Mr. Hudson: "Supernova" ft. KanYe

Rihanna is All Legs and Heart

After Chris Brown got a "screw-you-every-battered-girl" sentence for beating the hell out of Rihanna, we hadn't seen much of the female pop-star.




I imagine she was hiding out, fearing if she left, every dude would run up and start whacking her while setting the American flag on fire - see Chris Brown, this is what you started. Luckily, she got over these fears to grace us with her legs. I didn't know a grey-hoodie was an outfit, but I didn't know lots of things that turned out to be true - like pop-rocks and soda won't make a hamster explode, but a microwave sure will. Man, this was an informative day.


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Happy Birthday Mike Tyson

Happy 43rd Birthday Mike Tyson

Note - I will leaving today for a conference in Cincinnati...if the weather holds up I'll be going to the Cincinnati Reds-Arizona Diamondback game tonight...Stiles Points will be back on Friday, July 3rd - hopefully with some photos...

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2 Tricks

Skating around @ the "Make Her Say" video shoot...

Jackson's family moves quickly to take charge

Yahoo! News: Michael Jackson's family moved quickly Monday to take control of his complicated personal and financial affairs, winning temporary custody of his three children and asking a judge to name the King of Pop's mother as administrator of his estate.

In documents filed in Superior Court, Jackson's parents said they believe their 50-year-old son died without a valid will.

They also made it clear they believe they should take charge of both his debt-ridden but potentially lucrative financial empire and act as permanent caretakers of his three children.

Judge Mitchell Beckloff granted 79-year-old Katherine Jackson temporary guardianship of the children, who range in age from 7 to 12. He did not immediately rule on her requests to take charge of the children's and Jackson's estates.

Beckloff scheduled a hearing for July 6 and another for Aug. 3 to consider those issues and whether Katherine Jackson should be appointed the children's permanent guardian.

The judge later on Monday also granted Katherine Jackson the right to take control of her son's personal property that is now in the hands of an unnamed third party. The ruling does not detail the nature of those items and does not provide control of any money in the estate.

L. Londell McMillan, the family's attorney, said in a statement that the Jacksons are pleased with the results of their Monday filings.

"Mrs. Jackson deserves custody, and the family should have the administration of the brilliance of Mr. Michael Jackson. Mrs. Jackson is a wonderful, loving and strong woman with a special family many of us have admired for years. The personal and legal priorities are focused on first protecting the best interests of Mr. Michael Jackson's children, his family, his memorial services and then preserving his creative and business legacy with the dignity and honor it deserves."

When Jackson died Thursday, he left behind a 12-year-old son and 11-year-old daughter by his ex-wife Deborah Rowe, as well as a 7-year-old son born to a surrogate mother.

The Jackson family said the children — Michael Joseph Jackson Jr. (known as Prince Michael), Paris Michael Katherine Jackson and Prince Michael II — are living at the Jackson family compound in Los Angeles' San Fernando Valley.

"They have a long established relationship with paternal grandmother and are comfortable in her care," the family said in court documents.

Family patriarch Joe Jackson, 79, said at a news conference that the children were enjoying playing with other kids — something they do not normally do.

The documents state that although Rowe is the mother of the two older children, her whereabouts are unknown. The document simply listed "none" for the mother of the youngest child, Prince Michael II.

Supporting Katherine Jackson in her petition bid to administer the estate was Jackson's father, Joe Jackson.

The Jacksons say they have not heard from Rowe since their son's death. Rowe's attorney, Marta Almli, did not respond to an e-mail message seeking comment Monday. She previously said, "Ms. Rowe's only thoughts at this time have been regarding the devastating loss Michael's family has suffered."

Mark Lester, a former British child star who is godfather to Jackson's children, told The Associated Press he believes they belong with Jackson's mother.

"She is a very loving, kind and gracious woman, and she had a very close relationship with Michael and a very good rapport with her grandchildren," Lester said. "I know the kids are fine. They are deeply saddened by what's happened, but they're coping."

Meanwhile, authorities continued to investigate Jackson's death. Officials with the Los Angeles County coroner's office returned to the mansion he was renting at the time of his death and left with two large plastic bags of evidence.

Assistant Chief Coroner Ed Winter said the bags contained medication. He declined to elaborate.

Lawyers for Jackson's cardiologist Dr. Conrad Murray said the physician never prescribed the powerful drugs Demerol or Oxycontin for Jackson and did all he could to revive him when he found the entertainer near death.

Attorney Matt Alford told the AP it took as long as 30 minutes for paramedics to be called after Murray found Jackson with a faint pulse and performed CPR.

The delay was partly because Jackson's room in the rented mansion didn't have a telephone and Murray didn't know Jackson's street address to give to emergency crews, Alford said.

Eventually, Murray found a chef in the house and had him summon a security guard, who called for help while the doctor continued to perform CPR.

Jackson's father told reporters at the family compound that his son's funeral was still in the planning stages.

"It will be some private, but not closed all the way down to the public," he said without elaborating.

He added that his son would not be buried at Neverland Ranch, the sprawling playground he built in the rolling hills of Santa Barbara County then abandoned after going into seclusion following his acquittal on child molestation charges in 2005.

Jackson's father also used the news conference to plug a record company he said he's founding with a business partner.

"We have a lot of good artists pitching to come out," he said.

His son, who had not released a new recording or performed publicly in years, was believed to be hundreds of millions of dollars in debt at the time of his death. However, his finances are complicated and could take years to unravel.

Clearly one of his most valuable assets is his recording catalog, which his father could potentially rerelease through his new record company if the family gains control of his assets. There could also be recordings in Jackson's estate that he had never released.

The AP learned that Jackson had finished an elaborate video production project just two weeks before he died. The five-week project dubbed "Dome Project" could be the final finished video piece overseen by the star.

There's also a financial bonanza to be had in the Sony/ATV Music Publishing catalog of which Jackson owned 50 percent. The 750,000-song catalog includes music by the Beatles, Bob Dylan, Neil Diamond, Lady Gaga and the Jonas Brothers, and is estimated to be worth as much as $2 billion.

"Quite frankly, he may be worth more dead than alive," Jerry Reisman, general counsel for the Hit Factory, a recording studio where Jackson produced his best-selling album "Thriller," said recently.

Jackson nearly lost his beloved Neverland, which was once filled with amusement park rides and wild animals, to foreclosure in March. Billionaire real estate investor Thomas Barrack bailed him out at the 11th hour, setting up a joint venture with Jackson that took ownership of the 2,500-acre property.

The ranch's future is uncertain, but three of Jackson's brothers visited the estate with Barrack over the weekend. A spokesman for the holding company that now operates it said it was premature to talk about the ranch's future.

I Can't Wait...

To kick off the new year in 2010, Air Jordan will release one of its most sought after models of all time, the Air Jordan VI Infrared. The weapon of choice as Jordan and the Bulls captured MJ’s first of many championship titiles, the shoe’s only previous retro was in 2000. With the January, 2010 release date comes a suggested retail price of $150 USD.

Source

YOUTH MISSES MEGAN AGAIN

KODAK'S attempt to arrange a meeting between Megan Fox and an 11-year-old admirer came out blank. In a p.r. stunt, the company offered $5,000 to anyone who could identify the youngster, who'd been photographed trying to give the "Transformers 2" siren a yellow rose at the London premiere. After Gawker identified the child as Harvey Kindlon, Kodak flew him to New York, hoping to get him an audience with Fox on the "Today" show, which had booked her for a segment yesterday.



But Fox was bumped after Michael Jackson's death, and she's since returned to LA. A source tells Page Six, "Kodak basically put this kid on a plane on the off-chance that he'd get to meet her. They never even confirmed with 'Today.' Now they're offering him around for interviews. It's exploitative and creepy." A rep for "Today" says, "Harvey was never scheduled to appear and we don't plan to have him on." Kodak didn't get back to us.


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Survey stolen from a girl named Courtney who dropped me on Facebook

1.) When you walk in your front door, which room do you enter?
The front room, where we keep the front door, of course

2.)Do you have a dishwasher?
Yes, me. And sometimes they get extra help from a machine under the kitchen counter that sprays them with hot water and soap after I'm done.

