Cramps

I'm exhausted. I travel. I work long, long hours. I travel some more. I work more long hours. People ask me for impossible projects to be completed in impossible time-frames. I'm tired.

Oh, and I work out. Not that I look like someone who works out. I mean, people have told me that my muscles are bigger, but the goal wasn't to get bigger. It was to get smaller. Specifically in the middle region. Washboard abs I have not.

I've been sick, so I missed working out all last week. My knee hurts for reasons I can't figure out. I don't recall injuring it, but I've had enough knee surgeries to know what torn cartilage feels like and this seems similar. But how? How could I have? Hopefully this is just some fluky, freaky side-effect of being sick. The knee pain started when I got sick. Hey, women get all achy when they have their periods, right? It's possible.

Speaking of periods, a single, pretty, size 2, brunette, female friend of mine was complaining of cramps from her period earlier today. Me being a guy, I was unsure how to say, "Ah, that sucks. I'm sorry you're hurting." So I said this instead, "well, when the pain gets really bad just be happy you don't have balls. If you'd like I can show you police reports of men being murdered by women who grabbed their balls and squeezed until the men's hearts exploded and they died. Death by pain from crushed balls is no way to go. Give me cramps over being grabbed by the nuts any day." Yeah, so it wasn't very helpful. But she was nice and pretended that this made her feel better.

Cheer fail.


Not Cheered


Right now I'm watching "Diary of a Call Girl" on Showtime and listening to the rain beat on the window outside. Billie Piper has come a long way since Dr. Who, hasn't she? She said once that people have criticized her for tarnishing the image of her Dr. Who character and glorifying prostitution. Hey, she didn't have to glorify it. Men are always grateful for good-looking prostitutes. She's simply portraying the life of one of them. At least the woman she's portraying never slept with the Governor of New York, eh? I like to look on the bright side of things.


Billie Piper

How come no one ever criticized prostitute-loving former New York governor Elliot Spitzer for glorifying politicians and then tarnishing the image of prostitutes and prosecutors?

It's because he's a MAAAAAAAAAAN!

Yeah, that's bullshit, I know, but earlier today I accidentally stumbled onto a feminist blog and that was the sort of thing they were saying, along with all men are rapists and only women can be victims of sexual violence and blah blah. They were also laughing and celebrating the Vancouver Serial Groin Kicker who partially castrated one of her many male victims of sexual violence by kicking him so hard that one of his testicles was rammed up inside his abdomen, rupturing it and leaving him in horrific agony for 6 months while he sat on Canada's government health insurance waiting list begging and praying for the surgery he desperately needed. He lost his job and life's savings because he couldn't work for those 6 pain-wracked months and basically had his life destroyed by the entire experience. Anyone who can laugh at this is a shit. Or a feminist. But I repeat myself. Surprisingly, when I left a comment, that is not what I said. I don't know why, but I didn't feel the need to call any of them a bunch of misandric sexist cunts. I was restrained, almost detached. I was downright numb. Disturbingly numb.

Did I mention how tired I am? I am truly exhausted.



Psychic or Not Psychic?

I like to go to psychics and punch them in the face. Then I say "I guess you saw that coming, huh?" Yeah, psychics hate me. But it's the best way I know of to tell which ones are the real deal and which are fakes. I figure the real ones will duck. So far none of them have been real, apparently.

So anyway, apparently psychic-punching is a lot like testicle-rupturing - perfectly legal. I have yet to get into any trouble for my new favorite hobby. I'm thinking of combining it with serial psychic groin kicking just to add some variety.

Yeah, I just made that shit up. Did you know? Wow, you must be psychic!


Speaking of groin kicking, a few months ago I tried a writing exercise where I took a subject that I considered to be about as unfunny as it could possibly be and I tried to write a post about it that was funny. So I wrote a list of 10 people I wanted to "punt in the cunt" and I posted it on Burt's Stache. Several commenters wrote that they found it hilarious. And most of them were women. I was really surprised by that. But I never did find the humor in what I had written. I just don't like it at all. So I took the post down a week or two later. If you were looking for it and wondering where it went, now you know. I'm no fan of sexual violence and abuse, not for men or women. It's just wrong. I don't care what those misandric sex-offender-loving feminists or Seth MacFarlane says. He's a giant vagina.


OK, I'm going to go do something else now and then go to bed.


Bed



Before I go, here's some good music for you: