50 Things About Me - 'cuz I'm lacking creativity today

Either it's the height of narcissism or it's a way of letting passing potential readers know who I am better, in case they might want to stick around. Either way, it's tailor-made for a blog. So here it is. 50 things about me:


1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Yes, I was named after all of those old people who were named long before me. Rumor has it that I got the name that was supposed to go to the kid next to me in the baby display area, but there was some mix-up and he ended up named Cleophus Opie instead. He still stalks me sometimes. Get over it, dude.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
Um ... I think it was when I read that Jessica Biel is doing a nude scene in her next movie. I really can't remember for sure. But then again, that's what tequila is for, isn't it?

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
I am a computer geek. There is only one thing computer geeks still do by hand and it isn't writing.

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Jessica Biel with just a sliver of Jenny McCarthy


5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
Not until the paternity test proves otherwise, biatch.

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
It would depend on whether this other person I suddenly was is a dick or not. Maybe the old me wouldn't want to be friends with the new obnoxious me, did you ever think of that? Yeah, look at that. I just rejected me before I could reject me first. Or something.

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
No, of course not. Only mental midgets use sarcasm. Well, mental midgets and highly intelligent people who don't feel like arguing with pinheads who don't know what the hell they're talking about. Yeah, you're so awesome. You should run for the Senate, Mr. Franken. You have some great ideas there. And such charisma, too. Ha ha. No, I really mean that.

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
Last time I checked I did, yes. Why, did you need to borrow them?

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
I'd rather skydive. It lasts longer and gives you time for the urine to evaporate before anyone notices your little 'accident'.

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
Ted Bundy is probably my favorite. He was so suave and cool. Most of them are ugly nutjobs, but he could have been on American Idol. Wait, you spelled 'serial' wrong.

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
You can't untie 3" pumps. This has nothing to do with me, of course, but it remains true. Anyway, as for my own shoes, yes, I do untie them before taking them off and placing them neatly in the closet while singing "Won't you please - please won't you be - my neighbor?"

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Rocky Road with Chocolate Mint thrown in for maximum fattage, all smeared across Shannon Elizabeth's naked body.


14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
The first thing I notice is whether they're a Victoria's Secret supermodel with hardly any clothes on or not. This sort of thing is important to me, you know.

15. RED OR PINK?
What, like I'm your gynecologist or something? Oh fine, hop up on the table.

16. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
I didn't major in gynecology when I had the chance, dammit.

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
My cat, Stinky. He moves really fast and I always have been pretty wild with my sidearm fastballs. I hit him some of the time, though.

18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO COMPLETE THIS LIST?
Yes, and also send me money. Who do you mean by 'everyone' exactly? Are we including Hollywood celebrities in that? I'd like Jessica Biel to come sit on my lap and complete this list using my computer while I give her a full body massage, that's what I'd like.


19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
Is this for Jessica Biel's restraining order or something? Why do you want to know that specifically?

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
Some jackass beating on ductwork with a hammer over my head. What the hell are they doing up there?!

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Envy Green, 'cause that guy who used to be married to Shannon Elizabeth is way uglier than me and still he got some of that ass.

23. FAVORITE SMELLS?
Napalm in the morning, fresh crisp money, woman sweat, and cinnamon rolls

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Jessica Biel's attorney. Apparently it WAS for her restraining order. I told them my name is "Fingers" and I live in Sydney. I think they bought it.


26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Nude Supermodel Ultimate Fighting

27. HAIR COLOR?
Same brown as always, but with some gray (thanks 'University of We No Speak English But We Do Good Research')

28. EYE COLOR?
Brown, but I'm thinking of dying them blond

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
No, but I have several on LinkedIn

30. FAVORITE FOOD?
Anything non-salmonellaish

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
Violent world destroying hopeless Gothic films with way too much CGI effects and Kate Beckinsale naked.

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
Mary Poppins Does Dallas

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
Again with the tricks for that restraining order, eh? Just ask Jessica to look out her bedroom window and see for herself. I'm not that hard to spot.


34. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Summer on the beach in the Great Barrier Reef

35. HUGS OR KISSES?
Kinda depends on whether we're talking about a Heidi Klum type or more of a Ben Roethlisberger type, you know? Heidi can kiss me, but if you're a guy, or Queen Latifah, just shake my hand please.

37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
Ai Dunn No

38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
Mark Twain

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
Um, something or other about how Leftists manipulate language to influence how people think and something else which my wife insists I should read called "One to get ready" or something like that (Stephanie Plum - sound familiar?) Oh, and also a book by the guy that created Vanguard, John Bogle or something like that.

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
Ain't no mouse pad, honkey! It's be called a 'crib' now.

41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?
30 Rock, the Travel channel, and then Girls Next Door. Only one of them has real boobs, you know.

42. FAVORITE SOUND(S)?
I don't want to tell you because it's naughty and I'm not the one making it at the time. If Jessica Biel will open the door and let me in she can demonstrate it for you and me both.


43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
Stones. I grew up in a Beatles household and one day discovered that I had missed a lot of good Stones music. Also good? AC/DC

44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
Whatever that island in the Caribbean is that's farthest out there. Grenada? I can't remember. Or maybe Toronto, Ontario is farther away. Anyway, once I go to Australia there won't be any more confusion about this.

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
Yes, writing for no money. I seem to be really good at the not getting paid for anything that I write thing. Also pretty good at the not getting published thing, which goes along with the not getting paid.

46 WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
In a hospital delivery room on a cold table containing my momma.

47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?
The person whose answers come with money attached.

48. HOW DID YOU MEET YOUR SPOUSE/SIGNIFICANT OTHER?
Well, we were both being booked at the same time and she said to me, "hey baby, you need a date?"

49. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DRINK?
Diet Caffeine-free Captain Morgan, light on the Coke

50. TARGET OR WALMART?
Target. Too many relatives shop at Walmart and might find me if I go there.

Ta daaaaaa! I'm all done now. Come wipe me.

Manny Ramirez can go fuck himself!!

When will the Los Angeles Dodgers learn????...

For the fourth time, Manny Ramirez and his agent Scott Bore-ass declined the Dodgers offer...this time they turned down a $25 million, one-year contract with a $20 million player option for 2010...

The Dodgers are assholes if they continue to pursue Ramirez...they have made more than fair offers...the time has come where L.A. should announce that they have moved on and will no longer offer Ramirez a contract...

As for Manny, I have this to say to him and his agent - "Go fuck yourself you greedy long-haired bastard!!!"....

Think about it, this dude has turned down $25 million...$25 million!!!!...and it's not like this is his first ever baseball contract...he has already made over $100 million over his career...

NO MEANS NO! I don't want to buy the crap you're peddling!

By Tresckow

I will reach through this phone and strangle you!

It never fails. Even in this turd burger of an economy, there are hundreds if not thousands of crap pushing (not a gay joke) sales people desperately trying to sell you junk you don't have a need for; let alone the money to buy. They're everywhere; on the phone, spam in your email, going door to door with their damn little boxes of cookies that have been so reduced in size thin mint might as well be a Junior Mint. But, I digress...

Pretty much the actual size of a
Girl Scouts of America Thin Mint cookie

I understand that they have a job to do. Their job is to find as many people to buy their products as possible. I get how the capitalist system works. But, this time tested system takes a very ugly turn when the salesman REFUSES TO BELIEVE you don't want their product.