3.) Is your living room carpeted or does it have hardwood floors?
There's this shiny plastic shit that looks a whole lot like wood, except that it's way shiny and it echoes like hell and also it doesn't sound like wood when you walk on it. Anyway, that's what we have. It doesn't scratch easily and it's easy to clean, so we're happy with it.

4.) Do you keep your kitchen knives on the counter or in a drawer?
The knives in the drawer aren't balanced well for throwing, which is why they're in the drawer. I keep the throwable ones on the counter just in case you piss me off.

5.) House, apartment, duplex or trailer?
I'll take 'House' for $1000, Alex

6.) How many bedrooms is it?
How many bedrooms is what? Maybe a better question would be, how many assistants does Dr. House have now, and do you think the hot girl, Thirteen, will stay on the show permanently?

7.) Gas stove or electric?
I believe the Jews were killed with gas, but I've forgotten most of my Nazi history. American cops use hand-held electric, aka The Taser.

8.) Do you have a yard?
Big, big yard with lots of stupid plants the previous owners planted and I intend to yank up and burn when My Wife isn't looking. Actually, we've already yanked and burned a lot of them. Somewhere along the way we accidentally planted some pumpkin seeds and now we have a full-on pumpkin vine with pumpkins growing in the back corner of our yard and we're not quite sure what the hell to do with it.

9.) What size TV is in the living room?
32 inch maybe? 34? Something like that. It was the biggest set that would fit in the entertainment center. Yes, I know. You're all so very disappointed that I don't have a 50 inch plasma. Well, I have an 11 inch ... nevermind.

10.) Are your plates in the same cupboard as your cups?
No, they don't get along so we had to separate them.

11.) Is there a coffee maker sitting on your kitchen counter?
No, there is a coffee making sitting on the counter at work, so I don't need one at home. Who needs coffee at home? I'm wide awake when I'm at home. It's when I get to work and am forced to attend meetings that my brain requires drugs like caffeine in order to feign interest.

13.) What room is your computer in?
I have a computer in every room. I live in a space ship.

14.) Are there pictures hanging in your living room?
Yes, a giant Farrah Fawcett poster is hanging on the north wall to remind me of what hot women in the '70s looked like. I have another room with a hot woman from the '80s and upstairs in the bonus room is a poster of a hot woman from the '90s. In the bedroom is a calendar with a big picture of Marisa Miller, a hot woman from the 21st century.

15.) Are there any themes found in your home?
Yes, we went with the Flying Windows theme which came with the box.

16.) What kind of laundry detergent do you use?
The kind you put in the washer to clean dirt out of your clothes.

17.) Do you use dryer sheets?
Only if I am drying the cat. They hate that static cling.

18.) Do you have any curtains in your home?
No, we are nudists. We waltz around with our kibbles and bits hanging out and the windows wide open. All the neighbors are super excited.

19.) What color is your fridge?
White like Pat Boone.

20.) Is your house clean?
Chaos, I tell you, total chaos.

21.) What room is the most neglected?
The 4th bedroom. It's always complaining that we don't love it.

22.) Are the dishes in your sink/dishwasher clean or dirty?
Well hell, if the dishes are in the sink, they are dirty. If the dishwasher is full, they are clean by now. If not, they are dirty until we get a full load.

23.) How long have you lived in your home?
2 years, with time off for good behavior.

24.) Where did you live before?
Redneckville, TN, east of Snootyville which is east of Memphis proper. All are in Shelby County, the kingdom of King Willie the Wimp and his band of cronies.

25.) Do you have one of those fluffy toilet lid covers on your toilet?
No, those things were made by feminists to cause the lid to slam on boys' pee pees. And that is exactly what they do.

26.) Do you have a scale anywhere in your house?
Yes, but it doesn't appear to be working since we moved there. Thanks 2 Men and a Truck, for breaking so much of our shit.

27.) How many mirrors are in your house?
I can only think of 3, one in each bathroom. If we are ever attacked by vampires we'll run to the bathroom because everyone knows vampires are scared of mirrors. And farts. They hate smelly farts.

28.) Look up. What do you see?
Ceiling. What did you expect me to see, Marilyn Monroe's cooter?

29.) Do you have a garage?
Yes, 3 car garage, currently with 3 cars in it, as it should be, plus lots of storage space. It is going to be one hell of a hard time finding another house like this one, dammit.


And now for something sooo wrong ...

Jay-Z "D.O.A."

The Black Arthur Fonzarelli...

Forbes Field in Pittsburgh - 100th anniversary

It's been gone for quite a while, but the City of Pittsburgh is still celebrating its greatest sports facility - Forbes Field and its 100th anniversary...June 30, 1909 the Pirates played the first game at Forbes Field...Robert Dvorchak of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette writes a well researched history of the famed ballpark... Robert Dvorchak - Forbes Field

Here are a few interesting facts about Forbes Field:
- It featured lavatories specifically designated for women
- There were public telephones
- An underground parking garage
- Ramps instead of steps

Here is a real throwback, the ballpark was named after a British general, not some internet site or corporate sponsor... "The place was named after John Forbes, the British general whose forces built a road through the Pennsylvania wilderness to evict the French from Fort Duquesne in 1758. In his after-action report, the general called it "Pittsbourgh," and the name stuck even if the spelling didn't."

- Tenants: Pittsburgh Pirates (NL 1909-70); Pittsburgh Pirates/Steelers (NFL 1933-63); University of Pittsburgh (football 1909-24); Homestead Grays (Negro National League 1939-48); also Duquesne, Carnegie Tech and Pitt freshman football.

- Groundbreaking: March 1, 1909
- First National League game: June 30, 1909 (Cubs 3, Pirates 2)
- First NFL game: September 20, 1933 (NY Giants 23, Pirates 2)
- Last NFL game: December 1, 1963 (Eagles 20, Steelers 20)
- Last National League game: June 28, 1970 (Pirates 4, Cubs 1)
- Demolished: July 28, 1971
- Baseball capacity: 25,000 (1909); 41,000 (1925); 33,537 (1939); 34,249 (1953); 35,000 (1960)
- Surface: Natural grass

- Architect: Osborn Engineering
- Builder: Nicole Construction Company
- Owners: Pittsburgh Pirates (1909-57); University of Pittsburgh (1958-71)
- Cost: $2 million (1909)

Dimensions:
- LF foul line: 360 ft (1909), 365 ft (1930), 335 ft (1947 Greenberg Garden/Kiner's Korner), 365 ft (1954)
- LF alley: 406 ft (1926)
- Deep left-centerfield corner: 462 ft (1909), 457 ft (1930)
- Center field: 442 ft (1926), 435 ft (1930); 436 ft (1946)
- Right-center at corner: 408 ft (1926)
- Short right-center: 375 ft (1925)
- RF foul line: 376 ft (1909), 300 ft (1925)
- Home plate to backstop: 110 ft (1909), 84 ft (1938), 75 ft (1959)

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Jackson's final hours puzzle doctor, family

Both Michael Jackson's family and his personal physician were at pains to explain on Sunday what caused the troubled pop star's sudden death weeks before his long-awaited comeback.

Dr. Conrad Murray, who was at Jackson's side when he died, told police he did not inject the singer with painkillers before his fatal cardiac arrest on Thursday, his lawyer said on Sunday after reports he received a shot of narcotic Demerol.

When asked at Sunday's BET Awards about the care his son received from doctors in his last moments, Jackson's father, Joe, said, "I have a lot of concerns. ... I can't get into that, but I don't like what happened."

He said funeral arrangements for the King of Pop were still being discussed. A family friend said services could take place on Wednesday and the body could be buried at Jackson's famous Neverland Ranch.

Tension over the mysterious death came to the surface at the BET Awards, modified at the last minute as a tribute to Jackson's musical genius. Some stars bristled over coverage of Jackson's downward spiral during the last decade, filled with accusations of child molestation and bizarre behavior.

"He is one of our heroes," said rap artist and music impresario Sean "Diddy" Combs. "As African Americans, we are not going to let everybody beat him up."

Jackson, 50, was weeks away from an anticipated comeback with a series of 50 concerts in London. He rehearsed regularly up to the night before his death.

