Who didn't see this coming? I mean, besides me, obviously.

So, by the time we arrived at My Sister's place (50 acres of horses, and some cows for tax purposes), I had an immediate need to use her toilet. And this time I needed to sit down, which I did, before filling that place with a stink that could peel the paint off a John Deere tractor and melt the tires, too. I think I was in that bathroom releasing Kentucky Fried Toxins for a solid 30 minutes. I shit you not.

While I was at My Sister's house, My Mom called me on my cell phone.

Mom: Steven? (Mom always calls me by my fictitious blogger name)
Me: Yeah, hi Mom. Wuzzup? (I like to talk ghetto to her. She always wanted me to be a rapper.)
Mom: Is there something wrong with your phone? I called your home number and nothing happened. Is this your cell phone or was that the other number? Do I not dial a '1' before dialing your cell phone? I tried it without the '1', but I got a recording telling me to please dial a '1'.
Me: This is my cell phone. I don't know what's wrong that you didn't reach my answering machine at home. You have to dial a '1' if you want to call me unless you plan to move to Memphis (and I hope to God not!)
Mom: Oh OK. (long pause) Steven ...
Me: Um, yeah, it's still me.
Mom: Are you coming for Thanksgiving, because I don't know.
Me: Yes, I was planning on it. Is that OK or is Evil Sister demanding that no one be allowed to see you for yet another holiday like she did last Christmas (I believe this is a long post I left in draft and never let anyone read, but I'm not sure)?
Mom: No, she's going to North Carolina to see her in-laws for Thanksgiving. She won't be here, so it's all clear. Everyone is coming over. Are you coming?
Me: Yes, but My Wife isn't coming with me. It'll just be me.
Mom: Oh, well how are you going to buy Middle Sister's truck and get it home then? Are you leaving the Bananawagon with them?

At this point I was in trouble. I was actually at Middle Sister's house, about an hour north of Mom's house, but she wasn't supposed to know I was in town because I didn't have time to stop in and see anyone. For her to mention it meant that she knew I was there somehow.

Me: Um ... I'm taking care of that now (no point lying if she already knew where I am.)
Mom: Oh. So you'll be here on Wednesday night or Thursday morning?
Me: I don't actually know yet. Everything is kinda chaotic right now. I'll try to let you know. And you said Evil Sister has fled the house? She's not going to be around when I arrive?
Mom: No, she's already gone. She won't be back until Friday night. She wanted to know if you were going to be here.
Me: Oh, I'll just bet she did. Well, in that case, I think I will. (insert evil laughter here.)
Mom: Oh good.

With that, we said 'goodbye' and the world's very first conversation involving both My Mom and a cell phone was over.

Getting back to Middle Sister and her Husband, they had a cat that was mighty happy to see us, especially the lap part of us. He was part Main Coone, like my cat who died earlier this year. And just like my cat used to do before I 'cured him', this cat would dig his claws into my blue jeans and tug. Since he wasn't my cat, I decided not to whack his ass for doing that, but I did toss him into the floor. Unphased, he walked over to My Wife and jumped on her lap. I later saw her toss him into the floor after a similar pant-raking. Apparently she didn't appreciate it either.


I'd love to be able to tell you about my wild weekend partying with hot chicks on a boat, or farting in the gym while squatting next to some female bodybuilder, or going to Hooters with my hot, blonde best friend, or really just anything involving hotness, but unfortunately this was pretty much the extent of my weekend. And this is about as exciting as it gets most weeks.

Later this week is Thanksgiving for those of us here in the United States of Taserica, so I will be gone, only to return later and talk shit about my family. No, I probably won't talk shit about my family. But maybe. Who knows? We'll see.

What did you do this past weekend? Something more exciting than this, I hope.