Bush Explains Shrinkage in "Juicy"

(MP) – Sweat suits are quite popular attire for a jaunt to the suburban mall, or an expedition to the movies with the kids. They can also feel real comfy-cozy when one decides to jog down to the neighborhood market for some morning brew and the Sunday Paper. That is where former President George W Bush found himself donning a Sunday sweat suit in his Houston neighborhood over the weekend.

Although he was ensconced in his Sunday comfy-cozy, “W” appeared a bit fey with the words “Juicy” plastered across his buttocks.

“I knew there must have been a reason why I felt so darn giddy. I guess these juicy deals do that to you,” said Mr. Bush.

It seems that Bush was in a rush to read his horoscope on Sunday morning, and needed to get his paper, so he went rifling through a pile of clothes in the family laundry room, when he came across a matching set of sunflower yellow Juicy Couture sweatpants and sweatshirt.

“Laundry room is in the back of the house. House faces west. There’s only one window. Ya can’t see much. I could of sworn I was holding my Yale Bull Dogs tops and bottoms which I wear every weekend, but I guess Laura didn’t wash them, so I’m in these juicy deals … which aren’t half bad,” explained Mr. Bush.

As George W Bush paraded around the local market, followed closely by secret service, he gathered some fresh orange juice, the morning paper, and some Little Debbie's Smores snacks. His Juicy morning didn’t seem to phase him in least. We tried to get the attention of the secret service to inquire why it was they allowed George to leave the family compound dressed in Jenna’s former frat party favorite, but we only received stone faces ... below magic-shell-hair.

Finally George unlocked his scooter from outside the store, and before his first push of the leg that would bring him scampering home, he looked over to me and said, “only thing that sucks aboutthese things is that they make my damn 'business' looks so darn small…must be the breeze.”

The breeze is always one explanation for a lot of things. But for Mr. Bush, sometimes a good horoscope is all it takes. Houston Chronicle horoscope for Cancer on March 30, 2009: don't be afraid to try new things.

Thanks "W" for embracing your spiritual path.