Concerns about his health had been rampant during his 2005 trial in California on charges of child sex abuse, of which he was acquitted. Last year, he was photographed in Las Vegas in a wheelchair.

'BARELY ATE, DRANK'

Promoter AEG Live said Jackson had passed a four-hour medical exam earlier this year.

Murray -- a cardiologist hired ahead of the concerts and paid by AEG, according to his lawyer -- was surprised to find Jackson unconscious and not breathing in his rented chateau in an upscale Los Angeles neighborhood.

"He barely ate, he barely drank. But (there was) nothing which would lead the doctor to believe that he had any possible problems that would cause sudden death," said Edward Chernoff, the attorney who accompanied Murray during three hours of police questioning on Saturday.

Los Angeles police said after questioning Murray that they do not consider him a suspect. Law enforcement sources told the Los Angeles Times the meeting revealed "no red flag" of criminal activity.

The Jackson family holed up in their L.A. compound making plans for a funeral that could take place on Wednesday, possibly at the Neverland estate in central California, family friend Stacy Brown said.

Brown told Reuters that a family source said Jackson had received an injection of the narcotic painkiller Demerol shortly before paramedics were called to the mansion.

"They have been concerned about his addiction to medicines for years," said Brown, who co-wrote the book "Michael Jackson: The Man Behind the Mask."

"It's been no family secret that they've been trying to get him help for his addiction," Brown said.

The family arranged for a second, private autopsy on Saturday after the Los Angeles coroner said it would need four to six more weeks to determine the exact cause of death.

Jesse Jackson, the civil rights leader who was with the Jackson family last week, echoed Joe Jackson's doubts about what transpired in his son's final hours.

"There is a concern about what happened the last 12 hours of Michael's life," Jackson told People magazine. "The doctor has shown some bizarre behavior."

Jackson is survived by three children aged 12, 11 and 7, the first two from his ex-wife Debbie Rowe and the last from an unidentified surrogate mother.

Addressing speculation of a custody battle over the children, Joe Jackson said in a statement from the BET red carpet that only he and wife Katherine "have authority for our son and his children."

Sandra Bullock is Eliminating the Competition

Sandra Bullock is a dirty whore liar. She makes crazy statements about how being fat is sexy (wrong!), and yet, she's still wicked hot and weighs a grand total of 3 1/2 pounds... wet... while wearing a suit of armor. I'm not sure how she got the battlewear to weigh less, but somehow she did.

"I go, 'Oh my God, I've got to lose weight so I can fit into this.' But I also go, 'I haven't been to the gym in a year. Do I want to go to the gym? No.' At some point I will start running again and I will get there," she said. "There's something sexy about a gut. Not a 400-pound beer gut, but a little paunch. I love that."

I think this is a crazy plan to get rid of all other thin, sexy actresses. First, get them all feeling good about their bodies. Second, stop them from going to the gym.





Third, send them all a year's worth of free Krispy Kreme donuts. Fourth, Sandra Bullock becomes the top grossing female star in the world... it's almost crazy enough to work. Quick, Jessica Alba must be warned!




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An Ode to Billy Mays: A FWTC Tribute

By Tresckow

I sat down in my office with my traditional bowl of Frosted Flakes and fortified wine. What? Shut the hell up! Have you tried it? Besides, it was after noon. 12:03 PM is after noon.

Exactly like this. Except, the milk bottle was replaced by a bottle of Thunderbird.

It is my Sunday morning tradition; wake up, make myself a complete breakfast, and sit down in front of the computer reading the news.

OK. "News."

Somehow, accidentally, the Associated Press page opened a new tab. This was purely accidental, since I believe the AP to be a demonic institution that pushes their own agenda. And that agenda? Making it hard as hell to maneuver their ridiculously structured website. Seriously, you would expect the Associated Press' homepage to have an abundance of news stories. Instead, it's a ton of self serving crap about the AP. For people like me, I need it to be painfully obvious where the headline are. I don't have time to search or find the correct website.

See? Nice and idiot proof.

OK, ignore everything I've said until now. A national... no.. INTERNATIONAL tragedy has happened the morning of June 28, 2009. Once I read it, all I could do was stare blankly into space. You know it. You know exactly what I'm talking about. The one, the only, the MIGHTY Billy Mays has shuffled off this mortal coil. No one really knows how it happened. According to the news, nothing has been verified, except for a tenuous connection between a rough US Air landing and Mr. Mays being hit on the head with falling debris. But, screw the media. Mr. Mays tells us all on his Twitter page.

Strong, until the very end. And damning to US Air.

Our great leader has fallen. And even if the bad landing is proven not to have anything to do with Mr. Mays' untimely death, US Air is pretty much going to be known as the air carrier that took Billy Mays down. You fuckers!

We, at the FWTC, are in mourning. No longer will be know what products will remove the tarnish from a medieval sword. How will we be able to choose a cleaner that will whiten our whites? What are we supposed to do when looking for a grass product that will make us want to roll around on our front lawns in total ecstasy? Our world no longer make sense!


At 4:17, Mr. Mays brings sexy back. Damned if we're not convinced! We have six crates of this stuff in storage.

This is, pretty much, how we see Mr. Mays' funeral procession. But, without it being Lincoln and 1865.

Alright, the week of June 21, 2009 has been a bitch for B list, has been, and just plain batshit insane celebrities. But, as anyone who believes the "they always come in threes" theory can tell you, we've already sacrificed our three. Ed McMahon was old. Farah Fawcett was mercifully released from her struggle with cancer, and Michael Jackson... fuck it, he was a walking tool box of manchild-ness and, all but proven, pedophilia. Thriller is no more. That Michael Jackson died two decades ago. The one that died in LA last week was a pile of crazy that neither mentally or physically resembled our 80s pop star. He needed bucket loads of psychological help and to be locked behind closed doors for the safety of children everywhere. Get the fuck over it!

Picture 1: Music Icon.
Picture 2: HOLY SHIT!

Even now, shitty self important newspapers all over the country would give themselves gravel enemas just for the chance to write some vomit heaving one liners about Mr. Mays in their ever shrinking print media empire. Fact has nothing to do with a popular figure dying. Fuck no! The first thing they teach you in Media Bung Hole 101 is to take a serious topic (A father who died in his sleep, entertained millions, worked hard to provide for his family) and omit 99% of the details. Then, craft a completely infuriating joke headline from a pseudo captain of the press.

Like the LA Times and there sensitive headline of: But Wait! There's No More! Yeah. That's funny you fuckers. HAW HAW. I think I just wet myself. No, fuck sticks, you've essentially mocked the man's's death THE DAY HE DIED with your bullshit yuk yuks.

Asshats.

What's not to miss? The powerful, upbeat voice, the jovial personality, the mightiness of his magnificent beard. I'm sorry, Chuck Norris, we have to award Billy Mays the "Most Awesomingly Mighty Beard on the Planet" award; even if posthumously.

At least be happy with your decades long reign as champion.

This is the beard we shall forever praise.

His empire of direct sell television products was just the tip of the Orange Glo iceberg. Mr. Mays took it to the next level. He and Anthony Sullivan launched a show on the Discovery Channel called Pitchmen. Stay with me here. When I first heard of it, I thought it was some unholy America's Got Talent meets America's Next Top Model hybrid. However, I stumbled upon the show late one night recovering from... a cold.

+Ah-choo

It was awesome! Immediately my preconceived notions vanished not unlike shower tile mildew after being decimated by KABOOM. It was more than a shitty reality show. It showed the intricate behind the scenes workings of what we, as a nation, just think of as late night television filler. The show is like being smacked in the face with a fish (in a good way).


More goes into the Direct Response Marketing business than I initially realized. Sure, most of us figured all they really do is point a camera, press record, and film Mr. Mays shouting the product's praises. Wrong! Tons of hours are put into pre-production, filming, post-production..... the amount of time they have to spend wading through douche bag after douche bag is a gigantic shit storm in it's own right. Most of the "innovative" products being pitched are just plain 'ol retarded. I don't know if you've noticed, but this country is full of people nuttier than a gross of shithouse rats.

No offense meant to the rats of the world.

To their credit, Mr. Mays and Sully give it their all in ensuring that they beat the shit out of every possible angle to attempt to make a product successful. Even if it's goofier than originally thought.

