Man Marries Grandmother's Mink Hat

Barry Tennison prefers the simple life: an insurance actuary by day, and a devoted husband come nightfall.

Passing his days with ease wasn’t always second nature for Barry-there was a time when hedonism, and excessive perversions controlled his every move. It wasn’t until Barry settled down with his Grandmother’s Mink Hat that he found solitude, companionship, and a reason for living.

On March 27, 2009, Mr. Tennison wed his deceased Grandmothers Mink Hat on an archipelago, off the coast of Dubai. With a Minister, Ben Habig, (hired from Craig’s List), and childhood friend, Whitney Prendergast, in attendance, Barry pledged himself forever faithful to “Nana’s Socket.”

“I cried. I truly cried,” said Whitney. “I mean you should have seen him before he realized that masturbating in Nana’s Socket was the only thing that really made him happy…truly happy. He was a mess. There was drinking, prostitutes … he had no job. It wasn’t a good time.”

After speaking with Mr. Prendergast, an independently wealthy chess champion living on the Upper East Side of Manhattan, we too were convinced that there was no other road to recovery for Barry. “Trying to fit in can be the most difficult thing in the world when you’re in love with an inanimate object,” Whitney explained. “If more people pledged their faith to the inanimate objects they are bound to, maybe they wouldn’t be so upset. I heard a man in Canada married himself last year. Life doesn’t have to be so difficult.“

The scene couldn’t have been more picturesque: an archipelago shaped like a Palm Tree in a hot-bed for human trafficking, two life-long friends, a minister with an online degree, and an eternal love for a Grandmother's Mink Hat.

After the ceremony, Barry held a gentle smile firm to his face, and asked for a moment alone with “Nana”, referring to the frayed mink hat fondly. Before parting, (in search of duty free items at the hotel gift shop), we asked Barry how he felt. He replied simply: “Blessed.”

It takes a brave spirit and a simple soul to chase down a dream. Barry Tennison seemed to embody both as he affectionately caressed Nana’s Socket gazing at the sunset over the Persian Gulf.