1. Do you know anyone in prison at the present moment?
I know many. You lookin' for a boyfriend or something?
2. Have you ever logged onto a boyfriend/girlfriend/crush's MySpace or Facebook
No, I'm more of a stand out in the bushes and watch them through binoculars kind of guy. Or in Steph's case, out on the balcony peeking in through her bedroom window which is asymmetrically located over her bed. Awesome!
3. When is the last time you ate peanut butter and jelly?
That's for me to know and you to find out. I'll never talk, you commie!
4. Do you have a desk in your room?
More of a table that serves as a desk because my desk won't fit up the stairs and the movers were a couple of LOSERS
5. Have you ever gotten naked at a party?
I doubt it because, knowing my friends, if I had there'd be pictures all over the internet.
6.Weirdest thing you've ever smoked out of?
My ass
7. Are you named after one of your parents or grandparents?
Yes, I was named after all of them. They came first. I came after. Duh.
8. Can you walk a straight line when you're sober?
If I'm motivated properly. Otherwise I swagger like John fucking Wayne
9. Do you throw up gang signs?
Is my middle finger a gang sign? If so, then Yes.
10. Have you ever broken a rib?
Back when God was creating Eve, but not since then.
11. Would you rather be a girl or a guy?
Depends. If I were a girl, would I be hot? Ugly girls don't get treated much better than guys, so that wouldn't improve things much. But if I were a HOT girl, then it would be worth it. Did you know that those biotches on 1 vs 100 get paid six figures to stand there holding those suitcases? And they work 3 days a month.
12. Who is the most spoiled person you know?
Those suitcase girls on 1 vs 100
13. Would you rather have a million dollars or true love?
A million dollars ain't what it used to be, especially American dollars. So I think I might just have to go with true love and hope to make my own million as soon as this damn recession-obsessed market gets over itself and starts to move upwards again.
14. Have you ever had sex in church?
No, I can't say that I have. But I have committed several felonies in church. Don't tell anyone. Well, God already knows, but aside from that,, don't tell anyone.
15. Is your boyfriend/girlfriend a marine?
No, but she could be. She's a maniac, maaaaaniac, and she's dancing like she's never danced before!
16. Do you watch the Grannys?
WTF? Apparently not.
17. Would you ever work for the border patrol?
Not after they threw two agents in prison for shooting an armed drug dealer in the ass as he ran away while shooting at them.
18. Whats one word that would describe your relationship?
With whom?
19. Whats the grossest thing you've ever seen?
A big fat lesbian woman with the body of a walrus getting oral sex from another lesbian woman. Augh, my brain is burning just remembering this! They never look like THAT in porn. It looked like two pink walruses licking each other.
20. Have you ever been in love?
Courtney Love? I think I'd remember that. Because of, you know, the raging herpes I'd have afterwards.
21. Do you have a porn collection?
Yes, I collect fine French porn from the 17th century. The scripts are a little weak, but the actresses try real hard.
22. What are you thinking about?
I just read that Barack Obama is a black nationalist and goes to a black nationalist church. That's the same as a fascist except instead of believing the mythical Aryan race to be supreme, they believe blacks are supreme. Or, like your standard American feminist.
23. Have you ever been in a serious relationship?
How serious is marriage?
24. Is your birthday on a holiday?
It used to be on the same day as the Superbowl, but then we added more teams and moved it back a week or two. Some people consider the Superbowl to be a holiday. Even though it's a Sunday.
25. When's the last time you were in a physical fight?
Does slamming around with fat black racists in WalMart count? I guess I don't even notice it anymore. They do that shit all the time.
26. Do you have any friends or family in the war right now?
What war? Congress says Iraq is a police action, just like when Clinton sent us to Somalia and Bosnia and Iraq and the Chinese Embassy (oops, sorry about that) and all the other places. We haven't been officially in a war since WWII. But then that's politics for you.
27. Where did you originally live?
In Mom and Dad's house, otherwise known as the deepest level of hell.
28. Do you worry about global warming?
No, Al Gore's constant flatulence doesn't bother me that much.
29. Do you like polar bears?
No, they steal my paper every morning.
30. Have you ever been cheated on?
I do believe I have. We were engaged at the time. Apparently she had other ideas.
31. Have you ever drank alcohol?
Yep, I have drank alcohol. Alcohol can be fun.
32 . What slang word(s) do you call marijuana?
Bill Clinton, as in "don't bogart the Bill Clinton, man"
33. Are you an atheist?
No, I'm a Baptist. I believe God isn't here, but if you leave your name, number, and a brief message he'll get back to you as soon as he can.
34. Did you lose your virginity to your neighbor?
No, I was too stupid and they were twins, which made it hard because you know you can't stop at just one.
35. Did or do you think your childhood dreams will come true?
Clearly not.
36. What's on your mind?
The top of my skull, thank God.
37. What's your opinion on gold?
$900+ per ounce is way too damned expensive
38. Are you a country boy/girl or city slicker?
I'm a loser. I can't dance and I can't ride a bull either
39. Are you an only child?
HA HA HA HA!!! no
40. Do you want to hit something?
It wasn't really on my mind, but if given the chance I think I could make it a priority.
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