Deep Thoughts and Stupid Shit

Love
Tyler Perry/Madea said it best....

"If somebody wanna walk out of your life, let them go. Especially if you know you done did everything you could do. You done sat around been the best man or best woman you could be and they still wanna go, LET THEM GO. Whatever they running after they'll see what they had in a minute, but by then it's gonna be too late. Cause half these people be sitting around crying about it, worrying about it 2, 3 years from now you ain't gonna remember their name. How many times you done seen folks somewhere you be like, 'What the hell was I THINKING?!?!?! What was wrong with ME!?!?!? I musta been lonely as hell to hook up with you!!!!!' LET FOLKS GO!!! Some people come in your life for a lifetime, some come for a season, you got to know which is which. You gonna always mess up when you mix them seasonal people with lifetime expectations. People have to learn how to be by themselves some. People have to learn how to be alone. I don't understand all these people, 'Oh I need somebody.' 'Lord where is my man/woman?' That is crazy! If you don't know how to be by yourself, what you gonna do with somebody else? Stop praying about it! Shut up and WAIT! Go work on you. That's what that time is for, to get yourself together. I'd rather be in a corner with a puppy and a goldfish, and be happy. Than to be sit around my house with somebody wondering that the hell they there for. You would be surprised what people will put up with to have somebody there just to tell them that they love them. I don't understand it. I can't live in dysfunction. I done come through too much, gone through too much hell and high water to come there and let you come up in my adult life when I'm suppose to be at peace and give me all kinda hell. Only two places on this earth you gonna have peace, the grave and your house."



Pathetic
How pathetic have I become? Today I was excited to see the UPS man arrive because I knew he had my replacement wheel for my Snapper riding mower. My grass is in serious need of a cutting and I can't find a replacement wheel and tire anywhere in Memphis. I had to resort to fighting a desperate Ebay battle for these damn wheels and tires. And you know what? Some motherfucker actually outbid me the first time. Who the hell else in this world needs a new Snapper front wheel besides me? Anyway, I didn't have time for that shit, so the next time I just used the "Buy it now" option that one guy offered and grabbed my damn wheel. Even then it took 5 days to get here. The UPS guy asked me what the wheels were for. I told him it was for my Snapper riding mower. He said "my dad left me one of those when he died. I used it about 3 times and then chunked it." Yeah, even the UPS guy has more class than to ride a Snapper. But not me.

When did I become the guy whose most exciting event in life is the arrival of new wheels for his lawn mower? How did this happen? Should I start wearing khaki pants and a light blue shirt with a sweatervest or some shit like that? Maybe I should get me a pair of glasses to complete my fall into this abyss. I should trade in my musclecar and buy me a Volvo.



Politics
All the mainstream news outlets in the United States are in a hissy, battling amongst themselves over the ongoing Democommunist Party clash between female-supremacist radical, Hillary Clinton, and black-supremacist radical-come-lately, Barack Obama. Meanwhile, in the Reallyoutoftouchwithvoters Party, namby-pamby fence-rider, John McCain, has locked up the nomination and is enjoying a soon-to-violently-end period of peace and quiet while the press and Commucrats completely ignore him, much like the rest of America. The upcoming November Presidential election promises to be one of the least satisfying of all time, with roughly 65 percent of Americans saying they're only going to bother voting because the 'other' candidate is absolutely horrible, and they wish their party had offered up a leader instead of a cartoon.

Republican voters say they see little if any difference between Democrats Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. 35 percent of Republicans said they think Hillary probably has a bigger dick than Obama, but she's also slightly crazier than he is, more of a 'hater', and will sell our entire military with all its' secrets to China or Russia the first chance she gets.

Democratic voters said they don't know how John McCain even got into the Republican Party in the first place because he seems so much like one of them. A majority of Republicans agreed with them, in what may be the largest mutual agreement between Democrats and Republicans since the United States declared war on Germany and Japan in 1941.



Danica Patrick
The news media has been harassing racecar driver Danica Patrick for crying after winning a major race. I went to research this story so I could comment on why men like her and the media does not, but I stumbled across bikini photos of her from Sports Illustrated and got distracted.



Dooce
When blogger Heather Armstrong, aka Dooce, got fired over her blog, the term "Dooced" came to mean losing your job for blogging. But according to the Wall Street Journal, Mrs Armstrong is estimated to be making roughly $40,000 per month in ad revenue from her blog. With this in mind, it seems that to be "Dooced" is no longer a bad thing. I could use a little Dooce in my life. I suppose to be "Memphised" must mean to make absolutely nothing for your blog even though it is sucking your life away.



It's Good for You!

Australia researchers claim to have done research on male masturbation (they got paid for this shit!) and concluded that it is actually good for you! Seriously. I'm not making this up. Read it for yourself, Smartypants!

"Frequent masturbation may help men cut their risk of contracting prostate cancer, Australian researchers have found. It is believed that carcinogens may build up in the prostate if men do not ejaculate regularly, BBC News reported on Wednesday. The researchers surveyed more than 1,000 men who had developed prostate cancer, and 1,250 men who had not. They found that men who had ejaculated the most between the ages of 20 and 50 were the least likely to get cancer. Men who ejaculated more than five times each week were a third less likely to develop prostate cancer."