Just like in cases of date rape and window shopping at an Audi dealer, no means no. That's right, I said no. I may be insane for not wanting to part with my cash in these desperate times in the US, but dude, I don't want what you're selling. Accept it. Move on.

The best call screener of all time.

Some sales people are gracious about it. "OK, sir, please keep us in mind when you're ready to purchase colostomy bags." I can deal with that. They know when to quit. The realize that with this failed sale there may be a successful one in the next call. Or the next one. Or the next one. Or the next one. Or the......

Yesterday, I had this asshat outright REFUSE to take no for an answer. This was in a professional capacity, so unlike my normal response of "Shove a cactus up your ass and spin" I had to react in a more... um... professional manner. Oh, but my inner monologue was raging.

"If I could just schedule a conference with you and show you what our service can do..." Again, at the office, cant slam the phone down or tell him how I saw his mother with three guys and a midget in the bus station bathroom. I had to be... professional. But even professionals get tired of dealing with shit. Next thing I know, I got this meeting appointment in my email. I've heard of hard sells, but this is basically sales rape. No means no.

So, I figure I'll just humor him. Lead him on. And then like my high school crush, wait until the last minute to not put out. I guess, in lieu of being left alone, I'll settle giving him the proverbial salesman blue balls. Now, I just want him to question his life and contemplate throwing himself in front of a bus. Not to die. No, that would be cruel. I just want him to be a vegetable for the rest of his life.

See? Even potatoes can be happy, in their own simple way.

Thoughts on the Current State of the Union

I was just sitting here on the computer Tuesday night, Twittering and Facebooking while President Obama made his 1000th speech this month. It was an interesting experience. Everyone was writing their reactions to his speech in real time.

For several years I worked at one of the largest banks in the Southeastern United States. I looked at the mountains of bad mortgages, and the incredible huge black holes of financial debt Americans were happily piling onto their futures in order to 'live the dream'. I saw all of this, along with the reports of how alongside the debt was a near complete lack of money in savings, simply so they could drive a BMW SUV and wear something with 'Prada' written on it, and I wondered, has the average American really become this reckless, this foolish, this superficial, this low class, this blind to the consequences of the path we're on?

Tonight I saw a glimpse into my answer.

For twelve years, former President Roosevelt insisted that the incredibly long, drawn out Depression wasn't his fault. Oh no, it was the fault of the previous administration, President Hoover's administration. Yes, for twelve long years. And people bought it. Enough Americans believed that horseshit to reelect him more times than any other president in U.S. history. Roosevelt loved making speeches and was an expert at bullshitting his way free of blame, relying heavily on his charisma. Today, President Obama and the Press regularly compare Barack and his policies to President Roosevelt. And this despite the fact that economists looking back at Roosevelt's policies and their impact have concluded that he didn't solve the Depression at all. He made it worse. He made it much, much worse.

Historians defend President Roosevelt from the economists by saying "he didn't know. No one knew back then. He did what seemed like the best idea at the time."

Fine, he did what they thought was best at the time, lacking any better information to go on. I'll give them that, even though it isn't entirely correct. It most certainly isn't true anymore. We know why it was a mistake and specifically what aspects of Roosevelt's ever-expanding Federal Government were the worst mistakes of all. We know, but we've learned nothing from it. We're doing it again, only this time we're doing it on a much larger scale, and in response to a much smaller crisis.

Yes, we have a big crisis. But the Depression was dramatically worse than this. Rahm Emanuel spelled out Obama's strategy clearly when he said "don't waste this crisis." Everyone who knows who Rahm Emanuel is knows exactly what he meant:

'While Americans are emotional, while Americans are enjoying the soap opera and the drama and not thinking clearly, logically, objectively, let us build the Socialist Dream that Saul Alinsky envisioned. Let us complete the castration of the West and turn the Shining City on a Hill into the biggest Nanny State in Western history.'

And so we shall.

Sure, France and Germany have been slowly moving away from this model for a Nursery Nation because it has been such a huge failure, sucking them down into obscurity with the resulting mass temper tantrums and utter lack of masculine character that it inspires, but so what? If there's one thing we know about Progressives, it's that Progressives are slaves to the power of Denial. Failure is not simply ignored, it's denied violently. And so, even as we move to 'Universal Health care', which must be paid for by an ever-shrinking body of American workers who already can't afford health care, we are simultaneously rebuilding the Welfare State that was partially dismantled in the 1990s by Bill Clinton and the Republican Congress. How ironic to see a day when Republicans might wish for Bill Clinton to return. And yet, that day is here.

---

I watched a documentary the other night on Venezuela's Hugo Chavez. I watched the people, all dressed in red, cheering with tears in their eyes for their 'great leader' while he gave an emotional rah rah speech. I watched as he strutted around, steadily growing accustomed to the power and the adoration. I listened to excerpts from several of his speeches in which he lectured the nation like a mother hen, pecking at them for buying things which he didn't feel they needed, things like Prada purses and SUVs, finally making it illegal to do so. His arrogance grew steadily and noticeably in the clips they showed, stepping from one year to the next so that you could easily see the progression in his ego and his arrogance and most of all, in his power and control over The People. He made lots and lots of speeches. The longer he remained in power, the more speeches he made, rambling on and on about what everyone should and shouldn't do, should and shouldn't want, like a drunken man who simply enjoys the sound of his own voice.

At the end of the documentary, they showed some of the younger generation of Venezuelans. They showed how they were disgusted with their parents who blindly worshipped and followed Chavez despite the glaring failures of socialism and all his empty, emotion-driven broken promises. They rolled their eyes as their mothers praised Chavez for his ability to bring them to tears with his words of hope and 'yes we can'. The old ladies didn't care that his policies had brought a rich and prosperous nation to ruin. All that mattered to them was the fact that his words were like a Hallmark card, making them cry with emotion.

The more I learn about the roots of the current financial crisis, the angrier I get. Bill Clinton himself, in an incredibly uncharacteristic statement, admitted his share of the blame for the subprime mortgage crisis. He even called on the rest of the Democratic Party to do likewise. They, of course, refused. Still, the subprime mortgage crisis isn't the whole crisis. It's just one piece to a much larger puzzle.

Barack Obama's own Black Congressional Caucus, working hand-in-hand with ACORN, a political racketeering organization known to openly and illegally stuff ballot boxes and blackmail financial institutions, in blatant violation of the law, also bears a large portion of blame.

George Bush and the Republican Party, increasing spending on socialist programs that they knew damn well their supporters did not support, bear a share of the blame, too. And for the Republicans part, they were kicked out by those same former supporters. But so far they have been the only ones to suffer any punishment for these abuses of power.

The feeding frenzy in Washington, D.C. has been growing out of control for decades. My father once gave me a book written by a former member of the House of Representatives. In the book the author warned about the "pigs at the trough" who were growing in number and in power in Washington, sucking the blood out of our nation's economy. The former Congressman warned that if they weren't stopped, they would grow and grow until they brought the entire economy to its knees. It was an old book, written around 1980. Things weren't even half as bad then as they are today.

Barack Obama's speaking abilities are excellent. He's as good as any televangelist I've ever heard, and far better than either former Presidents named Bush or any of the current Republicans. But the emotional response to his empty rhetoric by The People in this country is disturbing. It's also dangerous. I wish I could believe that Americans are too smart to be taken in by the likes of Nancy "raging ego" Pelosi, Joe "vagina" Biden, Rahm "don't waste this crisis" Emanuel, or any of the host of other scam artists who perpetually surround our new President like a dark shadow. But the statistics on the steady rise in personal debt willingly embraced by the average American citizen over the past many years following the stock market crash of 2000, so strongly contrasted with the near complete absence of savings, tells me otherwise. I'm not talking about debt taken on out of necessity. I'm talking about enormous personal debt taken on in order to buy, buy, buy without ever stopping simply because shopping is fun and exciting and feels good. I'm talking about a nation of shopaholics who buy things because Oprah recommended it, because it's shiny, because the ads for it appealed to their "strong, independent" ego, or simply because the feeling of buying something new was the only good feeling left in their empty, me-first and me-only lives.



Many years ago, Osama bin Laden and his Oxford-educated Muslim jihad advisers, very intelligently and correctly surmised that a terrorist attack on the World Trade Center in New York City, if successful, would bring the Western financial world to its knees. They hit it in 1993 using a truck bomb, hoping that by blowing up the base of one of the two tallest towers, they could cause it to fall into the other of the tallest towers, bringing both towers crashing down. The bomb exploded successfully, but it didn't bring either tower down. For eight years the White House under Bill Clinton, did very little about the attack. They let Osama go without giving him any trouble at all.

And then, on September 11th, 2001, Osama's soldiers tried again. They had studied and planned for eight additional years why their initial attack had failed and what sort of attack would be necessary to succeed. Despite the political cartoons depicting them as towel-headed morons, the reality is that despite their emotion-laden, tear jerking, "Yes-We-Can" jihad speeches, the men leading them are not fools at all. They are generals. And they knew what they were doing when they successfully brought down both Tower One and Tower Two of the World Trade Center. It was an enormous rock thrown into the center of a sea of trade, and the ripples kept right on flowing across the oceans of trade for years after, building into a tidal wave.

Couple the terrorist destruction of the financial trade center of the Western World with the housing crisis made infinitely worse by the Democratic Party, Barack Obama's Congressional Black Caucus, and the ACORN-pirates, and you have major disaster on your hands. Add to that the dramatic expansion of Government under the Clinton White House and Republican Congress of the late '90s, and later continuing under the Bush White House and formerly Republican Congress in the early 21st Century, and you begin to see more causes of the current unraveling of our economy.

Throw in Bernard Madoff and his hedge fund, stealing over $50 billion from the world's richest few, add a dash of other crooks just like him, but on a smaller scale, and it's like gasoline on an already huge raging fire.

No, it wasn't a failure of capitalism that created this mess, as Barack Obama claims. It was corruption, massive out-of-control corruption at the highest levels of government.

Still, the fire could be put out. The worst has hit us and we know who and what our enemy is. We know what has to be done. We also know what the worst possible thing we could do is. The worst possible thing we could do is to allow politicians, the very same politicians whose faces are still covered in golden pork from having their heads buried deep in the trough of taxpayer money for so many years, to exploit this crisis, their crisis for which they bear so much personal blame. To allow these pigs to exploit the emotion and the fear of the American people in order to explode the size of the Federal Government into the single largest entity in the nation, producing nothing while devouring everything, including the Constitution and all the rights and powers of The People, is nothing short of treason. And if the word 'treason' bothers you, then replace it with 'suicide'. The end result is the same.

I'd like to believe that Americans are too smart to allow our nation to be transformed into one of the most ineffective lumbering socialist regimes in the Western hemisphere. I'd like to believe that we're smarter than the people of Venezuela, smarter than the people of Cuba, smarter than the people of China with its infamous purges of which our history books say virtually nothing. I'd especially like to believe that Americans today are smarter than the people of Germany in the 1930s, where socialism's greatest emotional orator of the 20th Century rose to power amid a sea of worshipful tears, screaming fans, and enthusiastic chants of "social justice" and "hail the victory".

I'd like to believe it. But I've just read that President Obama is doing away with President Bush's tax cuts, the only thing proven to effectively stimulate the economy. I've just read how he is rebuilding the Welfare State, bigger and badder than it was before, with states being rewarded not for encouraging the disadvantaged to work and become self-sufficient, but instead for dragging as many citizens as possible onto the roles of welfare, adding as many as possible and receiving Federal Money in return for each and every one. In other words, if the States are able to sign up every single formerly working citizen for welfare, Obama's new policy rewards them for all of them. Not even Roosevelt envisioned this.

Some call it 'hope'. Some call it 'change'. Some call it 'yes we can'. I'll be curious to hear what they're calling it 4 years from now.




$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Wednesday Words

The Welfare State is back, bigger than before

I listened to most of President Obama's speech/sermon last night and I have quite a bit to say about it. I was up late writing my reactions and noting the reactions of others. I started to post what I'd written, only to pull it back. I've done this several times now, starting to post, then pulling it back. I don't know why. I have a lot of thoughts about it, yet don't feel much like sharing any of them.

It was interesting to note the reactions of the people on the internet while he was speaking. People on Twitter were talking nonstop about it. People on Facebook were arguing, with Obama supporters telling those with differing views to "shut the hell up." I myself offered only a few opinions, hardly any that I would consider particularly controversial. I just didn't feel it.

Thomas Sowell has an article out this week about the feeling of utter despair he senses among the non-Leftists, and especially among the Conservatives. He says it is unlike anything he has seen before and that he himself is fighting it, as he watches a once-free nation being transformed into the biggest Welfare State in history. He finds it hard to maintain hope.

I'm in a bit of a strange position. I feel detached. I want to go live in Australia. I'm aware that Australia is already socialist to a large degree, and I don't like socialism at all. Regardless of how I feel about it, I haven't yet been to Australia. I haven't found a job there or even applied. I mean, there's the Hamilton Island thing, but my chances with that aren't great considering the professional level competition. And it's only a 6-month, temporary work visa thing anyway. The point is, in realistic terms, I haven't done much of anything necessary to actually move myself to Australia. Yet I feel virtually no connection to the United States at all at this point.

I feel like a man in a dream, watching a fire burning higher and higher all around him, oddly untouched by the flames or heat. Rather than being frozen with fear at the sight of this horrific fascist monster rising up, or crushed with despair at the well-deserved losses of the Republican Party, I feel .... nothing at all.

When I heard that Melbourne was burning, I was upset and wanted to go fight the fires. When I hear that L.A. is burning, I feel almost nothing. It burns all the time. Sometimes its terrible, most times not so much. We get over it.

When I heard that Queensland was flooding and entire towns were underwater, I felt bad for them and wanted to help. When I hear about Louisiana blaming Bush because the mayor of New Orleans failed to do his job and the governor failed to do her job, I feel disgusted. Oh sure, I gave money. Some of my friends took time off from work to go down and try to help. I considered it, but couldn't go. I didn't feel horrible. And when refugees from New Orleans came to Memphis and began robbing everyone, including our criminals, sympathy dropped off pretty dramatically. It's a shame, I know, because there are a lot of good people who have been devastated, but the bad ones, there are so many. And they have soured the nation to the whole thing.

I'm noticing blogs fading. I know this comes and goes in cycles, but this one is pretty dramatic and I can't escape the feeling that Facebook and Twitter and others are stealing voices from here on a permanent basis. Facebook is fun, but you can't just wander by and make a new friend at random the way you can on The Blog. It's a private party, not an open bar. Miss Smack wrote about it. Fingers commented on it. Everyone is seeing it. It may be temporary. It may not. Who can say?


No straight girls allowed on my team, dammit!