Mr. Mays was a Renaissance man. His blue shirt and khakis will forever stand as a symbol of in your face pitching. In fact, FWTC is officially retiring the blue button up work shirt and khakis ensemble. No one can wear them. Ever! So help me God, if I see some son of a bitch out there trying to sling shitty products wearing the Billy Mays uniform....

What do we do now? Where do we go from here? My friends, I don't know. What kind of cruel world would take the Roman god of pitchmen and leave us with Vince Schlomi? It's not right! It's not fair!

We need to mourn. Only time will help. I don't think it's too outrageous to make leather bracelets with WWBMD etched on them. I just put in a nomination to the Vatican to canonize Mr. Mays. That's how it works, right?


The FWTC asks everyone to hold a moment of silence for Mr. Mays. Right now. Go on. Do it!

[Shhhhh. Silence]

Songs will be sung and stories told. No doubt, a shit ton of tee shirts and other novelties will be manufactured for a grief stricken and gullible public. Yea, I'll buy my fair share. What can I do? I'm powerless to resist collecting memorabilia of our fallen hero. From what I hear, poems about the Great and Powerful Billy Mays are being written as we speak. OK, that link leads to a Walt Whitman poem about the death of Lincoln. But, shit, it can mean two things! The similarities between Lincoln and Mr. Mays are staggering. Don't believe me? Shut up!

Oh, Pitchman! My Pitchman!

We will never be able to fill the void left by Mr. Mays. Surely when our species is long dead, our great monuments crumbling; the only record of our existence will be that of one Billy Mays. A visiting alien race will uncover archaeological evidence of Mr. Mays and his many miracles. They will be forced to conclude that Earth was ruled by a great, bearded warrior wielding the might of his arsenal of cleaning and fix-it products. It will start a revolution. A spiritual revival, if you will. Eventually, that alien race will adopt Mays-ism as their religion. Churches will be built and monuments dedicated to Mighty Putty will be carved out of stone. Entire church services will be dedicated to the book of Mighty Mendit. Can you see it?

A reading from book of Anthony Sullivan:
"Let not your laundry be dingy and yellow. Let not your bathrooms be smelly and stale. Thou shall embrace the teachings of the Mighty Billy Mays and thou shall benefit from his glory. Yey, as I walk through the valley of death, I shall fear no foot discomfort. For the protection of the divine Impact Gel will protect my feet."

The Word according to Sully. Thanks be to Billy Mays

Then, the Church will have to clean house once they discover a small sect of Schlomi-ists. Nobody expects the Billy Mays Inquisition!

Recant! Recant! Denounce Schlomi and embrace your TRUE pitchman!

We're still reeling from this sudden and stomach punching loss. The episode of Pitchmen on my DVR will never be deleted. As soon as the full season is available, I shall purchase it and place the commemorative box in a place of honor. I shall pay homage to it every morning and every night. There's a national holiday in this, somewhere. I'm just not sure where yet.

This just feels right.

And now, I will leave you to mourn in your own, solemn way. Rest assure that the world shares your pain, as you will see in this tribute video on YouTube set to "Dust in the Wind". Thank you Darkmatter28031. May the Mays be with you.

But wait... there's more, Mr. Mays. There will always be more.

Bradley Cooper on Jennifer Aniston: “she’s simply a friend”

Bradley Cooper was asked at an event on Friday in Paris if he had a hot new romance with Jennifer Aniston, with whom he had a well documented dinner date in New York last week. He said that he worked with her and that they’re friends, but he didn’t exactly deny that he was out on a date with her. The way he words his statement makes it sound like there could eventually be a romantic relationship there, but that it hasn’t developed yet. He said “If someone says ‘hello’ to her, it’s [a] given [in the tabloid press] that he’s fallen in love with her.” It’s like he’s hinting that it could go somewhere, but saying they’re in the early stages yet and he’s not sure. At least that’s how I interpreted it:

First they reputedly flirted at a party. Then, June 18, they definitely had dinner together. So, what is going on between Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Aniston?

That was the question put to The Hangover star on Friday in Paris, where he had accepted an invitation from Louis Vuitton to be their guest at a menswear event. Told there had been talk that he and Aniston had been out together, Cooper replied with a laugh: “Who talked about it? It wasn’t me. It was someone else.”

