NY Elementary School is Renamed for Obama

In New York, the city where almost every single racist epithet ever spoken was originated, they have renamed an elementary school after not-yet-President Barack Obama. I am right in saying he's not yet President yet, right? Have I only imagined that he doesn't become the actual President, and thus hasn't actually done anything yet, until next year? New York City is also the city where all-male schools were declared discriminatory and unconstitutional, but all-female 'leadership' schools were quickly established and declared 'progressive' even as the Citadel and VMI were being set on fire by 'activists'.

Some say terrorists. The New York Times says activists.

Obese Canadians Have 'Right' to Two Airline Seats

The ever wacky and zany Canadian Supreme Court has ruled that big fat Canadians have a 'right' to two seats on an airline. Note: that's not simply a legal requirement that airlines can't charge for two seats. It's a 'right', with all that goes with that. So it's like free speech, freedom of religion, the right to bare arms, the right to self-defense, and now the right to be a lard-ass and hog more than your fair share.

Anyone else think perhaps Canada takes the whole concept of 'rights' a bit lightly?

In Canada's defense, have any of you ever flown on a plane where the seats were only slightly wider than a teenaged girl's ass and there was absolutely no possible way a grown man could keep from bashing his shoulders against the people sitting on either side of him? I know I have. I felt like I was being stuffed into a racing seat for a Formula 1 run again crazy Danica Patrick, lightweight boxing champion of professional racing.

Obama's Job Application Includes Questions on Gun Ownership

President-elect Barack Obama has already made waves by adding a question for all job applicants in his administration not only demanding to know anything and everything about any and every gun legally owned by the applicant or anyone associated with the applicant, but also implying that we have a Nazi-inspired national gun registry, which we do not for Constitutional reasons.

Something tells me the NRA is about to experience a huge membership surge.

Evidently, Gays Do Blame Blacks for Failure of Prop. 8

Someone somewhere around here, it may even have been me, commented that radical gay activists weren't brave enough to attack the black people who voted against gay marriage by 80 percent and were thus only attacking white Christian heterosexuals because they are such easy targets. It turns out that not only was this not true, it was so extremely wrong that gay activists have even been attacking other gay activists who are guilty of nothing more than opposing Proposition 8 while being black. Seriously, if ever there was a way to shoot yourself in the foot, this is it.

[Seemingly unnecessary explanation: It's the irony. The irony of the situation is amazing, regardless of where you stand on the issue.]

Clinton Is Said to Accept Secretary of State Position

Obama has for unfathomable reasons chosen Hillary Clinton as his Secretary of State. Former Clinton advisers (Bill Morris) have indicated that this will be a huge mistake on Obama's part because Hillary is a one-woman show and will undermine him at every opportunity for her own benefit. I'm sure this is probably true, but I think there's a much bigger issue here. The bigger issue is that last time the Clintons were in the White House a man named Vincent Foster died in there from a mysterious gunshot to the head and nothing was ever solved. This time, if 2 men die from mysterious gunshots to the head, namely Obama and Joe Biden, Secretary of State Hillary becomes President.

Oh fuuuuuuck!
I'll bet the Secret Service are absolutely shitting over the thought of not only having to deal with her hair trigger temper, flying lamps and flying fists again, but also being tasked with trying to protect the President and Vice President from being killed by her.

Man with Gun Under Pillow Forfeits Licence in Germany

"I caught him running with scissors so I beat him with my nightstick"
In Berlin, a man lost his license to own a gun because he slept with it under his pillow and the all-knowing courts have decided that he shouldn't do that. Also, they fined him for not brushing his teeth and washing behind his ears, and not going to bed by 9. They've threatened to take away his television privileges next if he doesn't straighten up. Ah, socialism!

Upset Over Pet, Man Stabs Bureaucrat, Wife in Japan

My pooky died - you bastards!
In Japan, where men enjoy wearing dresses and having sex with rubber dolls designed to look like their favorite anime characters, a man went on a stabbing rampage and killed the minister of health and welfare, as well as the minister's wife. The stabber said he did it because his pet died in a public welfare center. In a search of the stabber's car, police reported finding a large collection of "assault knives." Japan does not allow private ownership of firearms, but has been experiencing a steady increase in stabbing rampages over the past few years. Offers to send Ted Kennedy and Sarah Brady to Japan to help with their crisis have not met with much enthusiasm.

Bra for Men an Online Bestseller in Japan

Me ruv you rong time!
As if to make jokes about Japan almost compulsory, a retailer there has been selling bras and panties for men, and reports that sales are quite good. Apparently cross-dressing is very popular in Japan, as are sexy female cartoon characters who kick male cartoon characters in the groin a lot. Psychologists think the two may be related.

Australia Outback Mayor Wins Annual Sexiest Award

Mayor Malony
And finally, in Australia, where men are men and women are hawt, the mayor of a small mining town has won the annual "Sexiest Award" from an odd female-only subgroup of the Australian parliament in Sydney. The no-men-allowed subgroup of parliament said that they love a man with the balls to stand up and say what men want and not be ashamed. Mayor Malony had placed an ad for lovelorn female "ugly ducklings", inviting them to move to his town where they'd find "five blokes to every girl." The all-female parliamentary organization has been frequently accused of being a misandric sexist hate-group, and apparently decided to prove their womanhood by reaching out to Mayor Malony with this award.