Eva Longoria Sex Tape

OK, once again, to hell with everything I have sitting in Draft. This was too damn funny to wait! I stole it from Not So Confidential even though he's a federal agent who could arrest my ass if only he were willing to drive all the way from Nashville to Memphis to make the bust. Luckily for me, no one EVER leaves Nashville to come to Memphis because Memphis is a shithole!

Check this out. It's the Eva Longoria sex tape that everyone is talking about, and it's HOT!



Speaking of Eva Longoria's sex tape embarrassment, I had a bit of an embarrassing situation myself just now. I went to lunch at my usual place. I pulled up into the parking space right in front of the restaurant and when I went to get out of my truck I realized I had a bit of a boner.

I tried to shake it off, standing up and hiding behind the door of my truck to let the blood run down into my legs and maybe make it go away. But no luck. My pants were sticking straight out like I had a tent in there. I couldn't stand there forever so I went ahead and walked inside, hoping the short jaunt across the sidewalk would be enough to rid me of this waving flag. Of course, everyone inside turned around and looked at me, including all the people standing in line. So I cooly reached into my pocket and pulled out my cell phone, as if that was the cause of the big funny tent in my pants. Problem is, when I pulled out my phone the bulge was still there. Shit.

So there I am, standing in line while all around me people are staring at my funny pants, checking my messages and acting as if nothing unusual is going on. I found that none of you had texted me all day, dammit, so there were no messages for me to distract myself with. Then I put the phone back into my pocket, which was much easier I must admit with it being all stretched forward and everything.

Eventually the whole problem went away by itself, but in the meantime everyone probably thought I was a freak.

I blame this on both Eva Longoria and Brighton's blog post about her lawn workers seeing her do a lap dance with a chair in her living room, both of which I saw just before leaving for lunch.