In a more serious vein, Cooper, 34, said of Aniston (in French, which he speaks fluently from his 1996 exchange-student days): “She’s a friend of mine. Simply, simply, just a friend.”

He further clarified, “In America, its not like it is here. She’s someone who is super, super known. Famous. If someone says ‘hello’ to her, it’s given that he’s fallen in love with her. So, no. No. She’s a very, very interesting woman, but she’s simply a friend.

“We made a film together” – He’s Just Not That Into You – “but we didn’t have any scenes together. I got hired in at the beginning of the casting, and my part was solely with Scarlett Johansson and Jennifer Connelley. Which isn’t bad at all.”

Next up for Hollywood’s hot new leading man – whose sequel to The Hangover won’t shoot until 2011 – is a reunion with another “good friend,” Jennifer Garner, in Valentine’s Day. Also starring Julia Roberts, Anne Hathaway, Jessica Biel, Jessica Alba and Ashton Kutcher, the film begins production in September.

[From People]

Cooper was seen out on another lunch-type date with an unknown woman on June 22, and he’s been linked to Lake Bell after the two were seen looking “cosy” at an event - also last week. Is Cooper playing the field and will he ever be ready to settle down? I’m beginning to think that his date with Aniston wasn’t some kind of PR move, as I suspected after seeing a suspicious profile of him in People Magazine shortly afterwards. He’s a single 34 year-old guy whose Hollywood career is about to take off, of course he’s dating and having fun. At least Aniston is going out with a guy who doesn’t Twitter his every thought and make insinuating remarks to the press. Cooper is trying to remain classy about the whole thing, and I bet the “falling in love” part might come in time if he finds her so interesting. It was telling that he brought the L word up.

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Donald Fehr is retiring and that is good for baseball

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Bad Luck Always Comes in Threes

What the hell is going on here in the United States these past few days? I mean, good God almighty!


Ed McMahon
Tuesday, June 23rd, just after midnight, Mr. Tonight Show sidekick and Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes king Ed McMahon died in the hospital, basically of old age and health problems including bone cancer and pneumonia. The past few years there have been all sorts of rumors about him marrying some hot gold digger who cleaned him out and left him virtually homeless. Who knows if there's any truth to it? Still, he seemed like a nice enough guy. I hate to see him go. It was a sad day.

But the sad was only just getting started.



Farrah Fawcett
Today, at 9:28 am in a hospital in Santa Monica, California, Charlie's Angels icon and queen of the most famous pin-up poster in modern history, Farrah Fawcett, died after a 3 year long, knock-down, drag out battle with anal cancer.

Whoever even heard of anal cancer before she got it? And yet they say it's pretty common. It's just that until someone beautiful gets it, no one wants to talk about it. Then a hot sexy movie star from Corpus Christi, Texas gets it and suddenly the world is paying attention.

Just this past May, Farrah did a 2 hour special showing the ugly and painful struggle she had been going through. And you could pretty well guess that she wasn't going to make it. It was so very sad.



Michael Jackson
Almost exactly 3 hours after Farrah Fawcett died, at 12:21 in the afternoon, Michael Jackson, the king of pop, crotch grabbing and really tacky '80s jackets, collapsed and had to be rushed to the hospital. 2 hours later, at 2:26 pm, he was officially pronounced dead. They said he had a heart attack. Oh sure, there's going to be an autopsy. Maybe it was something more than a heart attack. Maybe it was drugs. Or diet pills. Or stress from bankruptcy. Or Billy Mays screaming over the TV and scaring the living shit out of him. Who knows? It's still a huge shock.


I guess it's just a reminder, you know, that we're all going to die. I didn't really need the reminder. Passive/aggressive cunts in traffic have been reminding me on a daily basis. But I guess God wanted to make sure we're all paying attention. This is a short ride. We'll be getting off soon. Throw your hands in the air and scream while you can. Before you know it the cars will be coming to a stop and they'll be telling you to get out so the next generation can take a turn. Here's hoping you had fun and nobody puked on you.


Off into the sunset, to a better place