Recently a girl filed a lawsuit against Central Michigan University because the new lesbian basketball coach is openly harassing and discriminating against heterosexual players, costing them their scholarships. The News Media, quite predictably, isn't interested in this story. You certainly won't see any crime shows on CBS about any evil lesbian coaches harassing their straight female players, that's for damn sure. This is exactly the sort of story I'd normally spend a whole week writing about. It's tailor-made for me. I don't know what's wrong with me lately. I just don't feel it. I hope the girl wins. What the coach is doing is wrong. I doubt she will, though. We all know who the powerful hate-groups are and who has no power. The outcome of this lawsuit is predictable. The powerless never win.


Misandric sexual assault is politically correct

Just the other night on CBS, the most racist and sexist network in the United States, a character named Ziva on the popular show NCIS, completely out of nowhere, sexually assaulted a white male who had pointed a handgun at her. It was at the end of the show. There wasn't any reason for it. They just threw it in there to make sure everyone knows how much CBS hates white males. It was interesting for several reasons. First, because there wasn't even an attempt made to justify it. She just did it for no reason. And second, she did NOT sexually assault the black male who was in charge, and who had just been shooting at her for over 10 minutes with a machine gun while telling her that he was going to rape her once he finally got her. No, sexually assaulting a black male is not politically correct. Only white males are to be sexually assaulted in the hate-motivated world of the PC Police State. This is why you won't ever see a black male be hit in the groin in any movie or TV show unless it was made by black people themselves, and usually only if it was made by one of the Wayan brothers.

Normally I would be all over this shit. But not this week. This week I'm numb. Or tired. Or maybe I'm numb and tired? I don't know. I'm just not myself. I didn't even yell at the TV when it happened. I just sat there and very slowly realized what had just occurred - black guy tries to murder woman with machine gun, black guy threatens to rape woman, white guy shows up with handgun, white guy is sexually assaulted and arrested, black guy isn't even handcuffed. Huh? That's fucking weird. Hey, wait a minute, that's Saul Alinsky PC sexist, racist bullshit! How did I miss that?


Sumner 'sociopath' Redstone says,
I love violent sex offenders. They're some of my favorite people.

So, what's most interesting this week, and this month, is not what Obama says in his many, many fucking speeches. It's what he's doing, but not so much talking about despite being on the TV every fucking night. Are you paying attention? Some bloggers are. Many are not, preferring instead to bask in the warm Oprah-like glow of empty rhetoric and promises that will not be kept. That's fine. I have so much I want to say. But for some reason I can't quite get it out. Perhaps tomorrow?


Oh, by the way, I've only just heard, but the Supreme Court has just ruled that despite our Constitution, legislators and prosecutors can now retroactively apply laws and charge people for things that weren't illegal when they did them, just so long as the new law is very, very politically correct. I shit you not. It passed 7-2, which is really disturbing. Someone was passing around some serious drugs on this day, clearly. So much for 'criminal intent' and all that.

An Extra Special Look Into a Rather Sleepless Night of a Diagnosed Insomniac

By Tresckow

Insomnia is great!

No, really.

How else would one experience the frustration of being awake and wired at 3 in the morning? You people who fall right to sleep as soon as your head hits the pillow don’t know what you’re missing.

There are a great many theories and medical explanations as to why insomnia occurs. It could be a shortage or over abundance of certain chemicals in the brain. It could be emotional issues. It could be stress. I like to think that it’s a knee slapping practical joke put on by the Sandman. That magic sleep dust carrying douche.

Not this Sandman.

But what happens when one is enduring the night while sleep has given him the finger? The easiest way to explain it is to track it:

1:00 AM

Realized it was 1 AM and I was still on the computer. Cursed taking two prescription medicines that keep me awake while they fight it out in my internal Thunderdome. I get frustrated, but try not to over think it. After all, thinking too much contributes to insomnia. I’m sure the Sandman is just running late. Right?

2:00 AM

I decide to go to bed and tough it out. I mean, come on! Who’s boss here? I am, damn it! I silently walk into the bedroom, only tripping over one cat. I fall into bed. Nope. Nothing. The Sandman asshole hasn’t hit my doorstep yet. Maybe he’s late. I do my best to clear my head of white noise. Oh, but wait, that makes it even worse. All of a sudden a tune from Bel Biv Devo pops into my head. Bel Biv Devo? Really? Are you kidding me? I hate them more than ever now. Yo! Sandman? You stuck in traffic?

You FUCKERS!

3:30 AM

I eventually get Bel Biv Devo out of my head; only to be replaced by some crappy top 40s song I inadvertently heard on the way home from work. Oh how I hate “modern” rock. It’s the equivalent of what Volkswagen did to the Beetle in the 90s…. made it look bad and suck. So I try to think about something else. Damn it! I shouldn’t be thinking at all. It’s friggin almost 4 in the morning! I suddenly want something bad to happen to the Sandman.

4:00 AM

My cats are acting like assholes. This is about the time. How can a sweet kitty prevent a grown man from sleeping? Especially when he’s soooooooo cute??

I must break you.

This little guy is hungry for some breakfast; an hour early. How does he express this hunger? He friggin poll vaults on the bed. Every two minutes he launches himself on the bed and uses the human beings on top as some sort of living, breathing pommel horse. He’s done this for years. He won’t stop. He’ll never stop. He will annoy. It’s what he does. It’s all he does! If I see the Sandman now, I’m going to kill him.

And I won't use any wimpy bullshit Peter Parker techniques, either.

5:00 AM

I relent and get my sorry ass out of bed to feed the cats; ungrateful bastards. I’m WIDE awake now. So, I get back on the computer to mess around with this blog. Yup, that’s the most constructive thing I can come up with. I tool around on Facebook… blah blah blah. It occurs to me that I might as well just stay up, since I have to get up in a little over two hours. But NO! Screw that Sandman son of a bitch. I don’t need him.

5:30 AM

Back in bed. Drifting off once in a while. Luckily, whenever I do someone (animal or human) is there to snap me out of it. I start wishing it was Friday. The disappointment that it is only Wednesday pisses me off. And that does wonders for my insomnia. Excellent! Now I’m pissed that it’s not Friday. Whoohooo!

That smug son-of-a-bitch knows it's Wednesday.

6:00 – 7:00 AM

Manage to catch sleep in 10 minute chunks. It’s sort of like losing consciousness when you’re drunk. Not when you’re REALLY drunk; that’s just vomiting and passing out (not necessarily in that order, mind you). I get into that comfy stage.. that blissful realm between being awake and falling asleep. You know…that realm you’re supposed to be in within FIVE HOURS of going to bed! Sandman, if I ever get a hold of you, get a car battery and anally electrocute you!

Guess where the other clamp is going?

7:45 AM

My alarm goes off. What? Are you shitting me? I just fell asleep like ten minutes ago!

7:46 AM

Email work and tell them I’m going to be late. Then I go back to bed.

It’s called a chicken bacon ranch sandwich for a reason

By Tresckow

OK, I don't expect anyone working at a Subway to be a mental giant. I don't expect them to secretly be a talented baroque artist in their spare time. However, I do expect they have more to bring to the job than a pulse.

I went to the gym today. Yes, I'm bragging. I actually went today. That's two days in a row, baby! That's beside the point. After I ended my INTENSE MUSCLE BLASTING SKULL CRUSHING workout (or some variation thereof) I had some running around to do. The same ol same ol stuff…. find a place to fill up my gas tank without paying $25 a gallon, go to the ATM, blah blah blah. All in all, mundane stuff. Beneath it all, I had no idea where I was going to get food.

Let me set the stage for you. The wife is out of town (hence the posting on Arizona). When The Wife is out of town, I don't eat much. It's not that I don't cook; it's just that I don't cook. She's better at it. I instantly revert back to college life; making a pizza last three days, stealing food from work, eating peanut butter and chips, etc.

So, I was hungry. Subway ended up being on my way home. I figured, "Sure, I'll stop at the poor substitute for Quiznos." I parked and walked in. I was behind one other dude fumbling around the menu. I knew exactly what I wanted- a good old twelve inch toasted chicken bacon ranch sub. The 12 year old behind the counter asked me what I wanted.

A twelve inch toasted chicken bacon ranch, please.

He starts putting it together. "Do you want bacon with that?" I stared blankly at him. Seriously? Yes, I would like bacon on my toasted twelve inch chicken bacon ranch sandwich.

"Would you like that toasted?"

OK, he had to be fucking with me. YES. I would like my toasted twelve inch chicken bacon ranch sandwich toasted.

*Ding. It's toasted. "Would you like ranch with that?"

It was all I could do to keep my feet planted on the floor and not jump over the cheap Plexiglas and throttle him with a loaf of Italian four cheese bread.

What the hell? Is society that stupid? Am I going to have to order a seemingly simple entrée by the ingredient from now on? You have to be shitting me. This just proves my point. We, as a society, are not beating our children enough.

Historical Tirade #4: Plessy v. Ferguson

By Tresckow

The “Separate, but Equal” decision of 1896

Oh the drugs they had in the 19th century!

Ok, this certainly isn’t when United States judiciary dumassary began, but I’d like to think this is where it got its momentum. “Separate, but equal?” Get the hell out of here! Did these people actually listen to the words coming out of their mouths? Yes, I did take that from Chris Tucker. But he wasn't using it at the time.

This is the exact moment when our illustrious elite Supreme Court decided that a portion of the US population was just as equal as another segment without actually being part of the whole or having the rights of equal education or the right to vote or the right of free speech or the right to a fair trial…. Wow. This sounds like a little slice of heaven. Way to put your feet in the wet cement that would become the tumultuous 1960’s. Bravo old white guys!

Whatever drugs the justices on the Supreme Court were on, I need to partake. Any narcotic that truly makes you believe you can have two segments of the population be completely separated from each other, but contain the same amount of equal rights makes heroin look sooo yesterday.

A black person (no, I’m not using the politically correct term. That’s just ridiculous) is just as equal as whitey until he tries to use a white’s only crapper. If this was true equality all men and women every color and nationality must have the right to take a dump in any restroom they feel like. Well, we have to still segregate by gender. Men can’t lift the toilet seat at home. What makes you think we’re going to do it in a public place?

Historical Tirade #3: Custer’s Last Stand

By Tresckow

Midlife Crisis? Buy a Mustang you egotistical prick!

OK, Custer was an idiot. There, I said it and I'll say it again. Someone had to. Let's face it; George could not do the math. 250 poorly trained, poorly equipped, drunken part time cavalry troops WILL IN NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM even make a dent in an army of 4, 000 Lakota, Cheyenne, and Arapaho Indians. See what happens when you believe your own hype? You get shot in the chest three times and your entire troop compliment gets scalped (Thank you, France, for introducing that little chestnut to the US).

I will leave my feelings on the poor treatment of the various Indian tribes aside (yes, "Indian". I do not use the PC term). This was just not good planning. Somewhere along the line Custer obtained this illusion of invincibility and superiority. He thrived on it. He was given a battlefield commission of Brigadier General during the US Civil War. He did is job well for the Union Army. Custer then was demoted after the war and slammed back into the rank of Captain. It sort of sucks when all the people you once outranked now determine your fate. Should have been nicer to the minions, George.

So what does he do? He falls into the latest and greatest craze of pushing around assorted Indian tribes. Oppressing the Lakota was in vogue at the time. He's getting up there in years, balding, and I'm pretty sure he was taking fiber supplements. In short, he was going through a mid life crisis. Well, back in the nineteenth century you couldn't buy a sports car to, well, let's say compensate for your short comings. You rounded up a posse and oppressed bands of people weaker than you. That was the problem. The Lakota (and others) were ticked. They weren't the stupid slacked- jawed yokels the papers painted them to be. They organized. Ask Czar Nicholas. When a people organize someone is going down. It had to land on someone and that someone was George Armstrong Custer. Believing in his own greatness he believed the he "didn't need no stinking reconnaissance." He ran on up, opened fire, and found what can only be described as a wall of pretty peeved Lakota shooting at his troops. Check that. A wall of infinitely better equipped Lakota. You can only subjugate a people for so long before they get liquored up and buy guns.

Historical Tirade #2: Benjamin Butler’s Prostitute Law

By Tresckow

All women are whores!

It's a fact (not widespread I'm sure) that Union Major General Benjamin Butler was the military governor of New Orleans during the latter half of the United States Civil War. He was a sharp witted man that ruled the city with a dedicated Union agenda and an iron fist. He was effective in quelling rebellion, choking underground supplies from sympathizers to the Confederate army, and being a less popular political figure than California's Gray Davis.

Butler needed someone other than himself to be in charge of public relations. I understand the need to enforce order as brutally as necessary (how else do you enforce order?), but to declare ANY woman that shows disrespect to a union soldier a prostitute may not have been the best career move. Although I admire his inventiveness, I would have gone another route. Burn down a house, confiscate their valuables, but don't go there, Ben! After all, what does history remember him for? It's not that he privately financed a small unit of gatling guns to protect his troops in battle. It's not for his tactical talents that helped him win skirmishes with the enemy. It's for his ineptitude with women.

With Butler's public relations machine going full force, it's a wonder why New Orleans started to sell chamber pots with his face painted on the inside of them. At least he's still famous in the Big Easy.

Historical Tirade #1: The Midnight Ride of Paul Revere

By Tresckow

OK, as children many of us were taught that historical poem, "Paul Revere's Ride" by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. He is featured in movies, comic strips, PBS cartoons, and amateur historical books written by people who think watching The History Channel is equivalent to earning a PhD.

Where, may I ask, is William Dawes mentioned? Dawes also rode out of Boston to warn patriots at Lexington and Concord of the approaching British. I'm sorry Mr. Dawes; your name doesn't fit with the rest of the poem. We'll just write you out of history for the crime of having a last name that doesn't rhyme with "Listen my children and you shall hear…" Paul Revere has a statue. William Dawes has a question in the "Obscure History" column of Jeopardy.

Paul Revere has had it too good for too long. William Dawes is not the Sonny to his Cher, the Teller to his Penn, the Ringo to his rest of the Beatles…. We're onto you Mr. Revere. Your historical shenanigans will eventually come to an end.

Banning tag? Butch up you whimps

By Tresckow

OK. So it had to happen eventually. Some touchy feely school banned tag. Reread that, please. Banned tag. TAG! What in the bloody hell for? Yes, I said bloody hell. That in itself is a long story.

Back to the subject at hand. Banning tag. You whining, tofu eating, overly sensitive, corn lickers! You managed to ban a playground game that has been around since George Washington was vandalizing his father's property. Nice going fuzznuts. It's tag! Holy shit, look out, you may be IT!

Hide and seek will be banned, because it's too much like stalking.

Dodge ball will be kicked to the curb because the kids with weak throwing arms and poor accuracy are having self esteem issues (not to mention the pummeling they take).

Capture the flag will be regarded as a paramilitary exercise. In an effort to make all the participants feel special EVERYONE will get their own flag. Everyone is a winner!!

Where the hell does it end? We are breeding a nation of pussies I swear. As soon as they replaced the mix of wood chips and rocks below the swings and jungle gyms with allergy safe foam rubber mats is when we started going downhill.

The school was quoted as saying: "It causes a lot of conflict on the playground," said Cindy Fesgen, assistant principal of the Discovery Canyon Campus school. "

NO SHIT? Playground conflicts? At school? I don't believe you. Liars! No, wait. It's a fucking playground. There is supposed to be conflict. You're right. Let's wait for the kids to grow up and have their first lesson in conflict in college. Why slowly expose the kids to the fact that there is conflict in the world in a controlled environment with relatively minor and harmless issues. "You took my Legos!"

Better yet, do away with physical activities all together and stick with the drug dealing that typically goes on in most school playgrounds. I hate you.

There is an obesity epidemic in the US. I'm serious. In my day there were maybe two fat kids in a class. I mean FAT. Wash yourself with a rag on a stick, fat. Of course there were some overweight kids too. But, holy shit on a lawnmower, it was by no means acceptable. You're kid is fat. Why? The others are fit. Why? Football, track, basketball, running from the police, etc. Where do children learn that physical activity is a good thing? If you said "their parents" you are wrong. Parents don't want to be bothered with little things like teaching values, morals, or life lessons. That's what television and public schools are for. No. Kids learn a lot of these lessons when they are young in school. Now, they are learning to sit there, shut up, and don't play competitive games, because it will make someone feel bad.

Kids are FAT, not PHAT. Instead of getting the fat ones up to the level of the not so fat (there are relatively few "thin" kids anymore) we are quite content to keep everyone on the same fat ass level. It's ok to be a hostess pie eating fat ass mother chucker. I respect your feelings. Fuck you!

I hate this article and mind set so much I taste bile. If and when I have children I am simply going to keep it real. No lying. "Son/daughter. Your classmates are assholes. Do not be an asshole. Little assholes turn into grown up assholes who beget more assholes."

You can find the original shit enducing article here in Forbes: http://www.forbes.com/feeds/ap/2007/08/30/ap4067513.html

"Last Stop Vienna"- What the hell? A blurb about the dumbest book I've read yet

By Tresckow

I started reading the book believing it was about something totally the opposite of how it ended. Does that make sense? It begins as a good illustration into just what kind of people in 1920s Germany enlisted into the Brown Shirts, then the SA, and ultimately, the SS. I thought that was excellent... really getting into the mind of a troubled angry youth that did what thousands of others did. The SA gave the angry, brutish, and the uneducated a place to belong. They just had to sell their souls. That I got. Nagorski's depiction of the main character's mindset I got. The reacton of the main character's wife as she detests his beliefs, I got. It went so well until...well honestly around the time Geli (Hitler's niece) was introduced. It departed ifrom ts roots and really became a dirty novel with facist undertones. I'm not totally sure exactly what the description of the sexual encounters added to the story, though. It wasn't like "OH I GET IT! NOW I understand why the SA destroyed all those Jewish stores during the Night of Broken Glass. That paragraph describing Karl's sexual encounter with an STD ridden hooker really cleared things up!" To each his own, I guess.

Maybe it was the main character, himself, that let me down. Another reviewer said it correctly, HE LEARNS NOTHING. After a while it's just outright annoying to see him walk around in the same stupifying haze he began the book in.

The ending, well I don't want to give it away if you plan on reading this book... but it was unexpected. Here, the final departure from what the book initially promised to be occurs. You're left with a WTF reaction. Not so much for the sheer emotion or drama in the climax of the story, but for the "damn it, the book outright lied to me! " type reaction. Again, it may just be me. But really. What the hell? The book ends after the strange and almost silly climax. You have no real idea what the ramifications are.

If you want to read a book with a decent grasp on history with an ok fictional component, this may be worth your while. If you can get over the idiocy of the main character and simply enjoy a piece of well written fiction, read this book. If you have some time to kill, read this book. It's an easy read. I'd borrow it or buy it at a deep discount. Or you will end up like me...not knowing what to do with it after you're done. I almost feel dirty for placing it in the bookcase with my other books. I can hear them make fun of it. Basically, this book is the reason why I normally do not read historical fiction.

Last Stop Vienna: A Novel
Andrew Nagorski

Arizona, why do you think you're better than the rest of us?

By Tresckow

Just who in the hell do you think you are, Arizona? Really? You are too good to abide by daylight savings time? You pompous ass slappers!

Are you too good to fall in line with the rest of the US? Is being Arizona that fucking wonderful? BULLSHIT! You sons-a-bitches think you can flagrantly throw away tradition and "be your own state."

OK, screw tradition. How about practicality? How about providing an atmosphere of clarity? How about fucking admitting you are in the Mountain time zone? You basically pick your shitty angry Apache ridden, sand encrusted state up every spring and moved it exactly one time zone to the West. So for over half the year you sand humpers pretend to be a West coast state. The rest of us in the good 'ol USA have to do friggin math..no wait..MORE friggin math in order to figure out what time zone you are this week. Last time I checked you sun burned canyon jockeys were UNDER UTAH. Utah is in the Mountain time zone. What's the matter? You don't want to be like Utah?

OK, I'll give you this; daylight savings time is a crock of day old poo. And not just any crock. One of those fine crocks with a digital display you get from JC Penney. It's sort of like why families put out that God awful, ancient Christmas lawn decorations. No one really remembers why they do it. It's just something that's always been done. They can't go a year without setting up that plastic Santa with his jolly 'ol red pants around his ankles in the front yard. Yeah yeah…it was done to accommodate the farmers and give them one more hour of daylight to harvest with. Yeah, I get that. We're mechanized now, jackholes! But, I digress.

I'll lay it out on the line you "Four Corners" cornholes. If you're not with us, you're against us. The last time a state made such a bold statement was when Georgia left the Union waaaaay back in 1861. Is that it? Is that your game? You secessionist fucks. I'm just saying it's been too long since we've used the army to invade one of our own states.

Another Lakota Uprising...some people never learn..

By Tresckow

Holy shit! http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,317548,00.html

I'm so divided, yet jazzed on this issue. I've studied the Apache, Cheyenne, and Lakota for years. We all know the treaties are shit. The US was just hoping that, over time, it would be forgotten and the various tribes would be assimilated.

As I see it, one of three things will happen

1. This is a political move for the Lakota. The days of the arrow flinging, galloping Indian warrior are over. Today, they gallop on the senate floor. This is a statement of great proportions and they know this will embarrass the government enough to speed up the Sitting Bull monument

2. Other tribes will follow. Shit, I can see the nations that gave the US the most problems: Apache, Cheyenne, Navajo, Crow... all doing something similar. Eventually either the US will come to the new treaty table or just ignore the whole thing

3. The US will revert back to its old Geronimo Campaign ways and send out the calvary.

Of all of the above, the third is the least likely. We've gone to war with other nations for doing less to their minority populations. Just call them Kurds and we have a global soap opera on our hands. The second possibility is more likely, but I garun-damn-tee that none of the tribes with legal rights to run casinos will join the movement. Out of all of them, the first possibility stands as the most plausible. They are pissed. Most of the treaties they've signed are null and void our of sheer outdatedness. The US government will capitulate and, in an order to save face, will pretty much meet any reasonable demands given to them. As I said, I'm divided. I'm a Unionist at heart, but I have a special place in my heart for the Indians of the plains and Southwest. All in all, this is still pretty awesome. It's a little bit of the 19th century in the 21st.

Begin the begeen

By Tresckow

So this is just another in a long line of "humor" groups, sites, clubs on the internet. Or is it? Yes. Yes, it is.

It is important for everyone to have an outlet of some sort. Some vent by setting fire to dumpsters outside their college dorms. Others by dressing up in spandex and leather chaps. Others, still, put their worthless opinions and observations on the interweb. I am the latter. I don't own spandex or leather chaps. Also, I don't set fires. Boy Scouts taught me better than that.

So, what can you expect from this blog? Nothing. Set your expectations for low. This is therapy. It can be therapy for you. But, when it comes down to it, this is for my enjoyment. Hopefully, it will be for yours too.

Sit back and buckle up. Who knows what horrors will be unleashed. Maybe, just maybe we can make a difference in this kooky world. But, if that can't happen, maybe we can bring down some of the world with us.

11-year-old Jordan Brown accused of killing his father's 26-year-old girlfriend

Here is a news story that will be getting a lot of play...last week in Wampum, Pennsylvania, just north of Pittsburgh, 11-year-old Jordan Brown is accused of taking a shotgun and murdering his father's 26-year-old girlfriend, Kenzie Marie Houk, (below photo, center) who was nine months pregnant...



Pennsylvania law states that Brown must be tried as an adult...he can face life in prison...the family suggests jealousy was a possible motive...

29 Lines to Make You Smile

Need to smile?

1. My spouse and I divorced over religious differences. She thought she was God and I didn't.

2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

3. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

5. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

6. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me

7. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

8. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

9. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.

10. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

11. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.

12. God must love stupid people; He made so many.

13. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

14. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

15. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

16. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!

17. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.

18. Procrastinate Now!

19. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?

20. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

21. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

22. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

23. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

24. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.

25. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three Thousand times the memory.

26. Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

27. The trouble with life is there's no background music.

28. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.

29. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.



Mission Accomplished!



And now for something else to make you smile ...

1904 Olympic marathon champ got a little help

T.D. Thornton, a Boston Globe correspondent, writes how an American won the 1904 Olympic marathon with a little help... "For athletes in the 21st century, the elixir of choice is steroids. More than 100 years ago, Thomas J. Hicks opted for a vile concoction of egg whites and brandy laced with strychnine, the active ingredient in rat poison." ...

T.D. Thornton

The Boston Globe has a 7-part series on Ted Kennedy...this link will lead you to part 7...you have to click on the top of the page for the previous 6 parts...

Ted Kennedy Series

Sam Farmer of The Los Angeles Times writes how Pete Carroll and Urban Meyer will not be going to the NFL... "Carroll and Meyer have not hinted at leaving their current jobs, and why would they? Carroll makes $4.4 million per year at USC and surely could have more if he pushed for it. Meyer's yearly compensation is $3.25 million and he has a chance to win a third national championship in four years. Those guys would be nuts to walk away from what they have, because NFL teams wouldn't come close to matching either of those deals. Simply put, NFL jobs aren't what they used to be." ...

Sam Farmer

Her last day of being 29!!

Former New York Giant and Michigan State great Brad Van Pelt dies

The article below was taken from the New York Daily News...

By Hank Gola and Gary Myers
DAILY NEWS SPORTS WRITERS

Giants great Brad Van Pelt is dead of an apparent heart attack at age 57.

He was found in his chair by his fiancée Tuesday at the house they recently purchased together in his hometown of Owosso, Michigan, according to former teammates Harry Carson and Brian Kelley.

Together with Lawrence Taylor, they formed the unit known as the Crunch Bunch, considered one of the top linebacking corps in Giants history, from 1981 to '83. They have remained close ever since, doing everything from golf outings to charity work together.

"I'm saddened," Carson told the Daily News. "I lost a teammate and my very good friend, He went much too soon at 57."

"Un-frigging-believable," Kelley told the Daily News. "He didn't deserve this. He was just a good person, such a great guy who would give you the shirt off his back. He wasn't material, he didn't own a lot of things. My wife nailed it when she said he had the Peter Pan Syndrome. He just never wanted to grow up."

"Deanna (his fiancée) walked into the house. He was sitting up in the chair smiling but he wasn't moving," Kelley said. "She called 911 but he'd been gone for a couple of hours. I called her this morning. She said he was smiling so obviously he went peacefully."

Kelley said he called Taylor with news Tuesday night and all L.T, could say was, "No, no, no."

Van Pelt was the Giants' first draft pick out of Michigan State in 1973 and spent the first 11 years of a 14-year NFL career with them.

Although he enjoyed just one winning season as a Giant, when the team reached the playoffs in 1981, he was voted the team's Player of the Decade for the 1970s and was a five-time Pro Bowl selection. After leaving the Giants, he played two years for the Raiders before ending his career with Cleveland in 1986.

Van Pelt, who also starred in baseball and played basketball at Michigan State, was a two-time All American safety and the 1972 winner of the Maxwell Award as the nation's best player. He was inducted into the College Hall of Fame in 2001 and nominated for the Pro Football Hall of Fame in 2005.

Van Pelt's son, Bradlee, was a backup quarterback for the Broncos and Texans and just two weeks ago, was given a tryout as a safety by the Giants. His father, Arnold, passed away from a heart attack at age 49 in 1976.

JLH showing off her elbow

Here is the Thursday photo shot of JLH who turns 30 on Saturday...

Nude Memphis News and Headlines

It's a brand new day and everyone is battling illness, flooding, bad government, or bad traffic. It's time for a distraction. Let's take a look at the current headlines making the news.

$75 billion mortgage plan
The story says that Obama's plan is going to help 9 million families avoid foreclosure. What it doesn't say is that roughly 4.5 million of those are living in houses they don't qualify for and only got into because of ACORN's political racketeering in conjunction with former President Clinton's Justice Department, which threatened banks if they did not give houses to these privileged groups of people. Having worked at an $80 billion bank and seen these mortgages, I am fully aware of what a large percentage of now distressed homeowners never made a single payment on their houses because they moved in never intending to pay. They were told that the Democrats had given them these houses (at the expense of everyone who actually pays for their own homes.) Apparently it was true. We call this buying votes and it works, even if it is technically illegal.



Halle Berry's gown steals the spotlight
No, silly grrlz, it wasn't the gown that stole the spotlight. It's what was barely hidden inside the gown that everyone was looking at. Duh!


Lower standard of living may be permanent
Welcome to socialism, or as they call it in Chicago, "progressivism". Stealing from those who work to produce something and giving to those who do nothing but run around protesting and screaming "I'm the real victim" all day long always leads to a lowered standard of living. This is why all the other Western nations who tried socialism have been slowly trying to move away from it, even as the billionaire New York sociopaths who control the U.S. and U.N. continue to deny reality and shove it down our throats. Bernie Madoff's little scheme, alongside the massive dive in the stock market, may be the first time in the entire lifetime of this generation of wealthy American idealists that they themselves are suffering a little bit along with all of their victims. And by suffering I simply mean that their net worth went from a couple of billion dollars to maybe one billion. Ouch! That must be rough. See you bitches at Hamilton island, where I hope to be pouring your drinks and telling you "there, there, at least all your gold jewelry has tripled in value."



WTF?
New York Post cartoon


Attorney General Holder: US is nation of cowards on racial matters
This is absolutely true. We are too weak and cowardly to point out that the majority of bad subprime home loans were given to black and Mexican applicants who had been told by their 'community activist leaders' that Clinton was guaranteeing them free houses. We refuse to point at all our ivy league colleges and call them racist for their open bigotry towards the white majority and the white males who founded this nation. We refuse to call Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton haters and racists for all the bigotry that spews from their mouths. We are indeed a nation of cowards on racial matters. He's right about that. Good for him!


Wisconsin boy's essay leads to charges against Dad
This boy wrote a school paper in which he mentioned that his dad once shot him in the butt with a BB gun. The teacher, a good communist as the NEA mandates, turned him in to The State. The State, all-knowing and all-castrating, has responded by arresting the father and charging him with a felony. Yes, a felony. Everything is a crime in a police state and every crime is a felony because it banktrupts the average citizen to try to fight the charges when they are seemingly inexplicably escalated to a felony. Thus, it robs most Americans of their ability to declare their innocence in court before a jury of their peers. Usually the end game is that a plea bargain will be offered at the last minute. "Just admit you're a witch and we won't burn you. Say you're guilty and we'll reduce the charge to the only charge it should have ever been in the first place, a misdemeanor. Say you're a witch or we'll destroy you and your entire family." I remember when my older brother shot me in the leg with a BB gun at close range. It hurt. Big fucking deal. He also shot me in the back once and my dad thought it was hilarious. I didn't, but I didn't call the fucking police either. Even if I had, back in The Day the police wouldn't have cared. But that's all over now. We're a Mommy State now, and Queen Oprah says this man is evil and must be destroyed (along with his family, by the way) for his 'crimes.' A BB gun! This is how far we have fallen.


Boy marries dog in India to ward off tiger attacks
This story was placed in "News of the Weird" because, apparently, we're supposed to think it strange that a boy married a dog. I'd like to point out that we currently live in a time when we're told not to think it weird when a woman marries a woman, or a man marries a man, and yet somehow we're supposed to find it weird that a boy married a dog. I can't keep count of the number of arguments I've heard over the push to redefine marriage in which someone has pointed out that once redefined on the basis the feminist political lobby is demanding, there is no justification for stopping all further demands of redefinition, including a demand to allow a boy to marry a dog. So, how is this weird? Is it because of the tiger? Tigers are weird? What qualifies as 'weird' today? You can't say the boy and the dog don't love each other. You don't know that. You can't judge.

Not weird

Afghans turn "new page" as U.S. sends more troops
More troops? What? The whole election was said to be about war and Iraq and how Bush just wants to send troops out. "Bring them home" was the cry of the new administration, was it not? Now they're sending out more troops? That's odd. That almost reminds me of another former U.S. President. Who was it? Was it Lyndon Johnson? No, he was before my time, but he did do this, too. Wait, I remember now, it was Bill Clinton. We attacked more countries and more Chinese embassies under Bill Clinton than we ever did under either Presidents named Bush. Funny how it's all OK now, just like it was in the '90s under Clinton. Aren't people funny? Take Cindy Sheehan for instance, she's not saying a word about this. Isn't that funny?


Is weird

Woman uses wedgie to capture suspected thief
Again, News of the Weird. Why is this weird? Is it because she didn't sexually assault him when she had the chance? I was watching a show on CBS last night and judging from that, all women everywhere are just dying for a chance to sexually assault as many men as possible. Of course, its actually the politically correct psychos writing the shows at CBS who are the ones wanting to sexually assault as many men as possible, but they claim art reflects life. Apparently not. Perhaps what's weird about this story is the fact that the woman was even able to hold the boy by his underwear without it tearing and coming out? When you consider how cheap most of the clothing sold in the United States is these days, that really is pretty darned strange. Oh, and also she put him in a headlock. But she never did grab, punch or kick his testicles. Imagine that, a woman who just fights like a decent person and wins. Who knew it was even possible? Certainly not the writers at CBS.


Prominent journalists jump ship to go work for White House
Many supposedly "objective" and "unbiased" journalists have quit their jobs in the Fourth Estate to go and work directly for their new Great Leader, throwing off any and all pretense of where their loyalties lie. Objective Truth be damned, let's all jump on board the Free Ride, where everything will be given to us for free! Meanwhile, an Australian by the name of Rupert Murdoch, not being a fool, realized several years ago that with the media in the United States being completely and totally biased towards the Left, he could do the seemingly impossible and establish not only a fourth major television network, despite incredible odds, by simply catering to the 150 million Americans who lean more Right than Left, and thus had nowhere to turn for news. It's not about good journalism, or even idealism. It's just good business. Unfortunately, it's still not objective, unbiased information, which is what the citizens of a nation ruled by representative government require in order to make informed decisions. Too bad we still don't have that.


Bernanke vows to do all he can to revive economy
Then let the Federal Government subsidize hookers and send them out into the streets to give free blowjobs for America. This will do more to inflate the economy than the gigantic shopping spree Nancy Pelosi's Congress just passed without reading, and President Obama, after insisting it urgent and vital, waited 3 days to sign while he was out playing golf on vacation. And no, I'm not making that up.


Free blowjobs for America!


Masked teens spark major police alert
Two masked little boys, playing a game in which they imagined themselves to be German elite soldiers, triggered a massive German police operation. This is what happens in a Nanny State where even little boys playing soldier is too scary for Oprah. When I was growing up we ran the neighborhood carrying realistic looking M16s and Colt .45s and shooting the living hell out of each other with some very real BB guns. No one ever called the police because this is the sort of thing that normal, well-adjusted boys do. But all of that has changed now. We're softer today. We're all Grandma now, screaming at boys with frogs before arresting them and charging them with felonies. Luckily for these boys, German police are less prosecution-happy than American authorities. The boys aren't being charged "to spare the families the expense" the police said.


Taxi runs over crocodile in Aussie town
An Australian taxi driver ran over a 3 foot long freshwater crocodile in the center of Mount Isa, Queensland, severely injuring the croc, who had apparently been attempting to hail the cab. When the cab driver reported the accident, Australian police said "Fingers, is that you?" and accused him of being drunk. But when they arrived they found that he was telling the truth. Efforts were made to save the croc, but he was too badly injured and died.



No kissing in British railway station
British authorities, in response to recent studies which have found the British to be second only to the Japanese in having the least amount of sex of anyone on Earth, have banned kissing in certain railway stations. Signs are being posted to alert travelers not to engage in any lip-locking activities before boarding their trains.



British PM says no time for drinking at the G20 summit
British Prime Minister Gordon Brown, following the announcement that kissing is being prohibited at designated British railway stations, has declared that there will be no drinking at the G20 summit this year. "Get stuffed" Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd shouted in reaction to the British PM's remarks. He was then almost immediately handed an extraordinarily large glass of beer by German Chancellor Angela Merkel, who appeared to already be well on her way to a full on drunk. "That's the worst idea I've heard all year" PM Rudd continued. German Chancellor Merkel then threw an empty beer can at Gordon Brown, who appeared to relent, stating "oh alright, I was just trying to ... oh fuck it anyway."


Beer me!


And now, the moment you've all been waiting for! It's the first episode of

Italian Spiderman